Sailor Moon Returns to MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch by Ari
WaSPG0LD@aol.com


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          SAILOR MOON RETURNS TO MTV'S CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
            Set four months after her first appearance...
_______________________________________________________________________

Disclaimers:  The following fanfic you are about to read is a work of
total fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are either
products of the author's imagination or used ficticiously.  Celebrity
Deathmatch is TM of MTV Networks.  All characters included herein are
? and TM of there respective owners.  This fanfic does not reflect the
views or opinions of anyone portrayed within.
        ...anyway, IT'S JUST ANIME!!!

<The scene opens up behind a capacity crowd on a wrestling ring.  Many
are wielding weapons and cheering wildly.  The camera holds on this
scene as tonight's matches are being called.>

Anouncer:  Tonight, can a bald Canadian pianist avenge his gap-tooted
           boss against a black guitarist fighting on behalf of his
           fallen lantern-chinned mentor?

<A picture of Paul Shaffer facing right and a picture of Kevin Eubanks
facing left appear next to each other, and disappear.>

Anouncer:  Also, will it be a big haired, big sword-wielding bounty
           hunter or a gunsworded sailor who will be crowned the king
           of Final Fantasy?  And can a green-haired half breed control
           all this insanity?

<A picture of Cloud Strife facing right and a picture of Squall Leon-
Heart facing left appear next to each other, followed by a picture of
Terra Brandford appear under and overlapping the other two, and disap-
pear.>

Anouncer:  The most evil man in America has issued a challange to the
           champion of love and justice.  Will she answer the demonic
           call?

<A picture of Marylin Manson facing right and a picture of Sailor Moon
facing left appear next to each other.>

Anouncer:  All this and more, tonight, on <the Celebrity Deathmatch lo-
           go clamps down on the screen as the two pictures disapear.>
           CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!!!

<The logo flies at the camera and opens up.  The screen changes to the
commentators' table where three men are seated.  Two are dressed in
tuxedos, one has black hair and green eyes, while the other has blue
eyes, brown hair, and a brown mustache.  The third is wearing a black
vest with Austin 3:16 down one side, and S.O.B. and a skull down the
other, as well as a larger skull between the words "Hell Yeah" on back,
and blue jeans.  He has a brown gotigue, blue eyes, and a shaved head.>

Green-eyed anouncer:  Hello everyone, I'm Johnny Gomez.

Mustached anouncer:  I'm Nick Diamond.

Bald anouncer:  And I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin.  And oh, man!  This is
                gonna be one hell of a night.

Nick:  You're right about that.  Two veterans in the forms of Marylin
       Manson and Sailor Moon are returning tonight.

Johnny:  As well as a lot of celebrity blood waiting to be spilled.

<The scene changes back on the ring.  The words "Fight 1" appear on
the screen.  As the combatants are being anounced, their pictures ap-
pear on the screen and their names appear under their picture.>

Johnny:  In our first fight, CBS Orchestry leader Paul Shaffer takes on
         the Tonight Show Band's Kevin Eubanks.

<Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Steve:  We all look forward to that.  Ever since the Loch Ness Monster
        interrupted their electrified razor wire match, sacrificing
        himself to take out Dave, Jay and Johnny Carson in the process,
        Paul and Kevin are continuing the grand old late night war.

Nick:  Their feud has turned into a bomb, and it's going to reach cri-
       tical mass tonight.  But at the very least, that was the best
       barbecue I ever tasted. <Laughs.>

<Scene changes back to the ring.  The words "Fight 2" appear on the
screen.>

Johnny:  And after that, Final Fantasy 7 meets Final Fantasy 8 as Cloud
         Strife challanges Squall Leonheart.

<Scene changes back to commentators' table.>

Nick:  Johnny, let's take a look at what we got here.  The greatest
       maker of games in the Role Playing genre is feeding off both the
       success of the 7th game in the series AND the anticipation of
       number 8.  But Square has become a victim of its own success,
       and, hopefully, this bout will help ease the tension some.

Johnny:  And here's one more piece of information you may wanna know.
         The lead of Final Fantasy 3 - or 6 if you count in terms of
         the Japanese series - Terra Brandford is going to be the spe-
         cial guest referee for this fight.

Steve:  You know what that means?  Final Fantasy 6 through 8 are being
        represented here tonight on Celebrity Deathmatch.

<Scene changes back to the ring.  The words "Main Event" appear on
screen.>

Nick:  This all leads up to our Main Event of the evening, where I'm
       being told that Sailor Moon has in fact accepted the challange
       of Marylin Manson. <The crowd starts cheering.> Forget about
       asteroids; this is the REAL armageddon, right here!

<Scene changes back to commentators' table.>

Steve:  Listen to this:  in biblical terms, armageddon is defined as
        the site of the final battle between good and evil.  The bottom
        line is no two celebrities best personify these two qualities
        like Sailor Moon and Marylin Manson.

Nick:  And no two have been as successful in Deathmatch history as
       them, either.  First, let's take a look at Marylin Manson's
       deathmatch record.

<File footage of the deathmatch between Charles Manson and Marylin Man-
son plays.  Manson is seen holding his hand up high as Charles charges
him, arms stretched and mouth open, screaming.>

Johnny:  Marylin made a successful debut against Charles Manson, with
         his signature move, <As Charles charges Manson, he reaches his
         hand down his throat, and after a second, pulls out his entire
         skeleton through his mouth.  He flings it into the crowd.> the
         Tahitian Skeleton Pull of Death.  Marylin became a force to be
         reckoned with.

<Footage of Deathbowl '98 is shown.  The closing moments of Hanson Vs.
the Spice Girls is shown.>

Steve:  And then came Deathbown '98.  Here we see Hanson and the Spice
        Girls about to start an all-out brawl in the middle of the
        ring, and <Hanson and the Spice Girls look up and watch the
        light rigging crush all of them.  Meanwhile, Mills Lane manages
        to dive out of the ring at the last moment.> BAM!  It was Mary-
        lin Manson AGAIN, <The view switches to above the ring, where
        Marylin is standing on a catwalk, holding a chainsaw.> cutting
        the light rigging down and leaving the arena in pure, unfil-
        tered wholesale chaos.

<Footage of the deathmatch between Marylin Manson and Garth Brooks is
shown.>

Nick:  Marylin's made his mark again when he took on country legend
       Garth Brooks, <Marylin is shown flinging Garth's guitar at him,
       taking his hat, and the top of his head, off.> defeating him
       with his own guitar,  Garth Jr.  <Next scene:  Marylin is stand-
       ing next to Nick and Johnny, giving Nick a noogie.> It was my
       first night back after being in a coma, and he was particularly
       happy to see me.

<Scene changes back to commentators' table.>

Steve:  Not to take anything away from Manson, but Sailor Moon and co.
        have had an equally successful career here in the Deathmatch
        Arena.

Johnny:  They sure have, Steve.  Also, the addition of the Anime Alli-
         ance championships has only seemed to add to their success.
         The Sailor Scout Express surges on non-stop, racking up victim
         after victim after victim.  Let's take a look at the Sailor
         Scouts' record on Celebrity Deathmatch.

<File footage of the Sailor Moon and Marle/Lara Croft and Chun-li match
is played.>

Nick:  Sailor Moon's popularity soared to unbelievable heights when she
       teamed up with Marle against Lara "Tomb Raider" Croft and Chun-
       Li.  <Sailor Moon is seen putting the Tomb Raider on Lara.> It
       was here that Sailor Moon finished off Lara with her own move!
       The week after, she had this to say.

<Next scene:  the Sailor Scouts are in the ring, full force.  Moon is
standing in the front, holding a microphone.  The caption "The Next
Week" is in the upper right hand corner.>

Sailor Moon: <a big smile on her face> At this time, I would like to
             introduce...the two newest additions to the Sailor Scouts:
             <motioning to the back> Sailor Guardia and Tuxedo Time!

<The scene changes over to the entrance to the arena.  "It's All About
the Benjamins (Rock Remix)" plays as Crono and Marle, dressed exactly
like they did last week, enter to the cheers of the crowd.>

<Next scene:  Tuxedo Time (Crono) and Sailor Guardia (Marle) are stand-
ing next to each other.  Time is holding a mic.>

Tuxedo Time:  Take a good look at the greatest faction in Deathmatch
              history, ladies and gents! <The crowd cheers.>

<The screen flashes for a second.  Guardia is holding the mic now.>

Sailor Guardia:  Lara Croft...I know you're there in the back still
                 milking that knee injury, so whenever you have the
                 b- <a pause> guts...to get back in the ring with my-
                 self or Sailor Moon, hey, it's like what they say...if
                 at first you don't succeed, come back and we'll beat
                 the crap outta you AGAIN!!!

<Footage of the Anime Alliance Championship final is shown.  The capt-
ion "2 weeks later" is in the upper right hand corner.>

Nick:  Sailor Moon made it to the final round of the Anime Alliance
       Championship against Goku. <In the clip shown, Goku has a slee-
       per hold on Sailor Moon.  The view switches to behind Goku.  The
       heel of Sailor Moon's boot suddenly appears between Goku's legs,
       and he keels over, releasing the hold.>  After a cunning escape
       fromt the sleeper by Moon, it was all academic from there.

<Next scene, Sailor Moon scrambles to her corner and grabs her moon
scepter.>

Sailor Moon: <pointing the moon scepter at Goku> MOON SCEPTER...ELIMI-
             NATION!!!

<Moments later, Goku becomes a pile of dust in the middle of the ring.
Mills Lane raises Sailor Moon's arm and hands her the championship
belt, black, with a large, beautiful gold circle in the center.>

<Footage of the Sailor Jupiter & Sailor Venus/Ellen DeGeneres & kd Lang
deathmatch is shown.>

Steve:  Not to let Sailor Moon hog the spotlight, Sailor Jupiter and
        Sailor Venus challanged, and easily destroyed, the team of
        Ellen DeGeneres and kd Lang.

<Footage of the Sailor Mercury/Lisa Simpson deathmatch is shown.>

Johnny:  Then, it was Mercury's turn, as she won a brutal grudge match
         against Lisa Simpson. <In the clip shown, Lisa is seen picking
         up her saxophone.  As she turns around, Sailor Mercury kicks
         her head clear off her shoulders, sending it into the upper
         balcony of the stands.>  It's gooooood!

<Footage of the Sailor Mars & Sailor Guardia/Brandy & Monica deathmatch
is shown.>

Nick:  And then Sailor Mars and the new Sailor Guardia took on Brandy
       and Monica. <Brandy and Monica are seen arguing.> It can't real-
       ly be called a match, actually, because Brandy and Monica fought
       amongst themselves, <they're shown shooting each other.> and
       killed EACH OTHER off! <A dumbfounded Sailor Mars and Sailor
       Guardia look on.>

<Footage of the Anime Alliance Tag Team Championship Match between
Tuxedo Mask & Tuxedo Time/Keith and Hunk.>

Steve:  And then Tuxedo Mask and Tuxedo Time, calling themselves the
        Tuxedo Bros., challanged Keith and Hunk of the Voltron Force
        for the AA tag team titles.  And that was a hell of a battle.

<In the clip shown, Tuxedo Mask is outside the ring, hands on Keith's
neck.  One quick flick to the right with his hands, and he snaps his
neck.  The scene changes back to the ring.  Hunk is about to jump on a
down Tuxedo Time, but he ends up impaling himself on Time's sword.>

Steve:  Your new champions, <Mills lane hands the AA Tag Team belts to
        Time and Mask, and then raises their arms.> The Tuxedo Bros.

<Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Johnny:  Both Sailor Moon and Marylin Manson have a lot to live up to,
         and this is going to be one of - if not - the greatest death-
         match ever.

Nick:  In the meantime, let's go down to ringside, where our first bout
       between Paul Shaffer and Kevin Eubanks is about to take place.

<The scene changes to the ring where Paul stands in one corner and Ke-
vin stands in the other corner.  Both are staring each other down.>

[Note:  During all the matches, the attention is focused on the match
itself.  Nick's, Johnny's, and Steve's voices are from off-camera, un-
less otherwise stated.  Also, by echoing, I mean echoing throughout the
arena; s/he is still off-camera.]

<Scene changes over to Paul Shaffer.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) First, in the red corner, from the Ed Sulli-
                van theater in New York City, pianist and leader of the
                CBS Orchestra, PAUL SHAFFER!!! <The crowd cheers.>

Paul:  Hey you all doin?  Good, alright.  Get ready for some nutty
       stuff folks.

<Scene changes over to Kevin Eubanks.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) His opponent, in the blue corner, from NBC
                studios in Burbank, California, leader of the Tonight
                Show band, KEVIN EUBANKS!!! <The crowd cheers again.>

Kevin: (pointing at Paul) Now I'm gonna finish the job that Leno star-
       ted, baldy!

<Scene changes over to referee Mills Lane.>

Mills:  Okay, you both know what I want from you boys.  I want a tough,
        clean fight.  Let's get it on!  <The crowd cheers wildly.>

<Paul and Kevin stare each other down, holding a keyboard and guitar,
respectively.>

Kevin:  You're through, cue-ball!

Paul:  You don't have too much room to talk there, buddy.

<Kevin swings his guitar like a sword, and it hits the ring with a loud
clong.  Paul sidesteps the attack.>

Johnny:  Swing-and-a-miss by Eubanks.

<Paul swings his keyboard overhead, hitting the keys on the top of his
head.  It makes a loud noise on impact.>

Nick:  But Paul had a little more luck that time.

<Kevin shakes off the blow, and they start fencing with their instru-
ments.>

Steve:  Paul and Kevin really handling those instruments like pros.

Johnny:  Nice fencing action going on now.

<Paul and Kevin fence with the instruments for a while.>

Steve:  Nice thrust there by Shaffer.

<Eventually, Kevin spins his guitar around, and sends Paul's keyboard
flying into the back of the stands.>

Nick:  Eubanks is poised for the kill, now!

Kevin: <holding the guitar just under Paul's chin> Yeah!  Now what?!

Paul:  Um...this.

<Paul grabs and holds the guitar down, and starts punching Kevin like a
boxing bag.>

Johnny:  A shower of right hands by Paul Shaffer!

<Paul reaches back, and uppercuts him again, sending him flying across
the ring.  Paul is seen holding his guitar in his hands.>

Steve:  And one more for good measure!

Nick:  Kevin's gotta think of something fast or else he's done for!

<Paul winds up, and swings the guitar again.  He misses wide, and the
guitar smashes on impact with the ring, leaving himself wide open.  Ke-
vin then jumps by him on Paul's right, while putting his left arm under
his chin, and his right hand on the back of his head.  He purposely
falls on his back.>

Johnny:  The Diamond Cutter!  I don't believe it!

Steve:  Cover him!

<Kevin dives on Paul's unconscious body.>

Mills:  <hits his palm on the mat> One, <hits it again> two, <hits it
        again> three!

Nick:  Kevin Eubanks wins it with the Diamond Cutter!

<Kevin gets off of Paul, and raises his arms.>

Johnny:  An hard-fought, but incredible nonetheless victory over Paul
         Shaffer.  Let's take a look at the replay.  Take it away,
         Steve.

<Scene changes over to the instant replay.  In the clip shown, Paul
just missed with the guitar.>

Steve:  Do you think that Paul's gonna get off for destroying that bea-
        uitful guitar of Kevin's?  EH-EHH!!! <Next clip:  Kevin puts
        the Diamond cutter on Paul.>  That's what he gets; a concuss-
        ion, possible broken neck, and a big-ass "L" for his troubles.

<Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Nick:  But we still have two more great matches to go.  We'll be back
       after this commercial break.

<The camera focuses back on the ring, while the Celebrity Deathmatch
logo appears.>

<A few lame commercials, and the Deathmatch Logo appears on the screen.
The ring and the crowd are in focus.  The screen changes back to the
commentators' table.>

Johnny:  Welcome back.  To those just joining us, we've seen the battle
         of the band leaders as Kevin Eubanks won a decisive battle
         over Paul Shaffer.

Nick:  Now we're getting set for our next deathmatch where Cloud Strife
       representing Final Fantasy 7 takes on Squall Leonheart of Final
       Fantasy 8.  Let's go back to the locker room where our very own
       Marv Albert is backstage with Cloud Strife.  Marv?

<Scene changes back to the locker room where a man with a black tuxedo
is standing next to a guy with a huge sword, blue sleeveless shirt and
pants, a steel shoulder pad, and thick boots.>

Marv:  Well Cloud, you got quite a match here against Squall Leonheart.
       What are you thoughts on him?

Cloud:  Well, personally-

Male voice:  Get outta my damn way!

<The camera jolts suddenly to the side and blurs for a second.  When it
goes back into focus and position, Squall Leonheart is standing on the
other side of Marv.>

Marv:  Squall Leonheart?!

Squall:  Look Cloud, I've had just about enough of you coming out here
         running you mouth, alirght?!  Why don't you put your sword
         where your mouth is, huh?

Cloud:  Fine by Me!  <draws his sword> But hey, we don't have to wait
        until we get in the ring; how 'bout right here and now?!

Nick's voice:  Marv, get outta there!

Squall: <sword drawn> FINE!

<Squall and Cloud swing their swords at each other as Marv dives under
them out of the way.  But as they clash, they glow gray and stick toge-
ther.>

Cloud and Squall: <trying to pull the swords apart> What the hell?!

Female voice: <from off-camera> Yo!

<Cloud and Squall look to the right and see a woman with a long, green
ponytail wearing black workout spandex shorts, black Asics wrestling
shoes, and an offical's shirt - all but the last 3 buttons buttoned and
the bottom tied in a knot showing most of her stomach - walk into
view.  It's Terra Brandford.>

Terra:  Look, why don't both of you shut up and settle this in the ring
        alright?  <She then walks off-camera.>

<At that, both swords come apart, and they resheath them.>

Marv:  Guest ref Terra Brandford saves the day!  YyyyyYESSSS!!!
       Back to you at ringside!

<Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Steve:  What else can be said that this one's cocked and loaded and
        ready to fire?

Nick:  Not much, Steve.  By the way, which Final Fantasy's your favor-
       ite?

Steve:  Well, I'm not familiar with those types of games, but I'd have
        to say that number 6 is my favorite.

Johnny:  I'm partial to number 4, myself.  We'll talk about this anoth-
         er time, as for now, let's go down to the ring where the match
         is about to begin.

<Scene changes down to ringside.  Cloud is seen smiling and waving to
the crowd.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) In the red corner, representing the cast and
                crew of Final Fantasy 7, soldier of fortune, CLOUD
                STRIFE!!!

<Scene changes over to in the crowd, where Tifa Lockheart is standing
up, shouting at the top of her lungs.>

Tifa:  KICK HIS ASS, CLOUD!!!  <Cloud looks over at her and winks.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) His opponent, in the blue corner, leader of
                the upcoming hit Final Fantasy 8, SQUALL LEONHEART!!!

<Squall then starts talking to one of the ringside photographers, La-
guna Loire.>

Squall:  Whaddya think of this guy?

Laguna:  Squall, buddy, gimme a break, man!  He's nothin' but a lame-
         ass poser.  Sure he's got the bigger sword-

Squall:  Hey...!

Laguna:  Waiwaiwaiwaiwait...lemme finish...he's got the bigger sword,
         but he's nothin' without it.  No sword, no contest.

Squall:  Sounds great.

Laguna:  Go with it.  You're beautiful, man.  Kick his ugly ass.

<Scene changes over to Terra Brandford.>

Nick:  Aren't you forgetting someone, Johnny?

Johnny:  Oh yes, how silly of me. (voice now echoing) The very beauti-
         ful and talented special guest referee, Final Fantasy 6's
         TERRA BRANDFORD!!!  <The crowd whoops and hollers at her.
         Terra smiles sweetly at the crowd.>

<Scene changes back to Laguna.>

Steve:  Leonheart must be pretty confident and all, focusing more on
        talking to the photographers and not on his opponent.

Nick:  Well Stone Cold, he could be more powerful than he looks, you
       know.  We've only seen so far about a few dozen screen-shots of
       Final Fantasy 8, remember.

<Scene changes back to the ring.  Cloud and Squall get in their fight-
ing positions, standing on Terra's right and left, respectively.>

Nick:  Nonetheless, he'll have his chance to prove himself tonight.

Terra:  Alright boys, here's the routine.  In my opinion, since it's
        not a shock to me that your games didn't make Square go bank-
        rupt, <They stop and look strangely at Terra> I want both of
        you to come at each other with everything you've got.  You re-
        member back in the locker room?  Just like that, only this time
        everyone in the world is watching.

Squall: <spinning his gunblade on his index finger> By the way, do you
        wanna be stabbed or shot to death, Cloud?

Cloud:  Hmph!  Fat chance, squeek.

Terra:  Alright then...let's get it on!

<Scene changes to outside and above the ring.  Cloud is brandishing his
sword while Squall continues to spin his.>

Cloud:  Hey Squall, I've been thinking.  Let's can the blades...I wanna
        take you out myself!

<Cloud then waves his sword in his usual fashion, and then throws it
into the entranceway of the arena.>

Squall:  No problem with me.

<He lets the gunblade fly off his finger, and into the crowd.  It makes
a loud steel-entering-flesh sound.  Scene changes over to Don King,
gunblade sticking diagonally through his face.  Blood drips from the
wound.>

Don King:  Oh, la-dee-dah!  What a night!  So many fighters!  So much
           action!  I love dis!

<Camera pans over to the right, where Mike Tyson is seated, looking at
the gunblade.>

Mike Tyson: <hand on the handle> Doeth thith thing work?

<Mike squeezes the trigger.  The blade starts to glow green for three
seconds, and then Don King's head explodes.  The gunblade goes flying
and sticks in the ground right next to Cloud's.  Scene changes back to
the ring.>

Squall:  This shouldn't be too hard.

<He runs up to Cloud, but Cloud delivers a right cross that sends him
crashing down.>

Nick:  Whoa!  A nice right cross by Cloud Strife!

<Squall tries the same thing, with the same results.  This time, he
jumps by Cloud, and side-kicks him as he passes.  A slugfest ensues.>

Johnny:  Actions always do speak louder than words here on Celebrity
         Deathmatch!

<Cloud charges him, and clotheslines him over the top rope.  Cloud goes
over too, but he hangs onto the top rope, and pulls himself over and
back into the ring.  He plays to the crowd.  Scene changes over to out-
side, where Squall gets to his feet.  He throws the swords back into
the ring.>

Steve:  Ohhh, no.  Things are fixin' to get ugly real quick!

<They grab their swords and lunge at each other.>

Nick:  Oh HERE WE GO!!!

<They start fighting with the swords.  Cloud pressures his sword into
Squall's, eventually sending him down to one knee.>

Johnny:  Cloud now, with the advantage.

<Squall kicks Cloud away, and he lands near Terra.>

Terra: <side-stepping Cloud> Whoa!

<Cloud struggles to his feet, and nearly lands on Terra.  Squall then
fires the gunblade at Cloud.>

Steve:  Watch out Cloud!

<Cloud dives out of the way of the blast, and it instead strikes Terra
right in the chest.  She falls out of the ring and onto the floor,
half-conscious.>

Nick:  Oh my god!

Johnny:  Terra was too close for comfort on that one!

Steve:  With Terra out, that means we've got no referee!  Anything goes
        now!

<Cloud and Squall start a viscious sword fight in the ring.  Scene
changes over to Mills Lane, rushing out from the back and over to the
down Terra.>

Steve:  What's he doin' here?

Mills:  Ms. Brandford, are you alright?

Terra:  Unnhhhh....

Johnny:  Mills Lane has come out to try and comfort Terra Brandford.

Terra: <regaining her senses and getting to her feet> Hey, could you do
       me a favor?

Mills:  Take over the match?  Okay.

<Mills tries to climb back in the ring, but Terra stops him.>

Terra:  No, wait.

<Scene changes back to the ring.  Squall swings his blade hard, leaving
a huge gash along Cloud's face.>

Cloud:  Auuugh!

<Cloud stumbles into a corner, holding his face.  Terra appears behind
him and hits him in the head with the butt of her own sword, the Atma
Weapon.  Mills Lane enters the other side of the ring, holding a mic.>

Squall:  What the hell?

Steve:  Mills Lane has a microphone now.  Let's take a listen to what
        he's gotta say.

Mills:  May I have your attention, please? <The crowd is silent.> Thank
        you.  It is in my best judgement - as well as at the request of
        Terra Brandford - that I officaly make this match...a three way
        dance! <The crowd goes nuts.> Brandford versus Strife versus
        Leonheart!  Now let's fight!

<Meanwhile, the three combatants moved into three of the corners, each
holding their respective weapons.>

Johnny:  What?!

Nick:  Can he DO that?!

Steve:  He can, and he did, boys!  Business has just picked up in a BIG
        way, here!

<Scene changes to above the ring.  Terra, Cloud, and Squall all charge
at each other.>

Johnny:  What good could possibly come of this?

Terra, Cloud, and Squall:  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

<They swing the Atma Weapon, the oversized sword, and the gunblade, re-
spectively.  As they collide in the middle of the ring, causing a
bright flash and a loud thunderclap.  They appear in the opposite cor-
ner from which they started.  Dead silence from the crowd.>

Steve:  What the hell happened?

<Scene changes over to Terra taking up the left side of the screen.
In the background, a glowing line appears vertically and diagonally on
Cloud and Squall, in that order.  Seconds later, they fall apart.>

Mills: <raising Terra's hand> Here is your winner <the crowd goes wild>
       Terra Brandford!

Johnny:  I can not believe what has just transpired in the last minute!
         We gotta see a replay of this.

<In the replay clip shown, the three are seen charging at each other.>

Nick:  After a world shaking announcement by replacement referee Mills
       Lane, this one-on-one match became a three way dance.  <Next
       scene:  Cloud and Squall get split in half.> If you blinked the
       first time, you have no idea what you have missed.

Johnny:  And, coming up after the commercial, we'll have our Main Event
         between Sailor Moon and Marylin Manson.  We'll be right back.

<Commercial routine.  Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Johnny:  Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch.  We're just about to
         ready to begin our main event.  The most evil man in America,
         Marylin Manson, has challanged the champion of love and jus-
         tice, Sailor Moon.

Nick:  The two greatest fighters ever to come into the Deathmatch arena
       are gonna collide here tonight, and let me say, this has been a
       long time coming.

Steve:  That's right Nick and Johnny, so let's go now to the personal
        interviews with Marylin Manson and Sailor Moon, as conducted by
        Celebrith Deathmatch's own Marv Albert and Stacie Cornbred.

<Scene changes over to where Marylin Manson and Marv Albert sitting in
two large, yellow chairs.>

Marv:  Marylin, what was going throught that black, twisted mind of
       yours when you challanged Sailor Moon in front of millions of
       people two weeks ago?

Marylin:  Well Marv, I've fought some of the toughest celebrities in
          the world, and killed them.  Sailor Moon is just going to be
          another notch in my belt, as far as I'm concerned.

Marv:  What are your thoughts on Sailor Moon?

Marylin:  I have a lot of professional respect for Sailor Moon; I'm
          well aware of her successes, her reputation, um...you know,
          she's saved a lot of lives, she's saved the world several
          times, she's got loyal friends, but...don't expect me to hold
          back for one single second.  An opponent is an opponent, good
          or evil.

<Same scene, except this time, Stacie Cornbred and Sailor Moon are sea-
ted.>

Stacie:  You have quite a fight coming up against Marylin Manson.  Do
         you think you're ready for the most evil man in America?

Sailor Moon:  I am, without a doubt, ready for him.  I couldn't be in
              any better shape than I am now.

Stacie:  Really...?  How have you been preparations been?

Sailor Moon:  They've been great; I've watched all of his matches, see-
              ing, you know, what he does, what his weaknesses are, al-
              so my matches looking for mistakes and my weaknesses too.

Stacie:  How does he stack up against some other evils you've fought?

Sailor Moon:  Actually, I have no trouble with Negaverse evil, but this
              is human evil; there's a difference.  He's no Queen Ber-
              yl, but I don't underestimate him at all.  I'm ready.

<Scene changes back to the commentators' table.>

Steve:  A lot of reputation, a lot of pride, and a whole lotta blood,
        sweat and tears are on the line tonight.  I can't wait.

<Scene changes back to the ring.  Marylin Manson has just stepped
through the ropes.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) In the red corner, the challanger!  A man
                as dark as the blackest sectors of hell, the most evil
                man in America, MARYLIN MANSON!!!

<Marylin raises his hands in a praying mantis positioin, nails turned
downward.  Scene changes over to opposite corner.  Sailor Moon steps
through the ropes.>

Johnny's voice: (echoing) His opponent, in the blue corner, hope in its
                most beautiful form.  The champion of love and justice
                and the Anime Alliance Heavyweight Champion, she is the
                one called SAILOR MOON!!!

<Scene changes over to Mills Lane.>

Mills:  Alright you two, step over here please? <Moon and Manson come
        into view.>  Okay, now <to Sailor Moon> You're a little love
        and justice, and <to Manson> you're a little destruction disor-
        der and chaos.  I expect a tough, clean fight, and protect
        yourselves at all times.  Both sides ready?  Let's get it on!

<The crowd goes crazy as the scene changes to above and to the right of
the ring.  Sailor Moon gets into a fighting position, while Marylin
stands back casually, knowing what to expect.>

Sailor Moon:  C'mon.  What's the matter?

Marylin:  What's with you tonight?  Where's your long-winded speech?
          You know, your usual introduction?

<Sailor Moon starts off with three right crosses, then a kick to the
face.>

Sailor Moon:  I don't need any long-winded speeches! <brandishing her
              fists> These are all I need to get my point across, right
              here! <The crowd cheers.>

Johnny:  Wow, Nick, we're seeing a totally different side of Sailor
         Moon tonight here!

Nick:  Maybe it's just because of the match, but she is so much more
       serious than we've seen.

Steve:  Look at this, too.  You notice who's missing here?

Nick:  Who?  Oh yeah!  The rest of the Sailor Scouts.

<Sailor Moon kicks Marylin Manson in the head again.>

Steve:  She must have a whole lotta guts or thinks too much of her own
        abilities to be out here all by herself.

<Sailor Moon grabs Marylin by the hair and starts bashing his head into
the top turnbuckle nine times.  The crowd counts along.>

Audience: <as Manson's head hits the turnbuckle> ONE...TWO...THREE...
          FOUR...FIVE...SIX...SEVEN...EIGHT...NINE...!!!

<She lets go for a moment and lets him stumble around for a while.
Then, she bashes his head again, one last time.>

Audience: <as Manson's head hits> TEN!!!!!

Nick:  Unprecedent turnbuckle smashing by Sailor Moon!

Steve:  It's like what Manson said, and I quote...An opponent is an op-
        ponent, good or evil.

<Sailor Moon then flings Marylin across the ring, and he gets to his
feet.  She then charges at him, screaming in rage.  Marylin flicks his
hand upward.>

Johnny:  You know what that hand signal means?

Steve:  I think we're gonna see it!

<Marylin plunges his hand deep into Sailor Moon's throat.>

Nick:  Yes sir, the Tahitian Skeleton Pull of Death claims another vic-
       tim, in the form of Sailor Moon.

Johnny:  Just a second, Nick.  It seems that Marylin Manson is having
         difficulty executing the move!

<Serena gets a tight grip on Manson's wrist with both hands, and bites
down on his hand.>

Nick:  Sailor Moon has countered the Tahitian Skeleton Pull!

Steve:  But for how long?!

<Marylin spins around, trying to shake Sailor Moon off his hand.  Then,
Sailor Moon kicks him right in the balls.>

Audience:  OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Johnny:  And Sailor Moon goes downstairs!

<Another low kick, and Manson relinquishes the hold, and falls over.
Moon is seen leaning over the ropes, rinsing her mouth out with some
Listerine.>

Steve:  Marylin sure did leave a bad taste in her mouth.

<She spits back into the bottle, and grabs her moon scepter.>

Marylin:  What the hell are you doing?!

Sailor Moon:  I'm putting a stop to this! <points it at Marylin> MOON
              SCEPTER ELIMINATION!!!!!

<Marylin screams in pain as he dissolves into dust.  The crowd goes in-
sane.>

Mills: <raising her arm> Sailor Moon is the winner!

Nick:  Chalk up another victory for the Sailor Scout Express!

<Just then, the remaining Scouts and the Tuxedo Bros. come down to the
ring to join the celebrations.>

Johnny:  Speaking of which, here come the reserves!

<By now, everyone in the arena is on their feet, cheering wildly.  Tux-
edo Mask and Tuxedo Time then hoist Sailor Moon up on their shoulders
as the crowd cheers more.>

<Scene changes over to the commentators' table.  The ring is in the
background as Nick, Johnny, and Steve are sitting with their backs to
the ring.>

Nick:  More celebrities came and more celebrities went here tonight on
       Celebrity Deathmatch.

Johnny:  And before we sign off, Stone Cold, I believe you have some-
         thing to say, didn't you?

Steve:  That's exactly right, Johnny.  Vince McMahon, you better put
        your soul in good hands, because <he holds up a piece of paper>
        your ass is mine!  That's right, you piece of trash!  You and I
        are at some point gonna step in that ring over there, and you
        and I are gonna settle this thing once and for all!  So you
        better be ready, jackass!

Johnny:  We certainly look forward to your in-ring debut here, Stone
         Cold.  I'm Johnny Gomez, for the entire crew here at Celebrity
         Deathmatch, good fight, goodnight.

        THE END