A fan fic by Caleyndar.
Rating: PG.

Notes: If you though the previous chapter was "sad", then
this is worse. However, I do not think I captured the emotion
completely, but please try to understand what Endymion feels.
I believe that is an important aspect of this story.
	Also, much thanks to Sailorvoid, head of SM_Mega_Fics 
un-inc, for his input and suggestions to this fan fic.
	If you wish to contact me, my email address is:
caleyndar@tac.com.au. If you have ICQ, my UIN is: 26786123.
	And please visit my web site! With any luck, I will 
have the episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion in Real Player
format up there soon! (http://members.xoom.com/caleyndar)

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me; only the
few I make up. The story, however, is mine.


The Name Endymion...

Part Four: Angel of Tears...

Chapter Four...

	Man fears darkness. That is why he created fire. So 
that the nights may be as bright as the day, when the golden 
ball of flames burn brightly in the sky and warms the backs 
of all creatures. Man loves light, and hates the darkness. 
Are we really natural?
	The darkness man fears so much came and left. The 
blood flooded into my head, and my vision often faded to 
black. I could still hear Blade?s laughter. How I hated him. 
If only my head would stop aching for one moment, if only I 
could summon my powers to call forth my crystal sabre at 
least! If only, if only, if only! Life was consisted of 
choices. I had merely chosen the wrong roads.
	And with those false roads in life, my journey will 
end here. Goodnight, Endymion. May what gods exist have 
mercy apon your bitter soul.
	"World Shaking!" The powerful worlds struck with 
light energy and sound, causing my entire bulk to swing back 
as the power shook the universe in which I existed. 
	I saw, in a moment when my vision returned to me, 
two figures dressed in Sailor Soldier uniforms standing some 
distant away. All my generals had been knocked from their 
feet, as were the Inner Soldiers, and now the eight of them 
laid like sleeping children dreaming nightmares apon the 
cold black ground. They seemed to be floating apon darkness.
	Blade and the other Weapons had also been knocked 
over by the earth quake like power, and their guards were 
down. It was all the time Uranus needed to sprint over to me 
and sever the steel limb from the metallic contraption with 
her Space Sword and set me free.
	I landed hard apon my shoulder, and my vision went 
again. Uranus pulled me up and away from Blade and his man 
made creature.
	"I leave you for less than half a day, and look what 
you get yourself into," Uranus muttered, shaking her head 
adorned with a boyish mop of dark blonde hair.
	I shook my head, trying desperately to gesture 
towards my family. They were still in Sabre and Sword?s grasp. 
Neptune had already set the generals and the Inners free. But 
my family. They were still in the midst of peril. My legs 
staggered towards them. My mind would not work. It was still 
tormented by visions of what already belonged in the past, 
as well as the throbbing headache that had sprung forth like 
a dark daemon when I had been hung upside down.
	Uranus threw me back with a single arm, grabbing my 
shoulder from behind. "Don?t be a fool, Endymion!" she 
growled, and leapt in front of me, her sword, studded with 
flashing jewels, held menacingly in one hand. 
	"Damn you, Uranus," I muttered, and forced my head 
to stop spinning, materialising my crystal sabre in my hand. 
"I will not stand by and watch as my family is slaughtered!" 
My mind was made, my expression set. I somersaulted over 
Uranus, landing neatly a few metres in front of her. I hit 
the ground and ran towards Sword and Sabre.
	"No, you idiot! Endymion! They are using something 
which tampers with your mind!" Uranus shouted from behind, 
fear and urgency in her voice.
	I barely heard her. All I could see was my little 
sister crying. Those cold steel arms wrapped around her 
innocent body. Those tears streaming down her face. Why did 
humans cry? 
	A light hit me. It sent me stumbling. The earth must 
love me. It always wanted me to kiss it. 
	Like physical blows, mental pictures hit me. Death, 
blood, pain, suffering. Death. Death. Death. Wild Spirit. 
Crying out in pain. And my little sister. Blood tears. Her 
eyes. They were bleeding. I think I screamed. I could hear 
laughter. Blade was standing tall again. His insane laughter 
cut through the night and my screams like the decent of an 
axe apon the neck of some innocent. 
	"Its your weakness, Endymion. Your mind. Your heart!" 
Blade called out to me, grinning.
	I clutched my head. My fingers seemed to try to rip 
my very brain from my skull. The screams that spewed forth 
from my throat were endless.
	A new torment was added to the cauldron. The whine 
of sirens. Police cars. The blinding lights from their 
headlights, shining apon my bent form. 
	"Oh shit!" Male voice. Police officer. There were the 
sounds of guns being pulled out and loaded. "Call for back 
up! Now! Damn it. What the hell is this?"
	More images. Slamming into me mercilessly. They were 
so strong. I felt like ripping out my eyes. Did they cry now? 
I could not really feel my body anymore. 
	"Interesting. What do you call these little people 
dressed in black and pointing little metal things at us?" 
Blade asked like a child. He then burst out laughing. 
	"Put your arms up now, you punk!" another voice 
shouted out.
	I could see none of this. All I could see was my 
family dying. And the past replaying itself again and again. 
My stabbing the sword into Wild Spirit?s closed eye. It 
suddenly opened. My stunned hand dropped the crystal sabre 
and somehow, with a life of its own, grabbed the sword 
strapped to my side. Did it want to sever out my own eyes? My 
weeping eyes?
	Blade laughed again. He found this so very amusing. 
He must have complied with the order, for the next shaky 
command was to step down from his levitating machine. 
	"Now step away from you vehicle and keep you hands 
where we can see them!"
	Who was really in control? The police were scared out 
of their wits. More cars arrived. I could hear the screech 
of the tires as they skidded to a halt. Prancing stallions 
jerked back by careless riders. I think I screamed again. 
Cried out in misery. Please, someone stop this!
	My arm threw the sword away, blindly, into the 
darkness, as if it was a serpent tempting me into Hell. It 
hissed at me, scrapping along the road as it landed.
	I felt Blade smile. Felt the change in his mental 
expression. 
	The sight shot into my mind. What Blade planned to 
do. Hate. That was all I felt. Those cold hands, claws, that 
ended the long steel limbs. Plunging into their soft bodies, 
ripping apart the cloth and tearing out their hearts. More 
innocents. Dead.
	Somehow, my generals snatched the image from my head. 
Somehow, they were not affected by my pain. Somehow, they 
acted in time to save the precious lives of the police 
officers.
	There was the sound of metal against metal. And then 
the ringing sound of hollow steel falling onto the ground. 
The singing sounds of metal cutting metal. Foot steps 
receding backwards with speed as the police officers 
retreated to cover behind their cars. 
	"Awe, ruin my fun!" Blade complained. He laughed 
again. "Well, no matter! Sabre! Sword! Terminate our dear 
Prince Endymion?s so called ?family?." He grinned. A little 
daemon that danced apon my shoulder, that brought ill fate 
to me. That caused me immense pain.
	A column of light. A pillar from heaven. Staircase 
to heaven. The moon was above me. A silver disk of pure 
innocence. A sign of hope? There was only silence. Everything 
was dark except for the moon and the circle of light it cast 
like a charm around me. The images that tortured me were gone.
My head, my face, was lifted to feel this pure light. My blue 
eyes were wide with wonder as they just stared in a daze at 
this magical light. 
	"This is the Staircase to Heaven, Endymion," a soft 
voice whispered into my ear. A voice I had hear only a short 
period of time ago. The pegasus that had rose from the flames 
of Wild Spirit, as a Phoenix is born from the body of it?s 
predecessor. 
	The darkness, the inky black, vanished. Still I 
kneeled alone, apon my knees, face staring upwards, in a 
column of light. But around me there was another world. Not 
physical. Not like anything I had ever seen. The void around 
me faded to nothingness below me. Above, there was light. 
Warm, welcoming. Like the lights that draw insects to their 
doom. 
	"Can you see all the souls rising to Utopia? This is 
your destiny, Endymion. This is your choice," the voice spoke 
again. It was not seductive. It had no hint of evil. It was 
pure. Like that of an Angel. Was what had once before been 
my horse an Angel trapped in earthly flesh?
	The solid ground, or what I had once kneeled apon, 
vanished as the darkness and the world had only moments 
before. I was free floating, my long legs dangling below me, 
unrestricted by anything. I looked around me and the semi 
light and darkness that surrounded me like a blanket. And 
slowly, I saw other things swirling around me. They were so 
faint. Like a spider?s web. There yet not there. Shining. A 
glimpse here as the light hit it. And then nothing.
	"Do they travel to Heaven? Am I dead?" I whispered. 
Strangely, I felt no fear. Only calm. Almost peace. What I 
have always wanted. Wished for.
	"They travel to what they believe is Heaven. Yes. 
For though God exists, the one, the soul, must believe in 
Him, and in Heaven, for there to be such an entity and a 
place," the voice said softly. Never any dark emotions 
staining his voice. "And you are not dead." Sadness. 
	I closed my eyes to the light and listened with my 
skin to his strange emotion. How could one feel anything but 
peace in such a world, such a place, as this? And why, now, 
did I not curse God? As I had so many times wanted? He 
existed! But did I believe?
	"What lessons do you teach me here?" I asked, very 
tired suddenly. As if my will to live had suddenly left me. 
Along with all my happiness and peace.
	"I can teach you no lessons, Endymion. I can only 
take away your pain. Look now. Do any souls shine brighter 
than the rest?" Sad. His voice was sad. It was tragic.
	I think I felt fear. I did not want to look. I 
feared the sight that awaited me. 
	Yet I could not resist. My blue watery eyes searched 
and found what this voice asked of me. Souls that burned 
brighter than the rest. Like the first star of the darkening 
night, when winds blew and chilled your very bones, yet sent 
a whisper of sweetness through your mortal body. Like the 
song of a bird who?s cry echoed across the land after many 
days of silence. 
	I saw these souls that shone with light like the sun 
or the moon or the stars. Far down below, drifting, floating, 
flying higher, towards the light above. Towards me from the 
depths of Darkness which could be no other than the dark side 
of the Earth, where no sunlight touched.
	How can I describe such a feeling as I felt as I 
watched with wide blue eyes, trying to grasp the meaning that 
poured into my soul? These souls paused as they approached eye 
level with me. One seemed to smile, casting warmth and 
happiness onto my unbelieving face. This soul knew me. This 
soul loved me. I thought I would cry. It flew into my pillar 
of light in which I floated. What resembled hands reached out 
and touched my face, grasping my neck to hug me. It whispered, 
with a silver and invisible voice, words I did not want to 
believe. 
	"I love you, Darien. Be happy," she said. Michelle.
	I could say nothing. Only sob and try to cling to 
this soul, real yet not real. My body racked with my cries. 
This was not a happening. This was not real. 
	"Don?t cry, Brother," she said. "We?re going to 
Heaven! Don?t cry for Mother and Father and me. We?ll be 
happy. And we want you to be happy too. Please don?t cry, 
Darien." She kissed me on the check, and somehow, with a 
tissue I could not see nor feel, wiped away the tears that 
rained down my face. But they did not cease. I could not 
stop the salt water fount from my eyes.
	"Bye, Darien! I?ll take care of your horse. And give 
it lots of love, just like you use to!" she said happily, 
suddenly gone from my grasp, and part of distant bright 
lights that flew with dizzying speed towards the blinding 
light.
	I cried out, like something had been torn violently 
away from me, which hurt me. 
	The light and darkness around me dimmed. The 
blinding white light and suffocating darkness from below was 
gone. Illusions. Please, let it have been an illusion. All 
that existed now was the pillar of light in which I knelt 
once more. My face was held in my hand, and I was weeping, 
my body desperately trying to silence it, but failing. 
	"You cry still. You were able to say goodbye, yet you 
still cry." The voice was confused. Yet all traces of sadness 
and pity were gone. 
	"If I had no humanity, I would not leak these tears," 
I whispered between sobs.
	"But you are only human. I think I understand," the 
voice answered.
	Images bombarded me again. With much violence and 
pain. The peaceful silence full of anguish was gone. The 
darkness of the night, lit only with stars and the moon 
above wrapped itself about me again. Cries, yells. These 
things assaulted me. Even the ear shattering blast of bullets 
being shot off.
	But one sound sliced through the rest, made all 
others seem like angels? songs. How time seems to stop as it 
does on the event horizon of a black hole in such moments. 
This sound sickened my soul, made all hope leave me. 
Silenced my dreams.
	The snapping of bones, the wet sound of blood and 
flesh torn. Screams. Silence. Finally the crunch of the 
entire body as it was broken, as if it had been grasped by a 
giant monster and squeezed to death. Their heads fell off. 
Like a child in anger pulling the plastic heads of dolls off 
their long ideal bodies. These heads fell with a sloshing 
sound, and rolled to a stop only meters away from my 
contorted form, kneeling as if in prayer apon the cold dark 
road.
	The images stopped. I just looked, stared, at the 
heads that stared with blind eyes back at me. What did I 
feel? Did I feel anger, hate, sadness? Those human emotions 
which caused one pain and nothing else? Full of woe, I felt 
all these things so. But my tears had dried, and marked only 
in streaks down my white skinned face, made so with the 
horror.
	Silence fell. Even Blade ceased his mocking laugh. 
Why? The police made not a single sound wave, and my generals 
and the Soldiers did not move. All seemed to wait for me. 
Somehow my body took on an animation of its own and rose. 
	I stood above, and looked down at the three heads 
that laid at my feet. Always the heads, the embodiment of 
the mind, all that makes the person we knew and loved. Did 
the soul reside in the brain, the mind? Did it live there 
and control the body? Was laughter really the language of 
the soul?
	My body would not move now. My mind was frozen in a 
state of shock. Those around me came back to life. My 
generals walked slowly towards me. I could feel them through 
our cursed blood bond. How I hated blood these days. 
	Their sympathy touched me. Almost made me sick. 
Jadeite touched me lightly on the shoulder, trying to awaken 
me from my trance. He did not know what to do or say. Neither 
did anyone else. 
	The Weapons watched us, silent. They made no move. 
Why did they just not kill us all now when our guards were 
down? Do not tell me they felt pity for me. I did not need 
their regret. I wanted, what? Them dead as my family? Did I 
hate them? Did I want to run them through with my weapons, 
to sever their heads and watch them drop to the ground like 
lifeless dolls as others had only just followed that course 
of actions?
	I did not know. I just stood and stared, my mind 
thinking nothing, my eyes seeing nothing other than their 
lovely heads weeping blood from their crushed necks. My 
sister?s eyes were bleeding. So what was real in my mind was 
real in our so called reality.
	"You know," my parched mouth whispered, the breath 
coming from my soul, "I saw them all go to Heaven. They all 
go to Heaven. All but us."
	Silence again. But then, what could you really say 
to something like that? Deny it? They had no proof whether 
it was a lie or the truth. Like myself, these people did not 
believe in a God or Goddess of any religion. But now? I did 
not know what to believe. Did I want to die? I did not know 
that neither.
	There was a sob, a choke of tears from above me. It 
was a child?s cry. Like my sister. It reminded me too much 
of her. I glanced upwards. Sword was bent over, hugging 
herself, crying. So tempting to walk over and hug her, to 
bring her the comfort she longed for. But this was the one 
who had destroyed the body of the one she resembled. Yet 
now she cried, wept, for the lives burnt out.
	The girl fell, landing apon her knees and hands. Her 
long wavy night coloured hair covered her weeping eyes. Eyes 
that were imprinted in my memory, flecked with silver and 
gold, and all too kind, filled with compassion. ?I like to 
make others feel better.? Those words she had said to me. So 
simple. Yet she had meant it then. She simply wanted to 
make others like her.
	Perhaps, perhaps that was why she had did as her 
brothers had asked, demanded, of her? I didn?t want to hate 
her. She was too much a child. Even though her body, clothed 
like her brothers? in a simple black uniform that hugged her 
curves, with insignia of a dagger stitched into it, was that 
of a young woman?s, she was a child. One that did not want 
to be hated.
	Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Blade. Across his 
scarred face was an expression filled with anguish. Pain 
because he had made one he loved feel pain. His green eyes 
shut themselves. Denial, Blade? It never works. Sabre 
released the bodies of my Mother and Father. He was disgusted 
at his kindred. Did this one have any humanity? If he did, 
it had to be hidden in the depths of his dark soul, in a 
place where even daemons would not venture.
	"What now, my Prince?" Kunzite asked next to my ear. 
	"Who should I ask, Kunzite?" I answered, my voice 
depressed. "My family lies dead at my feet. Sword cries for 
her own soul. Blade feels pain. And Sabre is one without 
feeling. Me? Well, maybe I want to cry too." I looked up at 
the night sky, at the moon above us, watching over us. "But 
I will not. The time for the Angel of Tears to bless me has 
passed. All my tears have been wept. All that is left is for 
me to smile, to laugh. And perhaps to make others cry. But I 
shall shed no more tears."
	And with that, I bent and picked up my crystal sabre, 
and called my sword back to my awaiting outstretched hand. 
With a fluid motion, my sword was replaced in its scabbard 
by my side, and my crystal sabre dematerialised. I then knelt 
on my knees, and brought my hands up in prayer. Believe in
God or not, I would give those I honoured and loved this 
last farewell. 
	My generals stepped back to allow me to have a 
moment of privacy, and I closed my eyes. 
	Time passes. It would for always. Until, for some 
reason unclear to us even now, the universe ended. Everywhere 
we looked, we saw only the past. We can, by physics, say that 
is it possible to travel forward in time, but not back. 
Strange, that. We can see into the past, but not the future, 
yet we can travel into the future, yet not the past. Yet 
Pluto saw the future. But that was because she lived outside
of time. Physics could not explain that. But then, the power 
she possessed was more like magic. 
	I regret what was reality. For if I could, I would 
travel back in time now and try to change what has happened. 
Even if it meant taking you away from heaven. Because I was a 
selfish person. We were, in reality, a selfish race. We 
cared only for ourselves. And so I?ll miss you now, because 
your departure has made me feel a pain I dislike and hate. 
I have and always will love you all. For the kindness you 
have showered apon me. Farewell. And may flights of angels 
sing thee to thy rest.
	Slowly I rose to my feet, overwhelmed by my own 
sadness. I was not in denial. I accepted what fate has set 
into place behind us. But I was sad. Its such a simple 
emotions, sadness. But now I could not, would not, cry. More 
loved ones lost. How much must I lose? 
	"No! I will not feel any of this! Get away from me!" 
Blade?s distressed voice, echoed with madness, rang out in 
the silence. Sometime, when I had been praying, he had 
stumbled over to Sword, leaving his machine behind, setting 
out on faulting legs. 
	Blade stepped back, arms up as if to shield himself 
from the sight of the sobbing Sword, who still sat apon her 
metal hovering contraption, tears pouring forth from her 
clouded blue eyes. He seemed almost afraid of her, of her 
tears, of her emotions.
	"Stop crying!" Blade yelled. "Don?t make me feel this! 
I hate this emotion. I never wanted this again! Not after all 
the tears we shed for our parents!" He voice was weakening. 
	Sword just cried harder.
	"I am sick of the both of you!" Sabre said harshly. 
"Of your endless crying and whining! If it wasn?t for the 
two of you, the damn galaxy would be mine by now!" He paused, 
scheming, dark red eyes narrow. "Now that I think of it, I 
don?t need any of you!" he smiled evilly. 
	Almost like an evil serpent, silent, swift, without 
mercy, the silver metallic arm of Sabre?s hovering ray like 
creature snaked with such a velocity that it escaped the 
eye?s notice, and slithered round Blade?s retreating body. 
With a gasp too late, Blade was torn into the air. For one 
instant, the two brothers looked at each other. Much passed 
between them. I could only guess what their intense gazes 
said to one another. 
	But whatever was said was not enough. The next 
course of action proved that much. Blade?s body was lifted 
with a jerk of motion higher into the frigid air splattered 
with stars. And then, like a giant?s fist, it came crashing 
down, bringing Blade?s head into contact with the hard cold 
surface of the road. The axe had fallen. Not apon some 
innocent. Apon the executioner.
	Another fallen soldier. Another burnt out candle, 
whose flame had been blown out by the uncaring breath of 
Death. This was a night of darkness. 
	Into this darkness Sword screamed. The Inner 
Soldiers turned their faces. The Outer Soldiers and my 
generals watched with grim faces. I could not comprehend it. 
I stared at Sabre who even now, after smashing the head of 
his brother on the black road like a porcelain doll, smiled, 
and looked towards the crying Sword, his younger sister.
	My mind screamed at me. Why did he do this? How could 
he do this!
	Why did I care? Because up until now, I had always 
believed that some good could always be found in the midst 
of evil. Even in my Father, there was a hint of it. That he 
had once loved my real Mother. But Sabre? He defied all this! 
He seemed to care for nothing, no one, other than himself! 
He seemed the embodiment of evil. He seemed to be without 
humanity!
	And I could not understand this!
	Perhaps that is why I broke out of my trance. Why I 
forgot about who had slaughtered my family, my little sister. 
Why my sword was suddenly in my hand, why I was flying though 
the air towards Sabre with an emotion rushing though me as 
wind blasted the leaves of a tree and made them quiver and 
fall. An emotion I did not understand, but controlled me 
never the less.
	His blazing dark red eyes snapped towards me, wide 
as he suddenly realised I meant to run him through. Out of 
no where, it seemed, there was a flash of dark metal, 
gleaming with some dangerous liquid smeared onto the blade. 
He smiled as the distance closed between us.
	The acceleration of my velocity was too great. I 
could not stop now. Even with my powers, this body would not 
obey. It just wanted the blood. To weed from my universe what 
defied my beliefs. 
	I think I looked insane. My eyes were wide, my mouth 
opened, as if to devour this creature in the form of a human 
before me. Dare you! Dare you strike at you kindred! Dare 
you have such a cold heart and soul! To have no humanity! 
	My blade pierced his heart. His sliced into my arm, 
where only thick cloth and no armour protected my mortal 
flesh. Sword screamed. My momentum threw the both of us off 
the hovering creature, and my grasp on my sword slipped and 
I fell away, the wound to my arm stinging with an unusual 
pain. Sabre struggled to kneel, my sword through his body 
up to the hilt, blood stained blade protruding out of his 
back. I choked at the sight, the anger gone.
	"I think I was a fool," Sabre whispered now, eyes 
already blind. They stared at nothing. His words? They were 
directed to no one, to everyone who cared to listen. 
	Unknowingly, I sank to the ground. I listened. I 
felt a terrible sickness in my soul. 
	"We never wanted to feel such pain again, Blade and 
I. We sought to hide it, their deaths, from our memories. 
Sword was the only one who kept a shrine to them, our Father 
and Mother, our King and Queen." He doubled over in pain, 
coughing. Blood escaped his lips. "And in doing that, we 
lost our humanity, our capacity to care, to love. I was more 
successful that Blade." He fell to his side, eyes now shut. 
"I was the more foolish. We are what we are. We are only 
human. We can not stop feeling. I am so sorry, Sword. 
Forgive me." 
	I saw his soul rise and leave this earthly realm. A 
woeful spirit, filled with sadness. Then it was gone. The 
most foolish man was wise at death. Perhaps it would be the 
same with me?
	My vision blurred. I knew I fell onto my side, but I 
could not feel my body? What trick was this? I could feel my 
generals? fear though the blood bond, but I could not feel 
their touch as they pulled me up into a sitting position, 
nor hear their shouts of my name as their mouths opened and 
closed.
	"Come with me, Endymion," the same voice said, the 
voice of the one who had shown me the Staircase to Heaven. A 
white pegasus stood on the air above me, his golden horn 
lowered and pointing to my soul, my heart. His enormous 
white angelic wings reared above him, almost threateningly.
	I felt my soul rise, like it had once, when I had 
visited Serenity. That seemed like another life time. 
Serenity. Was I dead now? I could see my body, lifeless in 
my generals? arms, see the Inner and Outer Soldiers gathered 
around them. Sword was still crying, never moving from her 
floating machine. And the police had begun to close in.
	My spiritual arm reached up, and touched the golden 
horn offered to me.
	White light blinded me. 
	I was gone.

End Part Four, Chapter Four.