TITLE: True Feelings BY: Crystal Girl one parter ************* Have you ever felt like there was a battle going on inside you just because of how you feel for someone? One side of you PLEADS that you tell him your feeling. While the other is screaming at for thinking of doing so. 'He'll only hurt you!' They say. 'Forget him he is not worth you emotions! Find a guy who you deserve, a guy that can show you his feelings. A guy who wont laugh at you because you make a mistake, or that you cry. When you cry he is supposed to hold tell you he love's you and will never leave. He's not worth the pain is he?' 'Yes!' Cry's the other, demanding to be heard. 'You love him and nothing that can change that! You have to tell him or else you will willow in pain thinking that you where too scared to tell him how you feel. He should at lest know that you care for him.' I don't know what to believe. It's not fair! Why did love have to be so hard! I just don't understand anything anymore and it's driving me insane that I can't think straight! That's what it was like when I was younger. No one knew how I felt. They just wouldn't-- NO! They couldn't understand! How could I let this happen to myself? One minuet I was yelling at him and the next...... I couldn't begin to describe how I felt. It's like I'm not even me any more. I started to smoke just to clam my nerves. Yeah, I know, those things will kill ya. I hated the idea of smoking before. How ironic! A big change went through me over the years. I guess everyone saw it in me. Instead of wearing the light coloured clothes I use to wear, I started wearing darker colours. My grades went up better in high school. I became a writer. I would write stories of how I wanted to live my life with love..... With his love. Yep, still dreaming. I guess what caused the big change in me wasn't because of him. But because of how it could have been like with him. It's been a long time since I have seen him. If, you are wondering if I have just spent my life thinking of him and what could have been, well then your wrong. I have been in other relation ships before. Some of them I rather not mention. Most of them were screwed up. I hated life when I was a kid and I still hate it. LOVE. It's overrated. I don't believe in it anymore. Me and Mamoru, Mamo-chan I liked to call him while he call me Usako, became friends. I heard that he got married last summer. I was invited to come to the wedding, but I couldn't watch as my last chance of happiness disappeared. Damn fate. That is why I stop believing in love and fairly tales. Sigh. I should have told him when I had the chance! At lest then I would have known that he might have felt something for me! ANYTHING! Why dwell on the past? It's over and done with. I wish I could let go in life. Forget every stupid thing that I ever done in my life and for get that I ever was alive. I just want to cry over, and over again. But crying doesn't do anything to help dose it. Nope. Just reminds me more of how much of a crybaby I was. My life just feels so fucked up more and more. And all because I couldn't tell him that I loved him! Well now I know, when it comes to true feeling, there are no happy endings. ******************************************************** Now I know what you are thinking, 'How could I write something like that?' Well, it was just to prove that in real life there are no happy endings. Believe me I know. But in some cases there are. But in the story the character was supposed to feel that way, like all hope was gone. If your are going to e-mail me please be niece! I look forward to read them.