Corina Borsuk" Disclaimer: All characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, DIC and a bunch of others that aren't me. The story however, is mine. All I ask is that you not sue me since I have no money anyway. Author's Note: This part is dedicated to Jennifer Wand. I just love her story "Darien's View" and if you haven't read it, you should. Also, be sure to check out her Tuxedo Mask Shrine. Insecurities Part 2 Knock, knock. Darien stood outside Serena's house, waiting for someone to answer the door. He knew she was inside, he could feel her presence, just as he always did. He just hoped he would have a chance to make things right. Suddenly, the door flew open and Darien was face to face with Serena's little brother, Sammy. They had met a few times before, once at the virtual reality theater and again when Darien and Serena had brought Rini home. During those brief encounters Darien had gotten the feeling that while Sammy teased Serena about their relationship, Sammy kind of liked him. That image was shattered when Darien looked in the young boys eyes, which practically radiated hate. Darien began to feel more than a little nervous. He hadn't even considered that Serena's family would be hostile towards him, although he should have guessed. After all the misery he'd put her through the last few weeks, it was a good bet he wasn't on their list of favorite people and this latest incident wasn't likely to help any. Still, he had to talk to Serena and this wasn't something that could wait. "Sammy, could I come in? I need to talk to Serena." "I don't think so. She doesn't want to talk to you and even if she did, I wouldn't let you in. Serena doesn't need you. All you do is hurt her and she can do better than you. So why don't you just turn around and leave?" Sammy was practically shouting at Darien. He didn't care that Darien was older or bigger than he was, he had no right to treat Serena the way he did. For weeks she was depressed over this guy and just when everything seemed to be okay, he breaks her heart again. Sammy might not admit it to anyone, including himself, but Serena was his sister and he loved her. So if this guy thought Sammy was going to let him hurt her again, he had another thing coming. Before Darien could respond, Serena's mother came walking up behind Sammy. She eyed him coolly, but without the obvious hatred Sammy had. Darien couldn't be sure, but when he looked in her eyes, he thought he saw sadness, concern and another emotion he couldn't quite place. His only hope was that she would be more understanding than Sammy had been. "What's going on Sammy?" "It's just that jerk Darien, but don't worry mom, I'll get rid of him." Ignoring Sammy, Darien addressed Serena's mother and silently prayed she would understand. "Please Mrs. Tsukino, I need to talk to Serena. It's important. I know she's upset, but it was all a misunderstanding and I've come to make things right." Irene Tsukino was silent for a moment, but when she spoke, her voice held a tinge of sadness in it. "She's been crying since she got home. She's devastated because the person she loves most in the world doesn't love her in return. Her heart is broken, her dreams shattered and the only person who can make it right is the one person who keeps causing her so much pain. I know you say it was all a misunderstanding, and maybe it was. But what about last time, was that a misunderstanding too? Are you just toying with Serena's affections or do you genuinely care for her?" For a moment, Darien just stood there, unsure what to do. Then, slowly, he began to speak, not even truly aware of what he was saying until the words rang in his ears. "I love Serena more than my own life. I know I hurt her, but I never meant to. She's everything to me and I'm sorry. I need to tell her, please. I need to ask, no beg, her forgiveness." Even as he said the words, Darien's eyes pleaded with her to understand. She saw the pain, the longing behind the gaze and recognized it. It was a mirror of the pain she had seen in her daughter's eyes. Irene Tsukino could not deny that this boy loved her daughter. She only hoped he wouldn't hurt Serena again. Nodding, she motioned for Darien to come inside and follow her up the stairs. As he walked in, he could feel Sammy staring daggers at his back and he could sense Irene's doubts. He only prayed he could prove to them and to Serena that his love was real and true. He prayed that he could be the man Serena needed him to be. If he couldn't, he feared he might lose her forever and that was something he would never get over. All of this flashed through Darien's mind in the time it took to walk up the stairs and down the hall to Serena's room. Although he had never been inside the Tsukino house before, he recognized Serena's room immediately because of the small sign hanging on the door with the face of a bunny on it. She loved bunnies. He remembered her squeals of delight when she'd seen that pink sweater with the little white bunnies in the store window. He often wondered if Bunny wouldn't have been a more appropriate name for her. But no, Serena was perfect because he felt so serene when she was in his arms. The memory made him smile, but the smile soon faded to a look of pain and sadness as he heard Serena's muffled sobs through the door. I did this to her, he thought. I've hurt her again. Maybe I don't deserve her, maybe she'd be better off without me. No, his heart screamed at him. She needs you. YOU need her. You can't just give up on her. Darien knew his heart was right. He had to try to make things right, no matter what. His revere was broken when Irene softly knocked on her daughter's door. "Serena, honey, you have a visitor." "Go away," Serena mumbled between broken sobs. Darien only barely heard her, but what he did hear, clearly, was the pain in her voice. He wanted to run away, hide from what he'd done to her, but at the same time, he wanted so desperately to hold her in his arms and comfort her. He was so scared, scared of being hurt, scared of losing her. He began to think of a dozen different ways to apologize. Maybe he could blame it all on Raye. That would be easy and safe. Serena would forgive him, just as she always did and things could go back to normal. Then Raye's words floated through his mind, "Learn to give Serena the love she so desperately needs and deserves, because if you don't, you may lose her forever." He couldn't take the safe way out, he had to be honest, to expose his feelings or risk losing the only person who gave his life meaning. Darien hadn't even noticed Irene tentatively open Serena's door and glance inside. He did feel her lightly touch his shoulder and motion him inside, then quietly close the door behind him. As he walked in, the sight that filled his whole vision was that of Serena, sprawled across her bed, face buried in a pillow, her slight frame shaking violently from crying. He tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat and all he could manage was a strangled whimper. Serena never even heard him, or simply choose not to acknowledge him, but the room's other occupant reacted to the sound. She had been nuzzled against Serena, wordlessly trying to offer comfort to her charge, but failing. When she heard Darien, she spun around and eyed him coldly. Lightly leaping to the floor, Luna quietly hissed at Darien, looking up at him with a mixture of sadness and anger in her feline eyes. "Get out," she whispered sadly. "Get out of here. Haven't you done enough? I don't know what it was this time, and to be honest I don't care. Just leave her alone." "Luna, you don't understand. It was a mistake. I never meant . . . Please Luna, if ever you've trusted me, trust me now. I need a few minutes alone with Serena. Please," he implored. Without a word, Luna jumped back on the bed and then onto the window ledge. Before leaving through the open window, she turned back and gave Darien one final warning. "If you hurt her again, I, the Scouts, her family, we will never forgive you." Taking a deep breath, Darien knelt down beside Serena's bed and whispered to himself, "And neither will I." ********** "Serena?" When she didn't respond, he tried again. "Serena, it's me, Darien. Please, just talk to me." Again nothing. Gently, he reached out, lightly brushing a few stray strands of golden hair away from her face. Violently Serena jerked back, her side hitting the wall with an audible thump. Still she didn't look up. She just kept her face buried, hiding from him. Darien winced, saddened and terrified that she would react to him that way. Is it too late, he wondered. No, he answered himself. It can't be too late. I won't lose her. Taking a deep breath, Darien settled next to Serena's bed. He still wasn't sure what to say, but he knew that somehow he had to make her understand how he felt. "Serena, I know why you're upset. I went and talked to Raye and she told me everything. But you have to know she was wrong. I know I don't say it often enough, don't show you how I feel, but I do love you Serena, with all my heart. Prince Endymion loved Princess Serenity, Tuxedo Mask loves Sailor Moon, but I love you. Do you understand? I love you Serena." Nothing. Nothing but her tears. Nothing but her sobs. And it was that nothing that was breaking his heart. He couldn't tell her how he felt because he just didn't know how. He had no practice in expressing his feelings. In fact, he'd worked most of his life to hide his emotions from everyone. Now that lifetime of hiding to keep himself safe had become his worst enemy. He didn't know if he could ever explain the warmth and joy Serena brought to his existence, but he had to try. "Serena, do you remember the day we first met, when you hit me with your test paper? I do. I remember because it was the day I finally got to talk to you, even if I did come across as a jerk. See, even though that was the first time you saw me, it wasn't the first time I laid eyes on you. I don't really remember the exact day I first saw you, I only remember how you always seemed to be at the arcade whenever I was visiting Andrew. I remember how you'd shout at the Sailor V video game when you lost, and how you made those eyes at Andrew. Most of all, I remember that in all the times we were at the arcade together, you never once even noticed I was there. "At first I hated you. You had everything I always wanted. You had lots of friends and you enjoyed life so much. I'd watch you quietly as you bubbled with enthusiasm over the latest video game or the newest gossip. The more I found out about you from Andrew, the more jealous I became. Jealous that you had the kind of life I always wanted. You had a family and friends that loved you, you had a life filled with happiness and fun. All I ever had was pain and heartache. All I ever had was myself . . . and Andrew. He was my only friend." Darien's voice began to crack in remembered pain. The loneliness had threatened to consume him at times. Andrew's friendship had kept him from complete despair, but only Serena could make him forget the pain and loneliness of all those years. He needed her love so desperately, so he prepared to bare his soul. "But the more I watched you, the harder it was to hate you. You were so full of life and love. Your joy was contagious and I watched as you spread your happiness to everyone around you. I watched you take the time to cheer-up your friends or offer a shoulder to cry on. And suddenly, instead of hating you, I was awed by you. I had never seen such a caring, sympathetic person in my entire life. I didn't understand how anyone could give so much of themselves so freely. I guess I still don't. "Slowly, my feelings for you began to change. I found myself hanging around the arcade even more, just hoping I could catch a glimpse of you. Without knowing when it happened or why, I was thinking about you all the time. I could hear your laughter when I sat alone in my apartment. I saw your face every time I closed my eyes. It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I didn't understand what I was feeling or why. Never in my entire life had I been interested in a girl, not to the point of distraction. But there I was, infatuated with a fourteen year-old girl who didn't even know I was alive. "When you hit me with that test paper, it was like a dream come true and a nightmare. I finally had an excuse to talk to you. But I fell into all my old habits, presenting a cold, uncaring facade to keep you at bay, just as I did with everyone else. It was just so much easier to make sure you never wanted to get to know me. That way I wouldn't have to let you in. I wouldn't have to risk rejection, loss, loneliness. Except I hated myself for what I did. And yet, I couldn't stop it. Every time I saw you, I just kept pushing you away. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt me, knowing that you hated me and it was all my fault? How much it hurt to know you cared about Andrew more than me? Yes, I was jealous. I wouldn't admit it then, not even to myself, but I was jealous. Andrew didn't even have to try and you fawned all over him. I wanted to be the one you gave your attention to, the one you stared at with those adoring eyes. So I teased you even more because at least then you looked at me, noticed me. "And then, Raye came along. She was a distraction I guess. I never loved her, she was just a friend, someone to hang out with to take my mind off you. If I'd been honest with myself, I would have realized I dated her just to be closer to you. I knew you two hung out together all the time and I thought that maybe, if I was with Raye often enough, just maybe I could spend more time with you. I never intentionally meant to use Raye, but I guess that's what I did." Darien's voice trailed off for a moment as the realization hit him. Never had it occurred to him that he had used Raye like that, not until he said it and made it real. Now wasn't the time for that, though. He would have to apologize to Raye later. Right now, he needed desperately to save his relationship with Serena, so he continued his confessions. "And there were the dreams, the dreams of a princess who needed me desperately. I felt like I betrayed her by thinking about you. I felt I betrayed my feelings for you by dreaming about her. Then I found out I was Tuxedo Mask and things got more complex. I knew I had to protect Sailor Moon, but I didn't understand why. She seemed so familiar somehow, as if I knew her and yet she was a complete mystery. I couldn't understand how I could feel so strongly about these three girls and yet know nothing about them. I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. I only knew it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I was so confused, so torn and at the center of everything were your smiling face and beautiful blue eyes." Darien paused for a moment as he saw Serena slowly turn her head to glance at him before burying her face in her pillow again. He took that as a sign and continued his story. "Every time I saw you, I fell more in love with you. Do you remember when Lonnie--I mean Peggy-- asked us to pose for her? I do. The whole time we sat posing for the portrait, I kept glancing at you. You were beautiful. You ARE beautiful. "That day, when I saw how much you cared for Peggy--even though you hardly knew her--I knew that I loved you. I knew that you were the one who could end the loneliness and heartache. Just being near you sparked something in me I couldn't explain. Somehow, I knew that it was only a glimpse of how you could change my life. And yet, I couldn't quite bring myself to admit those feelings. I was still so afraid and so confused. My duty was to Sailor Moon and the Princess, but my heart belonged to you. "And then came that day. The day I discovered that all of them were you. There was no more confusion, no more fear. You were the girl I loved, without question. And I knew, then and there, that you loved me. I didn't have to be afraid anymore because I knew you would never hurt me. "But I have hurt you. I've caused you so much pain that I never meant to. And for that, I am so sorry. Despite everything I have done, there is one thing I haven't done. I have never stopped loving you. Raye was right when she said I protect you out of duty. A duty I placed on myself. I protect you, not because you're Sailor Moon, not because you're the moon princess, but because I love you. "Before you came into my life, I only existed. I was never truly alive. I don't think I can ever explain how alone I was. My world was grey and lifeless. But you brought light and color to my life. You taught me how to enjoy life, how to live. I can never repay you for that. And that is why I protect you. Without you, without your love, I have nothing. I am nothing. I couldn't bare to live without you, and that is why I would willing give my life for yours. It's a selfish reason, I know, but it's true. "So please Serena, please say you forgive me. Please take me back. Without you, I have no life. I'll do anything to prove my love for you. Set me a task, anything. Just please take me back." The last words were a whisper, a desperate plea. Darien was out of luck, out of ideas. If this didn't work, he feared she was lost to him. Just as his last hope faded away, Serena turned. Slowly, she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Darien looked at her expectantly, not even daring to breath. He sat, staring at her, as in a chocked voice, she asked, "Did you really mean all that? Was it true?" "Oh God yes!" he said, jumping up and throwing his arms around her. "Every word and more. I don't think I could ever say in words just how important you are to me." Still hugging her knees to her chest, Serena tilted her head up to look into Darien's deep blue eyes. "Then tell me without words," she whispered. Darien didn't even think. Pulling her as close to him as he could, he bent his head down until his lips met hers. Darien kissed Serena with every ounce of love and passion he had. Behind that kiss were all the fears and insecurities, all the longing and loneliness he had ever suffered and more importantly, all of the strength and security he discovered when Serena entered his life. When their lips finally parted, Serena was gasping for air, her head spinning with the intensity of Darien's emotions. She couldn't speak. Instead, she embraced Darien in a fierce hug, pressing her face against his chest. Her head rested just below his chin, allowing Darien to bury his face in her hair. He inhaled her sweet scent, pulling her even closer to him. Gently, he began to stroke her back. "I'm so sorry Serena. I love you more than anything and you should never have had to doubt that. I swear, you'll never have to again." Gently he brushed his lips across her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. Then he began to repeat it over and over, like a mantra, as he gently rocked Serena back and forth. "Shhh, Darien. It's okay. I understand now. I'm sorry too. I should have had more faith in your love. I just didn't believe that someone smart and sophisticated like you would want a silly, stupid girl like me." Sighing sadly, Darien looked Serena in the eyes. "Serena, please don't say that about yourself. You are not silly or stupid. You are sweet, funny, caring, loyal, giving . . ." Darien's voice trailed off as he shook his head. "There aren't enough words to describe what a wonderful person you are. I wish you had half the faith in yourself that you have in everyone else. It hurts me when I hear you talk about yourself that way. Please, Serena, for me, please try to believe in yourself." "I'll try," she said hesitantly. Satisfied, Darien pulled her close for another kiss. For long moments after that, no words were shared between them. They just held each other tightly, happy to be together. But it couldn't last forever. Reluctantly, Serena pulled away from Darien's fierce embrace. "You better go before mom wonders what's going on," she said simply. He nodded silently, then gave her another tender kiss before leaving her room, and the Tsukino household. ********** This isn't done just yet. There's an epilogue coming.