The Ugliest Senshi
Black Beyond
~'~

There is a poem in here somewhere. This is 
just plain-out freaky, okay?

MAMO-CHAN OTAKUS GO NO FURTHER! This whole 
thing is just one big Mamoru-bash fest. 
~'~


Hecate: Hello. I'm Hecate, otherwise known 
as Black Beyond. I'm here to read you this 
delightful poem written by me. Yeah.

Setsuna: *appears out of nowhere* Spare us 
the agony, please.

Hecate: Are you saying my poem sucks?

Setsuna: If the shoe doth fit...

Hecate: It's not the only thing that sucks 
around here, as I heard... *looks 
suggestively at Setsuna, who turns purple 
in rage* Mamoru seemed pretty happy when I 
said you sucked. He said you sure did.

Usagi: *pops up from thin air* Say WHAT? 

Setsuna: *glares at Usagi* It's not my 
fault some people can't do a good blow-
job.

Usagi: *screeches and leaps for Setsuna* 
He's MINE, bitch!

Setsuna: I don't think so! I knew it was a 
bad idea to save your can! *pulls out 
staff and takes a swing at Usagi, who now 
welds the Eteral Tier*

Usagi: Excuse ME? When have you EVER saved 
me? I've saved you every day of the week 
and you've never saved me, you lazy son of 
a *****!

Hecate: *stunned* Ladies, please. Let's 
act like adults--

Usagi and Setsuna: SHUT UP! *resume cat-
fighting*

Hecate: *tries to make herself heard over 
din* THE-- POEM-- IS-- TITLED-- THE-- 
UGLY-- SENSHI! *shuffles papers and jumps 
out of way as a stray Dead Scream 
threatens to give her a haircut* THE-- 
UGLIEST-- SENSHI-- IS-- TUXEDO-- KAMEN!

Usagi & Setsuna: *stop fighting and look 
at Hecate, interested*

Setsuna: Do continue.

Hecate: *grins* Thank you. *clears throat* 
The ugliest senshi is Tuxedo Kamen.
Let's face it, all that muscle is bad.
He can't even think of a cool speech,
And he's scary if he ever gets mad.

Why, you ask? Oh, that's easy.
Because when he does he looses his memory,
Turns traitor, tries to kill Sailor Moon
And when it's over he claims, "NOT ME!"

Usagi: *gives Hecate a thumps-up* Right 
on!

Setsuna: *looks intrigued* Never thought 
about it quite that way befoer...

Hecate:*Clears her throat and continues*
His Roses aren't that great of a weapon
And the cane is as useful as a rock in 
real war.
His top hat is dorky and changes its size,
All in All, he's a dreadful bore.

Usagi: *giggles*

Hecate: His speeches? Kindergarteners do 
better!
His cape keeps getting in the way.
His IQ wouldn't make a decent earthquake,
You cringe when he's got something to say.

Chibi-usa likes him, so he's gotta be bad,
And he likes her back-- what more can 
prove it?
That pink-haired kid sure takes after her 
Dad--
She has the brains (or lack thereof)to 
prove it!

Setsuna *nodding in agreement* Quite true. 

Hecate: *really getting into it now. She 
stands up and begins to walk around, 
motioning madly*
And what's more, Beryl wanted the dork,
And it sure didn't take much to get him!
Just some 'brainwashing' and, oh my!
Endy! Stop making such a din!

Usagi: *flushes bright red*

Hecate: *yelling*
The guy just stands around and throws 
flowers
And never fights a real battle!
If he ever tried to hide a horse,
He'd probably fall off the saddle.

His hair's too short and too thin
His shoulders are too broad and his ego 
too big.
If you want a real man, find Seiya.
At least he's not such a pig!

Usagi: *looks slyly at Setsuna* Hey, Sets. 
You know that trey-cool teleporting thing 
you do?

Setsuna: *has her key in hand* I believe 
you know the system Taiki's in, right?

Usagi and Setsuna disappear.

Hecate: *sighs in relief*




O_o