A fan fic by Caleyndar. Rating: PG. Notes: This chapter explains many things, but there is little action. By the of this, most of the question are answered, but for various reasons, questions still exist. The character of Elios has been changed to fit the story. Any questions or comments, please send them to: caleyndar@tac.com.au To visit my web site, which as been moved, go to: http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/ Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me; only the few I make up. The story, however, is mine. The Name Endymion... Part Four: Angel of Tears... Chapter Five... Home. The place we call in which we live, where we dwell, where we feel safe. Where one feels as if he belongs, where all seems right, that nothing could go wrong. Where love was the emotion more powerful than all else, where family lived, and played, and talked. Home. The place which I have never had. That I have longed for, wished for, had in imitation, but not in reality. For I defined home as where one?s real parents lived, where one would always feel a togetherness. And even though the place on Earth I had so believe was home, I had never belonged. Those fifteen years I had spent on Earth, with the beloved family that had adopted me, came with the sense that I was different. My physical appearance added to that. My cursed symbol, my jet black hair, my deep blue eyes at which all stared. My family on Earth looked nothing like me. Their relatives, when they had visited, always paid more attention to me. Because I was different. Another basic human need? To feel as if he belonged? Yes or no? Yes. Because we could not stand to be alone. We wanted others to love us, to want us, to need us. We wanted to belong to something so that we could stand and be strong. And thus, we wanted a home. My spiritual eyes opened. Not my physical eyes of flesh and blood. That was else where. On Earth still, perhaps, in the arms of my generals. I did not know. I do not think I cared. What mattered now was what these eyes saw as they opened, and the feeling that rushed into my being that accompanied the sight that greeted me. It was like being born again. A whole new world unfolded before me, a flower blooming, revealing its true colour to the eyes that sought it. A world in which I was loved, in which I belonged. I was home. For the first time since I was born. A baby?s room. Painted in pastel colours, with the Heavens swept with clouds and angels the ceiling, and meadows alive with grass and wildlife the walls. Sunlight streamed in from the arched windows, lighting up patches on the soft carpet littered with stuffed toys. Horses, lions, dogs. A child?s dream land. And a cot was in the back of the large room, fit for a prince. My eyes roamed the room, sweeping the fine details, the play of light. And finally, the figure that looked down at the empty cot covered with dust. The whole room was covered with dust: the sign of neglect or abandonment. Another figure stood beside the first. This one smaller, younger, too much like a child. Too much like, like myself, when I was an innocent child playing with my friends. An outline of my body formed around me. It became more solid, and I could see my hands. Clenching them into a fist, I felt the warmth of my own body against my skin. My arm no longer ached; even the torn cloth no longer marked the wound. It was as if it had never been, Sabre and his poisoned dagger. But my mind was clouded. I could not really remember what had happened. Who was this Sabre? I think I shook my head, but that only sent me reeling. The world tipped, as if someone had grabbed the orb of the planet apon which my soul stood and moved it with a sudden motion, upsetting the downward acceleration of gravity. My head felt wrong, too light, without substance. The soft dusty carpet came up to meet me, and my body landed with a wet sound. Wet? I could hear the blood within this body, the way it sloshed as I fell heavily. The two human like forms turned towards me, the taller one suddenly, almost in shock, grasping with both hands the side of the cot. The other slowly, as if it had always known I was there, and merely waited me to announce my presence to the other. "All is as you wished, my lady," the smaller figure side softly. The voice. Something about the voice. Had I heard it before? Recently? The image of a white pegasus flashed like a blinding light in my mind?s eye. What was this? What was wrong, that caused me be faulted so? Why could I not think clearly, nor remember all that I knew to be archived in my mind? "He can not remember what causes him so much pain. However, this gift will be removed when he reunites with his mortal flesh and blood," the voice continued. It was kind, yet there was no emotion. So monotone. So without passion. Was this figure human? Causes me pain? What? What caused me pain? What could I not remember? My wide staring eyes watched the two of them. As the taller female figure approached me. She knelt by my head. Everything about her suggested she was one of great power, one who was respected by all. Her large brown eyes radiated kindness, compassion, love. A slender and soft skinned hand reached out and brushed stray strands of jet black hair away from my dark blue eyes. "Child, do not try to create a living body filled with organs. Your physical form lies safe on Earth. An outline, a shell, is enough. You only have to listen and comprehend, nothing more," the women said softly, kindly, like a mother would to a son. "Mother," my voice whispered. Mother? Why did I say that! Was it the truth? "Do not doubt yourself, Prince Endymion," the voice said. An image of large white wings, a golden horn. "What you say is true. Your heart knows, though your mind doubts." Light caught a tear, and it sparkled, fallen from the kind brown eyes. "You are my Mother?" I wondered, voice filled with disbelief. My hand came up and grasped hers, feeling her warmth against my ghostly body. "I am so sorry. I killed my Father. I severed his head from his body and watched it roll across the stone cold floor. Those blue eyes like mine still stare at me. But my hair. It is like yours. Black as the velvet night sky." "Be silent, my son. Do not speak such wicked words. Come. Stand now, and let us depart for a room more kind than this. For this was your room, as a baby. Before fate dealt its first blow," the Queen said softly, and stood, gently pulling my shell of a body to its feet. I looked down at her when I stood firmly apon the floor. Tears still welled in her pretty brown eyes, and it saddened me somewhat. It reminded me of something. That perhaps I should be crying too, but I could not. The Angel of Tears had left me for now. This was my Mother? This women with the face of a girl, framed by nighted hair, gifted with such pale skin? So fragile was she! How could one like her be a Queen, and a suffering Queen at that? How could one so slight in frame stand up to such pain? With such thoughts whirling through my blasted mind, I was lead by my hand through places unnoticed. Grand old hallways of a royal mansion, somewhat like castles of the Old World of Earth. The boy tracked us, trailing behind silently, but his presence was always too prominent to disregard. That boy, who looked so innocent, whose voice was too familiar it gave me the most unpleasant sensation when set loose from his throat. I wanted to know, yet I did not. Who knew what nightmares lied behind such hidden memories. I did not want anything that caused me pain. A grand sitting room was our destination. Like something out of the olden days, with fragrant red wood tables highly polished, huge vases of flowers sprinkling colourful petals in the center. They were low to the ground; just the right height for when one sat down on the comfortable white leather sofas. This was indeed home. I think I smiled through my haze. My body felt stronger now, just still not human, not fully physical. I no longer fought against it, and my head no longer felt light nor my mind dizzy. This was not my real body, just what my mind believed my real body should be. For do we not, all humans, all creatures, have an image in our minds of what we are, and how we look? I was staring blindly again, at the crystal glass sitting peacefully on the wooden table, holding dying flowers in icy water. This was Death. Why, as humans, did we sever these flowers, these beautiful creations of nature, from their bodies to display? Does it only matter that we are pleased, that we are happy? That we can stare mindlessly at this arrangement of colour and be filled with pleasure? "Endymion," a voice far away said softly. "Prince Endymion." I started, looking up towards the voice and focusing my dark eyes. The boy was standing off to the side, holding a delicate china cup filled with some streaming liquid. I shook my head a little to clear my thoughts, and from my seated position, took the cup from him, whispering a word of thanks. I dared not drink it though. I did not trust this body. I only held it cupped within my hands and felt its warmth. My eyes travelled up to meet my Mother?s sitting across from me, her long gown smooth and pooling at her feet. She was smiling softly at me, something that made her look all the more breakable. "Tell me, Mother. The truth to all of this," I said softly. My voice seemed not to belong to me. She sighed. I could not blame her. "I suppose it began when you were born, though in no way am I saying this is you fault. You, perhaps are the last one any of us can blame." She paused and lifted the cup to her lips, deep in thought. "The kingdoms were not peaceful then. All were in a truce, but it was an uneasy one. The Crystal Star was cut off from us, and the Shadow had not yet been formed yet. And the Light Kingdom had no quarrels with anyone else. "And then new blood joined this universe. Your?s and another. You were named Endymion, and the other, Serenity. The Prince of the Earth Kingdom, and the Princess of the Moon Kingdom." Never looking at me, she smiled, remembering something filled with joy. "Oh, you were beautiful children, and Selenity and I were good friends then. She came to visit me, bringing her child. "It was a mistake. If only, well, nothing now. What has been done is done." She looked me in the eye, as if telling me this would hurt me more rather than her. "I can not explain it. And those who can will not. But I shall try, for you have the right to know. "When Selenity came with her child, Serenity, and the two of you met and touched, something happened. A reaction took place which shocked Selenity and myself, and more so, millions of others. A soul bond was formed between the two of you. But it was so strong, so bright, and once passing a radius of a few hundred metres, it became a blast of pure energy, and destroyed everything for millions of kilometres around." My Mother fell silent. I could only stare at her, eyes unblinking. She continued before I could comment, before I could leap to my feet in disbelief and rave like a lunatic or a madman. For that was exactly what I felt like doing. "Selenity?s husband, who had remained on their ship in orbit around the capital of our kingdom, was killed, as were millions of souls. Your Father was elsewhere, in another sector of the galaxy. He never even felt the pulse of energy pass though the universe." Perhaps a tear slipped though her guard: she did not want me to see. But it was gone before it ever formed and slid down her smooth cheek. It seemed worn that way. How much had she cried? "Millions and millions died. Only Selenity and myself knew the real truth of it. All my people who survived thought, believed, it was the Moon Kingdom?s doing, for they had an entire fleet of war ships escorting the Queen and Princess. The immediately jumped to the conclusion that the Moon Kingdom had used some magical weapon to destroy the Earth Kingdom, for it was widely known that the Silver Crystal could be used as a weapon of destruction. "From there, a war broke out with your Father?s return. He was enraged, listening to no explanation. You may not know it, but he was very protective of you, proud of the power in your tiny body." The Queen of the Earth Kingdom smiled, looking at me tenderly. "The rest you know, in part. I sent you to Earth, for I knew what your Father was like at heart. He was like many kings. Always wanting power. Or should I saw, like many humans? From there, you know what happened to yourself. Selenity and I have not spoken since. She was devastated by the death of her husband, and could blame it on no one. Only destiny, fate. She took Serenity away, even though she and I both knew that you and she were meant to be together." My Mother looked away, sad. "She fears me. Just as Serenity does. That is why the Queen wants Serenity to be with Diamond," I mused, frowning. "Yet, yet she sent Serenity to look for me. So that she could talk to me. Why is that? Is it so she would not have to lived her life filled with guilt that she broke what was meant to be?" I looked up at my Mother, eyes thoughtful and dark. "And you say you can not explain why we are soul bonded, why our symbols apon our foreheads are identical and interlocked?" "I can not explain, but there are those who knows in part why." She looked up at the boy standing quietly by the table, staring into the distance, seeing nothing. "This is Elios. He was the one who took you to Earth. He appeared moments after the explosion of light created by the joining of your?s and Serenity?s soul." I followed her gaze to the boy with the snow white hair and amber eyes. His attire reminded me somehow of a priest. Perhaps it was the white robe, studded with five jewels across the chest, tied with an emerald green sash around his waist, or the red jewel embedded into his forehead which stared at us like a blinking third eye as light touched it. "But he is nothing but a child. He looks no older than thirteen or fourteen," I said softly, still looking at the boy. Something sparkled above his forehead. Something visible yet hidden. Golden, like a horn perhaps? But it was ghostly. I could not really see it. So was it there? "He has always been like that. Even seventeen years ago," my Mother answered. "Eternally youthful," I whispered. "Is that a curse or a gift, Elios?" The boy looked at me, turning towards me in such a way to make me think that a pair of white feathered wings were folded behind his back. He soft and gentle lips curved up in a simple smile, but to say there was true happiness behind it would be a lie. "I never asked to be like this, no. But I can not say it is a curse to have a body free of diseases and faults." "Is what my Mother say true? That you took me to Earth, that you were the one who left me the box with its contents?" I materialised the crystal sabre to show him what I was referring to. "Yes, that is true," Elios said, glancing down at the jewel studded handle of the deadly energy weapon. "And I am sorry I did not return for you, but I did not think it was safe to do so. And I did not realise that your life would be placed in more danger if I did not come for you." "That doesn?t matter anymore," I said, dismissing the past with a careless gesture of my hand. "What I want and need to know is why did you appear when you did? For surely you play a part in this whole scenario just as I do. What do you know of this?" "I know much. But its not for me to tell. I can and will tell you this. I am part of your destiny. And I was the one who killed your Father when you would not life a finger to do so." His eyes hardened just a fraction, ready to receive my outburst. It never came. Not at first. I only said softly, and with a finality, "Thankyou. But you had no right, even if I matter that much to you or anyone else in this Universe." I stood up and activated my sabre, pointing it at his throat with a smile. "Now, tell me, why you are so desperately trying to hide your little wings and horn from me, before I return your favour and sever your head from your body." "Endymion!" my Mother said. "Don?t ?Endymion!? me, Mother!" I said. "I?m sick and tired of people lying to me! Everyone I?ve ever held dear to my heart has lied to me at some point, and I am bloody sick of it! And you! I heard what you said before, of blocking those tainted memories which hurt from me! Well, give them back! I don?t give a shit about being hurt, but you have no right to take anything from me, no matter what you think is best!" I drew in a breath and the onslaught continued. "I am sick of myself for being fearful of being hurt! I am tired of others hurting me! Just tell me what I want to know!" My hand was shaking with my rage, and the blade was dangerously close to Elios?s throat. He looked calmly down at the glowing blue silver blade, and as if by magic, his golden horn and brilliant white wings appeared. With them, the burden in my mind: my memories. I staggered back, and sank down onto the couch, tears forming in my eyes but never falling. My crystal sabre deactivated and disappeared, my will to fight gone. "Humans are too fragile," I whispered through my quivering lips. "So easily are they killed. What does it matter how strong the soul, the mind, the heart? What do they matter with a dead body? When their access to the physical realm is locked from them? What can they do then? We are so very much mortal!" "Death is a natural thing, Endymion. The will of God. All things must die, for all things must end," my Mother said softly, trying to comfort me in my dark state of mind. "God! God, God, God!" I shouted, anger flaring up within me as if it had never died, never dimmed in my moment of sadness and regret. "I hate him! That he should exist and watch unmoved by our suffering!" I screamed, slashing out with an arm, knocking over the vase of flowers. "There is no God, Mother! And if there was, I would have him dead, for all he?s worth!" "You would say that even if I told you I am an Angel?" Elios asked softly. I stared at the boy, his sleek white wings, whose reach extended above his head and touched the floor even when folded. His amber eyes with their different shades of gold. His kind and innocent face. "It would only make what I say all the more true," I said coldly. "You, who watch me in my horse?s body, never caring that I told you everything! You, who watched as my family on Earth was killed, yet you lifted not a finger, but made me watch their souls go to Heaven! You who killed my Father!" I shouted at him, rising and towering over him. Elios was silent. He stared at me as a broken hearted child might. He was hurt. What was he? An Angel? Or just a child at heart, innocent to the pains of the world? He had looked so confused, as if learning something for the first time, when I had cried apon seeing my family make their journey to Heaven. Could he really be as he claimed? I shut my eyes and turned my face, biting my lips hard enough to draw blood that was not real. "Enough, enough," I whispered through my teeth. "Please, just let me return to my poisoned body. I don?t want to see you look as you do, Elios, Child from Heaven who will tell me nothing. Do as you wish, what you must. But I want no more of this." I turned to my Mother, embracing her in a warm loving hug. "I am sorry. For everything. For destroying your friendship with Selenity, for destroying our kingdom, for killing my Father. For living, really. Please, don?t deny it. Do not deny the truth." We drew back from each other, and she shook her head, eyes glassy from tears, but saying nothing. I smiled softly, holding her warm hands still. She returned the smile, and reach up with on hand to brush my hair back from my eyes again. She was so very much a mother. My loving Mother. "I am also sorry if I disappoint you, Mother. That I do not believe in God, for surly you do. Sorry that I would hate him if he existed for me. But I am what I am. Very little can change what I believe in. And for now, that is what I believe in. That there is no God, and even if there was one, he is worthless to me. Nothing more than a name," I concluded. "Do not be sorry for that, my son. Believe in what you will, but I also believe that God watches over you, and leads you to something grand. I trust in him, and I pray to him for your safety and happiness," my Mother said kindly, pulling me close to brush her lips across my check. As I turned my head to allow her this loving gesture, I looked out the large arched windows lining one of the walls. At first glance, it was paradise, what I saw beyond. Greenery everywhere, an elaborate water fountain, rose gardens. What one would imagine the courtyards of a palace to be like. But apon closer inspection, one could see that much of it was quite new: that there were no old stained statues or over grown leafy stone walls. And beyond the gates guarded by a sleeping guard, ruins dominated the land scape. The power of love could cause such destruction? It seemed impossible. A soul bond caused this. It was like the power produced by splitting an atom, only thousands time more so. It was as my Mother said: the power only turned deadly after a few hundred metres, but that was enough. Do you wonder, now, why love caused such destruction? Well, do not tell me it was fate or destiny. I had heard enough of that excuse. There was a reason. Only no one would tell me. The Gods played with us as if we were Dolls. We created dolls in our own image. Were we just God?s dolls? "Prince Endymion, you must leave now. The others are calling you," Elios said softly. I blinked and shook my head slightly, tearing my eyes away from the distant ruins of my kingdom. I smiled at my Mother, knowing not what to say to her, and reluctant to say goodbye. It was too final, even though I did not know whether or not I would ever see her again. I hoped I would. My heart told me I would. But my mind was doubtful, and since my heart was not really with me, I could not argue with my mind. So I said nothing. Just embraced her again and let my image disbursed in uncountable numbers of photons: the smallest unit of light. White light. Just the Angel and the worthless human shell. "Thankyou for letting me speak to my Mother. And thankyou for many other things," I said softly, sinking down onto the floor which did not really exist. Mist pooled around me. My crossed legs seemed to not exist. I sighed, enjoying the feel of my breath leave my lungs. "What now, Guardian Angel? Should I hate you, or listen to your advice if you have any to give?" "My duty has been done," he replied softly, looking down at my seated form. "For the present. But I will return. Angels do not die," he smiled. "For all your pain and suffering, for what its worth, you will have some time of peace now, but it will not last, because peace without a certain element never will. Consider what you have, not what you do not. Try to make all that is wrong right." "The key word there is ?try?," I muttered. "But for any moment of peace, I will do anything." I looked up at him, thinking many thoughts, but speaking few. In reality, I voice only one. "You care too much," I said quietly. "You blocked my painful memories to help me and comfort my Mother, you made me see a human in you, rather than an Angel because you thought seeing the wings would bring the memories of Wild Spirit dying back to haunt me. Perhaps there is a God." With that, I rose and walked up to him, until he was close enough to touch, to kiss. He stood there, unmoving, staring back into my deep blue eyes with his amber and gold ones. "Are you like us?" I asked softly. "Are you like any humans? Do you help me only for your ends? More so than just giving you peace of mind?" He did not answer. I pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes and feeling his warmth flood through me. And then I stepped back and smiled. I said nothing more, and willed myself be back with my physical shell. Once more, the image of me that existed in my mind was destroyed, and my soul was drifting down to Earth. End of Part Four, Chapter Four.