The webiste: http://members.xoom.com/sailmoonSol/solitair3.html CHAPTER EIGHT ************************************ Moon Kingdom ************************************ The individual snowflakes glittered like separate suns as the morning light hit their icy prisms. Solitaire found herself on her bed still in the night's clothes. How many times she had awoken that way, the remnants of an eventful night not all washed away by sleep. The light pierced her eyes painfully, but no other symptoms of a hangover remained other than her tiredness, even though Solitaire had never been so drunk. Reflecting, she had wondered why exactly she chose to drink so much last night? What happened to her self control? Solitaire realized it was the strange man, coupled with the fact that she couldn't indulge in herself these last few months. Perhaps she was truly sick of this war and this planning, even though it kept her mind off herself. She felt like just taking a break. It had taken her several drinks to realize that she needed to get a life. But as she stood to take a bath, Solitaire's resolution dissolved as she was surrounded by the palace. She had duties, and her being tired of them was not the point. There was really no reason to take time away from her work because she would have nothing else to fill her days with but her sadness. What really did she have to look forward to when she woke up each morning? Certainly not her family - her only enjoyment could come from her work. The notion of friends was foreign to Solitaire - there was only forbidden love and annoying family. At least no friends that were like her. But she yearned for something that would make her happy, even if just for a moment. And unlike fencing, it should be something that she could do alone. She felt she had spent enough time tinkering with her crystal. Well, it wasn't really hers, she thought. But since her mother never asked for it back, she had never relinquished it. It was after all power, a power she could depend on, like the power of the moon's winds. But Solitaire could only control the wind when she was at her home. Otherwise she needed the crystal to fuel her own powers. But her wind powers, unlike Uranus' never gave her speed - it was always more of a pressure force. She yearned for that speed that she could never have - instead, there was always pressure. She would never be good at fencing. She wasn't quick enough - she was only strong enough to defend, not quick enough to take the offense. And unlike Jupiter's strength, it wasn't her brute force that was unique to her, but rather the endurance she maintained but couldn't inflict. She was unbreakable, despite that she was physically no stronger than the average person - the power of the crystal and the power other winds met other with their resistance. Such endurance was easily shattered with speed and agility; Solitaire had no give and she could only withstand forces that came from a constant source. One quick blow was all it took to shatter her, but try to wear her down slowly and it would be impossible. Consequently, she was relatively useless in battle, because the enemy only resorted to steady pressure after initial attacks were unsuccessful. Fortunalty for Solitaire and Serena, they had yet ever to go into any sort of battle. Serenity urged Serena to train, but she gave up on solitaire long before she even began. Serenity knew Solitaire would defeat others with means other than her physical powers. She had inherited her father's lack of physical force, but his intelligence and diplomacy was found directly in her. Despite the limitations of Solitaire's power, they were well adequate to defend her if the time came. They would not be enough, however, to do anything other than protect her and her alone. Solitaire emerged from the bath as her thoughts were locked back inside her. After last night, she couldn't let herself behave in such a way ever again. She had to pretend she felt fine and more importantly she had to get back to her work. Yet there was little to be done at the palace now that Beryl was here; instead, her duty was to promote the relationships between the three kingdoms. Solitaire wanted to talk to Beryl about the war, but she noted last night that Beryl was reluctant to discuss tactics and was more infatuated with Endymion than anything else. The visit was all for show. The bright dome of snow shown from outside into Solitaire's room as she admired it from her window. It would occasionally get cold enough on the moon for the waters to freeze, and perhaps maybe two or three centimeters of snow would blanket the ground, but it was largely unnoticed as it changed little from the otherwise crystalline perfection of the moon. Only on Earth was there deep and fluffy powder - the worlds of the mineral kingdom never had snow. Watching it sparkle through the window made Solitaire's eyes take on some reflection of pleasure that they rarely had. Her whole life should have been filled with small pleasures like this, but it rarely was. But even for Solitaire, when the sun shone so brightly, she felt like her father was smiling down on her, and she felt motivated to prove herself to him. Of course she had to be a lady on a day as beautifully bright as this, and perhaps she should try to enjoy today for what it was - time filled with opportunity. Neflite was right - just because her future was saddening, didn't mean that was all she had to focus on. The twinkle in Solitaire's eyes grew to match the one on the outside snow. A brief knock sounded at the door, and before Solitaire had the chance to reply Endymion already entered the room with a shy smile on his face. "I'm impressed." Solitaire mocked "Why?' Endymion asked, preparing himself for the cynical comment he knew was about to follow. "You actually remembered to knock this time. Next time, wait until I answer." Endymion's face frowned slightly, but internally he was happy to see that for some odd reason Solitaire was in a 'good' mood. He had expected her either to be cold or angry towards him, or both. "I'm sorry. I have a hard time restraining myself when I'm around you." Endymion replied, reassured by her 'kindness' towards him. Both of then knew he wasn't kidding. "So I've noticed." Solitaire replied. Despite her initial resolve to forget about her destiny, Solitaire's sense of duty overcame her. She was attracted to Endymion, but she shouldn't let her feelings for him turn into the same ordeal that she had with Neflite and Malachite. She realized deep down that none of them had meant anything to her and Endymion was no different. At the time she may have felt different, but now she realized that Neflite and Malachite could be nothing more than friends to her - they lacked something, but Solitaire didn't bother to dwell on what she was looking for in a man. It wouldn't matter anyway - she would never get the chance to find someone like that. "I'd appreciate it if you don't take advantage of people in the future when their in compromising positions." Solitaire continued somewhat coldly. Endymion sensed she was no longer joking. "I didn't take advantage of you. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't want to." "How would you know?" Solitaire questioned with all sincerity. Where was his confidence coming from? Was she that transparent? "It doesn't really matter anymore. I got what I wanted." Endymion replied. He didn?t want Solitaire to have control over him - whether or not she had feelings for him, he'd be able to walk away from her with his dignity in tact. Solitaire was angered by his comment, but easily kept her cool in a way. "Well, at least one of us was satisfied." Endymion instantly realized his comment backfired. But he persevered - he wouldn't let Solitaire win. "Sickened is more like it. Like a berry that is so overly-ripe and eager that its taste is nauseating. But now at least I know." "I'd rather be sick from a fermenting berry than swallow the sour juice from an unripe one. A lemon would be sweeter." Solitaire's composure was hidden behind the anger that Endymion had ignited by his well chosen comments. "You'll recover. I, however, never want to taste another berry again." Solitaire was defenseless against his challenge - a quick and well- positioned blow that made her forget her resolve and her vow. "No?" she questioned as she titled her head to the side and moved her hand up his arm. Solitaire was as eager has Endymion to come out victorious from the situation, because in the end both knew that nothing could develop between them. Endymion had a duty to Beryl, and Solitaire a vow to her destiny. Why she took part in his game, however, was a mystery. Normally she would avoid such confrontations, but something about Endymion made her feel and act human. She circled him slowly, tracing her hand along his shoulder and his face as she turned to face him again. To her surprise, Endymion remained emotionless and was not seduced by her actions. She would have to try harder. "You don't want to kiss me again?" she asked playfully as she moved close to him Endymion dismissed her with a quick and nervous laugh, which he knew very well would only cause her to continue what she was doing. Solitaire looked angered and surprised for a moment, but quickly masked her true feelings with a playful smile. She wrapped her arms around Endymion's neck as she pulled closer to him closing her eyes. Endymion struggled to resist holding her, but he knew if he waited just a bit longer he would come out victorious in two ways that were infact one. Solitaire noted his unfazed expression as she opened her eyes for a moment, which forced her to continue. She moved her lips beside his neck, breathing light and warm breaths along his skin while just avoiding contact with him. Yet she couldn't detect any response from him, other than his breathing which had become slightly more rapid. Yet that was enough for her to believe than she would soon break him. She moved her lips across his cheek, letting them touch him ever so lightly. She was running out of time, but still Endymion remained resistant. She was convinced she only had to try a little harder as she breathed onto his lips, getting close and pulling away slightly. She saw he closed his eyes, and yet he wouldn't kiss her. She continued to torture him, but realized perhaps she was torturing herself more. This continued for a few moments before neither individual could stand it or cared any longer. Solitaire was to preoccupied to notice the smile that escaped Endymion as their lips merged simultaneously, neither knowing who gave in first. Inevitably, however, solitaire realized what she was doing, and Endymion sensed her withdrawal just in time to pull away himself. To him it was still a game, but to Solitaire it had become more. Both sensed the truth behind their actions, and neither dared to claim victory over the situation. Solitaire knew she had to stay distant of Endymion, and Endymion realized that despite her beauty, Solitaire would never be able to make him happy. She had serious issues that she had to work out before she could ever be able to accept the love of another, and Endymion realized that her sadness had been overshadowed in the past by the fact that she had not shown interest in him. Now that Endymion was convinced that she did indeed like him, he was ready to move on and find someone that shared his carefree outlook on life. Solitaire was too serious, and despite this token of maturity, it was painfully obvious that she was child-like in her emotions because they had never been allowed to develop under the rule of her sadness and passiveness. They did not even have the characteristic innocence of childlike emotions, but were rather pretending to be adult emotions that were actually as immature as a child's. Happiness in Solitaire (when it was so rarely witnessed) would first be interpreted as adult emotion because of her exterior demeanor, but her infatuation with the object that promoted the happiness clearly indicated that those emotions were raw. Which, of course, would be a pleasant quality if that happiness was innocent and passionate, but in Solitaire's case passion was always tinged with the hurt and pain from her sadness. Endymion opened his eyes and fought to have his expression mimic Solitaire's emotionless countenance. But as he looked at her eyes they were infact not void of emotion, but already they had assumed some form of sadness. He almost felt sorry for her, and for a moment the desire to protect her and take care of her resurfaced as she had just shown her capacity of human weakness. Teasing her now could actually hurt her, so instead he refrained from doing it. What was making her so weak, or rather, so human? Could it be him? Endymion didn't know whether to be cold to her like before or admit that he did like her. But seeing the sadness in her eyes that had not been there when he entered the room, he felt he should be nice to her. Yet he didn't trust her. He never knew when she would resume her coldness. Solitaire watched the light twinkle in through the window off the snow, renewing her resolve to be happy. Why did she have to be so hostile with everyone? Perhaps she should try being honest for once or at least not to be so dismissive of other's help. At least she should try to avoid thinking about the bad, like Neflite advised. She put her sadness aside and tried to smile at Endymion friendlyly. Endymion was shocked and confused - one moment she was sad, but a few seconds later she was smiling. Aggressive at one instant and passive the next. Solitaire was a collage of extremes. Her lack of emotion was less puzzling than her chameleon behavior now. How could he protect her when she seemed to need his comfort one minute, and not the next? Maybe she was right - maybe he was a child, because he obviously had no way of understanding her. Solitaire was torn between trying to be optimistic and keeping her fate in mind. Could the two coexist happily? How would Solitaire know if she didn't try? Why was she so adamant about love being the only route to happiness? There had to be another way - yes, there was always power! But Solitaire quickly remembered that that path too was blocked for her. She would never be queen. She was always a shadow, but with all the responsibilities of the palace and no other joy to balance out her life. She could have neither love nor power. What could overcome destiny? Solitaire wouldn't know unless she tried. Endymion waited for Solitaire to say something. "Well?" she asked, mocking impatience. "Well what?" Endymion replied. "Are we going to stand here all day?" she continued "I'm guessing we're not..." Endymion sarcastically replied "Its lovely outside. Perhaps we should offer your guests the chance to explore a terran winter?" Endymion nodded. He was still puzzled by Solitaire's apparent cheeriness, but then again, she was sticking to her work, so it must be easy for her to feign happiness. "What is the winter on the moon like?" "Well, there isn't much of a winter. Occasionally, the lakes will freeze over and perhaps an inch or so of snow covers the ground, but nothing like there is here." solitaire replied as she stared out the window. "Well, there's not much to do in the snow, other than to admire it." Endymion thought for a moment. "But perhaps on horseback..." "Horseback?" Solitaire asked somewhat wearily. "Oh - right. I guess there aren't any horses on the moon. Its easy, though. But a little messy." "Eh," Solitaire said, waving her hand and smiling. "It sounds like fun. I wonder if Beryl is up to it?" "Am I up to what?" a regal voice was heard from across the room. Beryl stood in the doorway in a dark purple gown with golden trimmings. Endymion and Solitaire quickly glanced at eachother, wondering how long Beryl had been standing there. Had she seen them kiss? "I was asking Lady Solitaire if perhaps you might be interested to explore the countryside on horseback?" Endymion smoothly added. Beryl's response revealed she had not witnessed the earlier tension. "Of course!" she replied softly as she approached Endymion and wrapped herself around Endymion's arm. Endymion caught her face as she looked up at him for a moment, anger written in her eyes, as he smiled nervously. Beryl turned to Solitaire and smiled a wide smile, but jealousy and anger were not completely hidden behind it. Beryl could clearly see that Endymion liked this other woman, and she was not one to stand by passively watching. "And you must come as well, Lady Solitaire!" Beryl fakely continued. "I'm afraid I don't know how to ride horseback ." Solitaire politely responded. She could see Beryl didn't like her, and she didn't want to go with them if she wasn't wanted. "Oh! What a shame!" Beryl continued. "I'll have to teach you then." Endymion said. He wanted Solitaire's company, and he didn't realize Beryl would only act more obnoxious around him if Solitaire was there. Beryl frowned, seeing that she had missed the opportunity of Endymion offering to help *her*. But then again, she knew how to ride horseback. "Its settled then." She added kindly, seeing as she had no other way to avoid Solitaire. Solitaire smiled politely, excusing herself. ********************************* Crystal Tokyo ********************************* Fayate knew Serenity's kindness would not work on Solitaire. It was infact Endymion's harshness that had brought out her emotional state, which in the end must have been a good thing if Solitaire had been holding in her feelings all her life. Fayate did not know where he was going as he drove along the highway in another car. He only understood the feeling of duty within him to help this stranger. But infact, as Fayate thought about it, Solitaire was perhaps closer to him than anyone else he had ever met. He understood her pain because it was the same kind of pain that he had felt all his life. Even though he felt as if he had a family within Queen Serenity, he could not help but feel lonely sometimes. There was something missing in his life, and Fayate did not realize that part of the reason he was so willing and eager to help solitaire because somehow he felt she might have the explanation for what he was feeling. Either way, he had to admit that there was something about Solitaire that attracted him tremendously. He had been involved with beauty similar to hers before, but what was more special about Solitaire was her past and the fact that despite the way her life had worn away at her soul, there was an abundance of passion and happiness in her that was yet to be released. Infact, it was not that she was without innocence or purity, unlike Serenity or other people Fayate had met - her purity was greater than anyone else's because she had never been able to truly experience happiness. Serenity was always happy and cheerful; Fayate could have nothing to offer to a woman like that - but Solitaire was completely the opposite. And Fayate could be the only one to show it to her and to make her understand, because only he could get past her sadness. When he looked at her, he saw himself. With this confidence, Fayate knew he would find her. After all, he was said to be able to almost read the enemy's mind. This was always because the enemy had been himself. But the evil that he had been a part of two millennia ago had long been conquered - perhaps the few remnants remained in him that were in every person, as it was meant to be. He had won his battle by consistently trying to prove himself to others - in the end, even though for a long time he still remained distant from others because they refused to understand the look in his eyes - he had truly become the person he had sought to be. Serenity was the first one who looked past the pain in his eyes and saw the part of him that he had wanted everyone to see - her kindness and warmth was unparalleled, not even by Fayate. No one else could as of yet make the same breakthrough as Serenity had, but they accepted him as well. Both Solitaire and Fayate held an outer beauty that would ironically be unappreciated by anyone because they could not understand the inner conflict. Fayate wondered what Solitaire was thinking. What had he thought about on that day in 20th century Tokyo when his past suddenly returned to him? What prevented him from ending it all? Fayate remembered it was the voice inside telling him that this was his chance to start over - he'd be incredibly ungrateful if he threw that opportunity away. His rebirth had to have been someone's sacrifice - Beryl's sacrifice. He had been part of the reason she had turned to the Negaverse in the Moon Kingdom. He owed it to her to try again. Solitaire had also been given another chance - she was freed from the responsibility of having fueled the war, and she had to have realized by now that the destiny she had believed in for so long was not the truth. What would stop her from trying again? But there was Solitaire's pride and Solitaire's impractical fortitude - relics from a past of long ago that were no longer useful or practical. Fayate persevered along the winding road that was the only route to or from the palace accessible by car. Solitaire could not have gotten very far ahead of Fayate, as he was pushing into overdrive. Solitaire was unfamiliar with the road, and she had no way to anticipate the sharp curves - she couldn't go fast at all, as the moon took the place of the sun over the horizon. Fayate, on the other hand, knew the road well and could afford to speed The lights of the city sparkled off to the left beyond the cliff. Fayate knew he couldn't hope to find her if she went into the city. But he remembered his car had tracking and if he were within two miles of Solitaire, he'd be able to pinpoint her location. As he grew closer and closer to the city, he realized this would be his only option. As he passed the final curve of the road, he saw the pair of red lights descend into the city streets. Fayate turned on the tracking system, entering what he remembered the license plate to be - "SILVER". He hoped it was right. It seemed to make sense. a map of the city popped up on the liquid crystal screen beside the dashboard, with a small blue triangle indicating the car as it moved slowly along the outskirts of the map towards the center. Fayate touched the triangle as the map zoomed in on it - behind it he saw another triangle in red that was his own car. He sighed of relief. She would have to slow down and Fayate could finally get a chance to talk to her. ******************************** Moon Kingdom ******************************** Solitaire stood beside Endymion as they entered the stables. He had convinced her to come - it would 'look bad' if she didn't. She had already agreed to come before anyway. Endymion was dressed in his royal uniform, and Solitaire wore the standard general's uniform, but with a white silken scarf covering her head and shoulders as the armies of snow silently conquered the ground. "Are you cold?" Endymion asked tenderly in response to the frozen expression on Solitaire's face. "No - not at all thanks." Solitaire replied, her honest warm smile making Endymion feel warmer. He wanted to believe she would stay this happy forever, but he just couldn't trust her. He wasn't ready to take on a sadness like hers. "So? Which one would you like?" Endymion asked as Solitaire watched the animals somewhat timidly. Their breath escaped them in a warm mist. "Which one do you recommend?" Solitaire replied. "It doesn't really matter. I doubt any of them will want to go very fast in this weather. This one is Ivory, I think." Endymion replied cautiously. He knew the horse's name very well - it had been the one he had always impressed the girls he snuck into the palace. "How original." Solitaire joked as she admired the white horse. But another one quickly caught her eye. "What about that one?" Solitaire asked as she pointed to a large stallion with a coat that was brown but verging on black. "Sable?" Endymion asked surprised. All the women he knew immediately loved that white horse, and most were scared of Sable. Justly so, because Sable was so large and fast. He wondered if perhaps solitaire would be too inexperienced to take on such a task. But she had already begun to timidly stroke the horse's nose as its steamy breath warmed her ungloved hand. "Who was the one who gave these poor horses such thoughtless names?' Solitaire joked. "Well, I've had them since I was a young boy. I guess it was me." Endymion answered. "Oh, sorry." Solitaire added shamefully. Endymion opened the gate as he attached a lead and a bit to the animal. A young boy appeared from behind the door. "Oh, your highness! Let me take care of that!" The boy motioned as he took the reigns from Endymion. The prince did not protest to Solitaire's surprise. She had always been raised to do things on her own - she wasn't better than anyone else, and she certainly didn't want or need servants. Perhaps this provided some explanation for Endymion's selfishness - he had obviously been waited on all his life. But she was making a big deal out of nothing. Endymion and Solitaire walked back to the garden where the others had already gathered. Beryl tightened the saddle on her creamy- colored horse like an experienced professional. She could not prevent herself from watching Solitaire angrily as Endymion walked close to her. "All set?" Jaedite asked solitaire. Solitaire nodded smiling. The same boy brought out a jet black horse and the one Solitaire had chosen earlier, both with saddles and reigns. "Go ahead if you want - this might take a while." Endymion announced as he took Sable from the boy and led the animal towards Solitaire. "Oh, its no problem. We have all day." Beryl added trying to sound happy as her red robe fluttered over the horse she mounted. The others talked while Endymion explained the details to solitaire. "Hold the edge of the saddle and place your left foot into the stirrup - " Endymion guided as Solitaire obeyed, reaching for the saddle. "Okay." "Then on three, throw your other leg over his back" "Sure" Solitaire giggled. For the sake of time Endymion helped her, placing his hands on her waist as she clenched her hands around the saddle. "One...two...three!" to Endymion's surprise Solitaire succeeded mounting the horse on her first try. She smiled down proudly at him. He showed her how to hold the reigns as she pulled the gloves over her hands again. "Don't worry - we don't have to go fast. The rest of them can go ahead" Endymion kindly assured Solitaire. She smiled back at him for a moment, but continued admiring the animal. She had never seen anything so beautiful and powerful. Endymion walked over to the black stallion that he had grown so familiar with over the years. He mounted it elegantly, his cape fluttering in the wind. "Just pull on the reigns if you need to slow down!" He shouted to Solitaire, but she seemed to be a natural. ********************************* Crystal Tokyo ******************************** Solitaire slowed as she entered the busy night streets of Tokyo. It was very much like the way it had been - other than the crystalline palace over the horizon, not much had changed. She even recognized some of the old streets. Her memories flooded back to her of the time she had spent in 20th century Tokyo. That was perhaps the happiest time in her life, even though there was always something missing in her life that she could not understand. It had been a strange feeling, to have been so happy with Darien and yet feel strangely alone, even in his presence. The car rolled to a stop at a red light. Solitaire looked to the sidewalk for a moment, only to notice everyone staring at her oddly. She quickly looked back towards the road, the red light seemingly like an eternity until it turned green and she was freed momentarily from their gazes. This was not where she wanted to end up - a place where she was haunted by memories from the past and faces of the present. Where else did she have to go? What was the point of this? What was she holding on to? She realized her crystal was no longer with her - nothing would protect her anymore. More tears collected in her eyes and rolled along her cheeks. She recalled what Serenity had told her - that the war had not been her fault. Could she be telling the truth? Would Serenity lie to her to protect her? Solitaire realized she wanted to know. Even now she was being selfish - instead of putting herself to good use, she was dwelling on her own problems. But Solitaire was more than confused - she didn't know what to think or do. She had grown up with few options - she always had to act a certain way, and she had a clear role. Now she was finally faced with options, but she didn't know how to sort them. Even worse, she felt she had no one to turn to - there was no one who could help her or understand her - she had no family. She noticed a bar that she had visited in the past and took a right turn into the indoor parkinglot. But as she turned the engine off she realized that she was still wearing her royal dress and she had no money. She was ridiculous and she felt humiliated. Why did she insist to keep going on like this? There was nothing preventing her from following through with her plan. But Solitaire realized she didn't really want to die. It was all confusion - if only there was something that she could have as an excuse to block out her emotions. Solitaire felt, however, how good it was to cry and how good it felt to be comforted. In the past she had used others to make her forget her sadness, but today Fayate's presence helped resolve what was inside her. She didn't want to repeat the mistakes of her past, and because of this she could not trust herself around him. She didn't want to like him, or rather, to mistake her comfort with him as a liking of him. But it was too late already - she did like him. Why, she did not know exactly, and she took this lack of understanding for only physical attraction. Just like her relationships in the past - she didn't want it to be that way. She shouldn't seek out the company of others just for the comfort they provided. If only she could be anonymous in this vast city and not be stared at. No one knew about Solitaire or who she was, and yet she was recognized by everyone that saw her. Consequently, she couldn't even start over - there was a past she still had to answer to, and she'd have to explain it to everyone she met. ********************* Fayate noticed Solitaire's car had stopped next to the bar. He guessed she must be inside, as he turned into the parkinglot. It was too crowded to see exactly where she was - he didn't waste time by trying to find her car. He hurriedly ran back outside to the street, and cut through the people standing under the neon lights. Inside smoke shrouded the room, but even so Solitaire should have easily stood out from the crowd. If nothing else, her dress was easy to recognize. He couldn't see her. Fayate was about to approach the bartender to ask if she was there, but the only description he could give of her was that she looked a lot like Serenity, and he decided against it. He hurried back out as fast as he had come in as he returned to the parking lot to make sure this was where her car was. The tracking system still flashed the blue triangle in the building. Fayate wondered if he should really try to talk to her if she wanted so desperately to be alone. But like everyone, he really wanted to assure that she was safe. He wouldn't try to drag her back to the palace. He only wanted to make sure she was alright. He walked along the parkinglot as he scanned the cars for the silver BMW. He heard a door open ahead of him and saw Solitaire step out of it. "Solitaire!" he called to her as Solitaire looked up at him unsurprisedly. "She sent you didn't she." Solitaire said as Fayate approached her. "No, if you mean Serenity." Fayate replied. Solitaire turned silent. "Everyone is worried about you." Fayate continued. "I'm fine. I just want to be alone." Solitaire coldly announced "I don't want you to be alone." Fayate added softly. "Why? Its not like anyone's going to hurt me. They all recognize me." Solitaire continued with disgust as she turned away from him. "I'm not worried about someone hurting you. I just want you to be safe." "What are you talking about? I am safe." "Where are you going to spend the night?" Fayate quickly asked. If he could see to it that she would be safe at least for the night, perhaps he could get her to talk to him. Solitaire quickly thought of an answer. "A hotel." "You have no money." "What do you want me to say? I don't want to go back to the palace." Solitaire said as she turned to face Fayate again. She was caught off guard by the warmth in his eyes that seemed so familiar and comforting at the same time. "I have an apartment a few blocks from here. Why don't you stay there?" "Thanks, but-" Solitaire said until Fayate cut her off. "Its not like you have any other options." he continued. Solitaire looked at him angrily, but she was angry at herself. She felt so frustrated. She was beginning to cry again. "I'm sorry." Solitaire said, as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. But tears were audible through her voice. "No, you don't have to apologize." Fayate added. "I don't want to make you sad. I just know what its like, and I know that deep down you'd much rather talk to someone than be alone." "I...I don't know. I'm so confused. And I can't even think of a place I'd rather be then here. I don't want to be anywhere." Solitaire cried as she leaned against her car. "You wouldn't rather be with Diamond?" Fayate asked as he remembered what Serenity had told him. Solitaire looked up shamefully. "I guess Serena told you all about that. Its so embarrassing. No, its worse, because I feel as if I don't even care about him anymore. When I left him, I promised him I would come back to him when he was happy, but as soon as he wasn't there I felt like my freedom had been returned to me. All I could think about was seeing him again, but not so much because I loved him. I guess it was never love. Finding him became my mission; when it was done and regardless of the outcome I have nothing left to do." "But where did you go? How could you not find him if you were on Nemesis?" "I wasn't really there. The silver crystal has special properties. I was there, but not in person. You can't die as long as you have the crystal with you. You can only change forms and become passive." Solitaire replied. Under her breath she whispered "but I don't have it any more". "Oh. I thought you were running away from Diamond." Fayate added as he watched her. "Is that what I'm doing? Running away? I know in my heart its the truth. But its not Diamond. I can't explain what it is. I just don't have anywhere to go." "Your always wanted at the Palace. Serenity loves you." "I really don't want to drag you into this. Its not your responsibility to try and solve my problems." Solitaire replied determinedly. "I make it my responsibility. I know you don't know me, but I know you better than you can imagine." "I doubt anything Serena told you about me is accurate. We were never close. She doesn't love me , she just feels sorry for me like everyone else. I don't want their pity." "Its not anything Serenity told me. I can see it in your eyes." Solitaire wondered what Fayate was talking about. He had no way of knowing her. "What do you see, Fayate? Nothing worthwhile. A lifetime of worthlessness." "I see myself." "What?" Solitaire asked, shocked. She was not expecting such an answer with the sincerity Fayate had said it with. "I see a lifetime of sadness and frustration, and pain that wore away at a soul that was could have been passionate and happy." Solitaire's eyes moistened even more. The words were like chains around her throat. She cried in silence. "You don't act like you are anything like me." she eventually mumbled "All I want you to realize is that it doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to be chained to what happened in your past forever. If you would only give yourself a chance." "The past dictates the future. Without the past there is no future." Solitaire whispered. "Take the past for what it is - something that happened that should be learned from. And complement the past with the future." Solitaire wondered why she was resisting Fayate so much. He was right, of course, but what he was saying went against everything she had believed in less than a day ago. She was sticking to these beliefs and arguing for them out of habit and out of justification to herself. "I feel like an old woman. I'm tired of fighting the past. I've had enough." "You are far from an old woman. You LOOK as beautiful as you ever did, and I know within you that woman still lives there that conquered that dark stallion in the snowy fields two millennia ago." Solitaire's eyes widened. "The Moon Kingdom? But how do you-" "Things have changed since then, haven't they?" trying to laugh off the past somewhat. Solitaire's mind raced through the memories, remembering the day Fayate had talked about. It was Fayalite! And he remembered HER - he must have remembered what a fool she had made of herself. He must feel really sorry for her. She was sure she never forgot about him - how did she not recognize him at first? It had been an attempt to cover up the pain of the past. "I thought you said your name was Fayalite." "It was. It still is. I've had many names." "You seem different from how you were." Fayate sighed. "I know. I've worked hard to change. That?s what I meant by I know what its like." "I didn't even recognize you." Solitaire added. "But you seemed familiar." "So will you stay at my apartment tonight?" Fayate asked, quickly changing the subject. Talking about his past always made him uneasy, although he had supposedly gotten over what he had done. Did Solitaire even know? What was she assuming? "I told you I don't want anyone's charity." Solitaire replied coldly. She was torn between kindness and revealing her true feelings, and this constant hiding of her emotions. Fayate's patience was exhaustible. He was sometimes awkwardly kind, but if people refused his help his pride prevented him from offering it again until they came to him. He was afraid of their rejection of him when they found out about his past, which translated into a general fear of Fayate in his mind. Solitaire's attitude was a slap in the face, even if it was from her. "Fine. The car will run out of gas eventually." Fayate said without sounding angry, simply stating the facts. Solitaire could not run forever But it was clear she was emotionally unstable. She could be capable of anything right now. He better keep an eye on her. He reached into his pocket pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He offered Solitaire one, which she accepted as he furnished a light. He lit one for himself. It had been a long time since Solitaire had smoked. She had kept it a secret from Darien when they were together - he couldn't stand the smell. Everywhere else Solitaire drank more than the average person, but she was not an alcoholic. Only when something was bothering her. She never drank alone. Within seconds she seemed somewhat subdued. Her tolerance for the nicotine had diminished. "I don't want to be mean. But I've always been like this because I've had to be. I don't really know what I'm supposed to be like now. My whole life I was living an existence that wasn't mine and wasn't meant to be mine. Do you know why Pluto loves Diamond?" Fayate's silence indicated he did not. "Diamond seemed like such a logical choice for me. Everything about us matched - everything was perfect, like Serena and Darien. But it was borrowed time; I wasn't supposed to be there. It should have been my duty to guard the gate of time, silently and proudly, like a soldier. That was the reason I was born, and had I known that from the beginning everything would have been different. I only found out when I was seventeen, ten years after I had overheard my mother deciding my fate. One of us, Serena or I, would have to be her successor; the other the guardian of time. Serenity knew that I had found out, and she couldn't raise me anymore to be a soldier. Or perhaps she succeeded doing it so well, because I was never the same - I practiced my silence and isolation. And then she left me there to be her puppet in the palace, and force Pluto to take my role. Pluto was the most similar to me, and her solitude had saddened her forever. Perhaps now with Diamond she can recover. Diamond can love both of us because we are so alike. And now that she had taken over my role, I should have been able to take over hers. But the Time Door is gone, and I'm left her with a time without a direction, only a beginning. I can't change who I've become." "Pluto has changed, though. She's so much like you, like you said, because she's always been. I don't want to stand here and tell you what to do, but I'd feel better if at least we knew were you were. Just don't run away when you don't have to. The only one who can hurt you is yourself. Why are you making this so hard on me?" Solitaire watched Fayate's face for a moment, expecting to be able to see something other than the feeling if hurt she thought he was feigning. But she could not detect anything other than worry and frustration in his expression. "I'm sorry." Solitaire whispered. She didn't want to cause anymore trouble. She just wanted to leave, and to leave everything the way it was. "Are you? Then you should come." Fayate added somewhat determinedly. Surprisingly, Solitaire was comforted by the directness in his voice - it replaced the directness of her inner voice that was now silent. She wanted to be lead by him, like a child, even though she had always demanded her freedom at all costs. Perhaps this was because inside Solitaire was very much like a child. "Don't say something stupid like you'll be inconveniencing me. I've got two other houses in the city." Solitaire was quiet. Fayate added with the softness of a fall breeze - "Then?". Solitaire nodded as tears slipped off her face. Fayate took off his jacket and wrapped it around Solitaire.