A fan fic by Caleyndar. Rating: PG. Notes: I don't know what to say. I can only stand in front of Heaven's Door and stare. Part Six: Knocking on Heaven's Door to follow. Email: caleyndar@tac.com.au URL: http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/ Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me; only the few I make up. The story, however, is mine. The Name Endymion... Part Five: The War of Peace... Chapter Seven... Darkness. Fear. Anger. My eyes narrowed, fists clenched, body ready to defend or attack. Red rage burned in my veins. They had her. Her! My Serenity in their hands. Tears stung my eyes. Too much emotion had torn through my being in the last few moments. No, the last few years! My mind was too clouded with hate to think logically. The Sun Kingdom. Why did they take Serenity? Why even take me! It was Sailor Saturn they were after! Shouldn?t they be attacking the Space Divider Field? This was insanity! Black became red. A realm of a scared place, one for sacrifice. Pillars everywhere, circling me, torch light the only dim brightness in this world. Strung up in the form of a cross, her head hanging, golden streamers a veil over her sweet face. A gasp escaped my lips, forced from them in horror to see her in such a state. My eyes were wide, staring, the pupils small, unbelieving, denying. Blindly I shook my head from side to side, my limbs uncontrollable, my mouth a twisted circle as a silent scream of ?no? erupted from it. In a place unseen to me, a mocking disappointed sigh sounded. "This is the great Prince Endymion, holder of the Golden Crystal?" Same voice as before. The one who had spoken to me, welcomed me to my doom. "I excepted someone with a back bone at least," the voice continued, commenting about the position I was in; a heap on the cold dark floor. I could only stare at the figure of Serenity. I felt as hopeless as I did when the Weapons had us in their power. Only this time my emotions, my very heart, felt as if they would explode. So close to the point of breaking down was I. I think I wanted to lay down and cry. "I wonder. Have you not pieced together the puzzle yet? All the shards of the mirror are there. And they reflect your image. And hers. Or are you just afraid?" The woman stepped from the darkness and into the circle of pillars where I lay convulsing. Her voice had lost the cruel edge, and something not unlike sympathy remained. "I think. I think I am. I think I am like a child in the dark. Praying for the light. But. But the light won?t shine for me. The light died. It died. It, it was smothered. Smothered. By me." Halting, broken thoughts, forced from my mind through my dry throat. My eyes, as my cheek was pressed against the floor, still stared at Serenity. Movement had ceased in my body. I had stopped struggling. I lay there, on the could ground, still, only my lips moving as I spoke. I never blinked. Less I closed my eyes for an instant, and the light of Serenity would die. "It must be done. This is the way things are meant to be," the disembodied voice of the women said, a ghost of a voice floating on the void. "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. All things that are born must and will come to an end." I laughed softly. "I think I understand now. What you represent, what you try to symbolise. Do you attempt to give yourself a purpose by doing this? It?s rather pathetic," I whispered, still unmoving, still staring at her. "Who gave you the right to decide for all? Who set you the task?" "God?s Will." Such simple words. And so few. My eyes closed. And I heaved myself up from the floor, somehow managing to manoeuvre my legs under my unwilling body. "What of God?s Gift then? Free Will? Have we not the right to decide for ourselves? Or is that a lie too? Like the rest of my life?" "He questions." Another voice. "Like it has been written." A third voice. "He is the one." Fourth voice. I opened my eyes to see the four Seasons standing around me, between the pillars. Their cold eyes were watching me, as I stood there, taking in my surrounding. But most of all, staring at her. "What do you want of me?" My voice was quiet. Almost calm. I was taking in every detail that defined her, my Serenity. The gentle curve of her cheeks I had kissed too little and too late. Her strands of golden hair, shinning like the sun, here, even in this shadow of death. I looked upon her. As if it was the last time. The last time I would be able to see her. No matter her tortured state. The last time. Now, closed the lid to the white and silver coffin, and lower it into the welcoming earth. How could you leave me! How. How could you let me stand alone here? You were my guiding light, my pillar of strength, the sun I orbited around. You were the soul reason I existed! How could you abandon me, Serenity! Tears. They were dripping from my face, splattering on the floor. Fists. My hands were clutched tight in anger, frustration. My jaw was set, my teeth biting on each other. "What do you want of me!" I yelled, a raw scream from my soul. "This was not how the universe was meant to be." "We could not exist in peace." "All living things felt fear, pain. What they hated the most." "This was no Utopia." Four voices. They followed one another, over lapping, like serene waves on a dream scape beach. They touched me softly, almost fearful of breaking me. Entering my ears ever so gently. Their voices. Almost. Almost like others I had known in the past. Her?s. And her?s. They believed what they said. They believed it to be the truth. And they were to accomplish their goal no matter the cost. Serene. Pure. They were almost like angels. Forget the past, where they murdered Diamond, where they hurt Serenity. The Seasons. What they did. They believed was the correct course of action. So why should they die? Why should I yell and scream at them. One reason. Her. Another reason. Fear. And another. Pride? How was it possible for my perception of others to change so much in such a short period of time? Second ago, I hated them, wanted to kill them. Now? Now I hesitated. Perhaps they were right? Perhaps this existence was wrong. Mutated from what was meant to be perfect into this world where lies and hate and fear and darkness and insanity and loneliness and sadness and, and, and Everything existed! Why couldn?t life be perfect? Why couldn?t the world be perfect? Why couldn?t, why couldn?t! Why couldn?t you just love me! "Tears." "We can feel you pain, Endymion." "We come to end this." "We come to end everything." "So we can begin again." "To form the perfect world." "Where no pain exists." "Only eternal love and peace." "Is this what I want?" I asked softly. I was looking at her again. Please, Serenity. Help me. Serenity. Help me. Serenity. Help me. Help me, please. I don?t know anymore. I don?t know what to do. Please, Serenity. Tell me. Tell me what I should do. Please, please. Serenity. I can?t do this alone. I just don?t know anymore. I never knew. This. This was insanity! "You?ve always wanted to be loved." "You?ve always wanted peace." "You?ve always wanted to have a normal life." "You?ve always wanted to be good." "And I can have all this in your world reborn?" This voice. It came from my mouth. But was it mine? It was almost as if I wanted this. Was this the truth? Serenity, why won?t you answer? Why am I alone? Did everyone else abandon me? Where were Serenity?s Soldiers? My generals? Nick? Dawn? Mother? Can?t someone help me? Please? My hands were leaving my side. My eyes were looking down at them. My palms were open, facing the Heavens. Open, waiting to receive. "There are always two; a hope and a dream. One of Silver, one of Gold. One without the other brings eternal peace. One shattered will spiral into Darkness. Together they hold both Light and Dark, together they both hold Good and Evil," the Seasons chanted, four voices becoming one. A dagger materialised above my open hands, waiting, longing for me to grasp it, to plunge it into soft living flesh, to make it motionless, dead. Again and again they chanted. That phrase! What? What! I did not understand! Did they want me to kill myself? Because I was the darkness, because I hindered eternal peace? This made no sense! What was the meaning of this? How did Saturn tie into this? How did Serenity tie into this! Why bring her if they want me dead? I did not understand! My heart stopped. I understood. "I understand now." My hands took hold on the dagger, lovingly, as if I meant to caress the cheek of my lover. A small sad smile stole over my agonised face. "I did not before, but I understand now. I did not understand before, but now I do." Pluto. You knew. Of course you couldn?t tell me. Who wanted to tell another they would kill the one they loved? Who wanted to be the barer of death, of such dread and darkness? But thankyou. You let me know. I ran away from the truth. Of course. I?m a coward, not worthy of her nor her love. With one hand, I held the dagger. The other, whose fore finger I ran along the blade, sliced open the skin, letting the blood flow. This finger, baring the wound, I lifted to my cheek, where Diamond had slashed me before. It had stopped bleeding. But I had never bothered to heal it. "This is pain," I whispered. "But it is shallow pain, not worthy of being noticed. The pain in my heart hurts more. Why must I increase it? Because the ends justify the means? It is unfair, don?t you think? But then, life is unfair, isn?t it? So I must kill her? I wonder." My thoughts, or my words? "You can stop fighting now, if you want." "You can run away now, if you want." "You can cry now, if you want." "You can be free now, if you want." "I know." These were the only two words that left my mouth as my eyes glazed over, irises becoming black spheres, reflecting the darkness that would soon commence. Standing upon a bleak sea shore. Waves crashing violently. Endless waters stretching towards the horizon. Sky overcast, winds tearing like skeletal fingers scratching at my face and pulling at my hair. The sea. The ocean. One and the same, yet not the same. I come to you now, for the birth of a new world. You, from which all life on Earth came. Take me back into yourself. And then spit me out again. "I will not kill her!" "I can not kill her!" "I can not live without her!" "I can not live without the trust of those I love!" Who?s there? Voices on the wind. Who?s voices? "You do not have to live without her." "You will have her for eternity now." "All you have to do is kill her." "And so the new and perfect world can commence." I spun round and round, arms flying free. Until I fell, dizzy, face eating the course dark sand. Hands formed as claws. They dug into the black sand. They had life of their own, and one still clutched the dagger. Shatter the Silver Crystal. And thus release Sailor Saturn! She will end your horrid existence! "Sailor Pluto. Why did you set this in motion? You knew what was to happen, what will happen. Why do you help this destiny along its course? Do you not think it is wrong?" My voice! It was my voice that spoke these words! Yet they did not come from my mouth! I struggled to twist my body around, sluggishly wiping the sand away from my mouth and straining to see the scene before me. There, a little distance down the black beach, was the image of me, facing that of Sailor Pluto. And who else should be there? Elios, standing off to the side, watching the exchange with passive amber eyes, his silver hair flying wildly on the ocean winds. :Because it is my purpose for living. It is my destiny," the Solider of Time and Space answered, her voice carried on the wind to my ears. "I have told you before, Prince Endymion. I do not wish to tamper with what is meant to be, for I fear the consequences my powers could bring into living. Thus I do what I must to keep things as they are. I follow what is meant to be." "Yet by doing so, you are changing the future that may have been had you not interfered. Why do you follow what is meant to be? Does it all lead to an existence like Utopia? But you do not know. You can not see past this point. Once the Silver Crystal is shattered. So why do you follow the future you see in your Time Stream? Why do you just follow it all, and never question it?" Endymion asked, voice eternally calm. The Soldier of Pluto took a step back, and bit her lip. Her hands were tightly clutching her Time Staff. And then, a single tear fell from her eyes. Before it even hit the dark sand, her image vanished. "And so this world is imperfect. Every living thing eternally searches for their true purpose. In finding none, they create their own. And this should not be so. Humans can not exist without knowing they have a purpose," Elios said softly, eyes watching the grey horizon. "Yes. A purpose brings contentment. One must be content to be happy. And one must be loved to be happy, filled with joy," the image of me answered softly. "And so I do not wish to kill her. I do not wish to erase my purpose in life. "I said I would fight. I said I would not cry. I said I would not run away. In saying these things, I was strong for her. I appeared to be protecting her. I said these things not because I believed them, but because I loved her. Thus I was selfish. Thus I question whether the love I feel for her is pure. Or just something born from desperation and need," Endymion concluded quietly. "Created by Him, at the instant when your soul bond with Serenity was formed, I am Elios, Angel and Human as one. Created of your love and for your love, I am meant to be what brings eternal peace. But I now know, this can not be," Elios whispered softly under his breath, closing his eyes. "Neither you nor I have learnt our final lessons. Let the universe come to an end." Like Pluto before him, Elios vanished. This time, not even a fallen tear marked his place upon the black beach. As if he had never heard Elios?s words nor saw him leave, the image of Endymion continued his speech. "Perhaps the Seasons are right. This world is tainted. Filled with pain, confusion, unhappiness. And it only seems to grow. It does not matter than peace exists between the Kingdoms. No one is truly happy nor content. Humans are too filled with the dark emotions to love with purity. So they can never be happy. If this is so, then let the universe come to an end." Alone again on the shore of death. I let my body collapse back down on the beach, my eyes shut tightly. A play. Set for me. Could I even trust it? Was it my tormented mind playing tricks upon me? Or was this the work of Pluto and Elios? I knew, however, the Seasons did not set it up. But I wish it had been they. For then I could disregard it. Dismiss it. And just kill them. Even though they were not evil. Even though they believed what they did was right. Fool. You could never kill them. Because what they offer is what you truly want. A warmth touching my cheek. Her warmth. My eyes snapped open, and a smile burst into life upon my face. Her eyes looked back into my, filled with beauty, life, comfort. She smiled down upon me, my angel, my love. "Don?t you know yet?" Serenity asked, her radiant form glowing. Her white gown and fair skin gave light to my bleak world. "What you truly want?" "Serenity!" I reached up and embraced her, locking her in my arms so she may never leave me again. "Please, please, Serenity, my guardian angel. Tell me what I must do. I don?t know what I should do. I want so much what the Seasons offer. But it?s selfish. Tell me it?s right. Tell me you?ll forgive me. Tell me you?ll be with me forever, and I will do it!" She smiled again. "Yes. It is for the best. Everyone will thank you for it. Everyone will be happy in the new world. And yes, I will forgive you. And yes, I will be with you forever." She bent down and pressed her lips to mine. "Now pierce my heart, and shatter the Silver Crystal." I smiled sadly up at her and lifted the dagger. "I love you, Serenity. Always." Like glass, the world shattered, the shards of crashing waves, black sand, grey dismal sky flew away from me violently. Fire dancing, throwing its light here, there. The Seasons surrounding me, smiling, filled with joy. And Serenity, before me. Her eyes were wide, filled with pain. Tears welled, but never fell. Her face. Filled with sadness. Sorrow. Emotions she should never know. Her smile. Regret. Her lips formed one word. "No." My eyes widened, staring at her. I looked down at my hands. Together, they clutched the dagger. The dagger, that was stabbed into her flesh. Her blood soaked her torn white gown. Her blood stained my hands. Her single word echoed in my mind. "No." The Silver Crystal suddenly burned in my mind. Bright, endlessly bright. As if it contained all the light in the universe. It hurt to look upon it, yet I could not look away. It was in my mind! So perfect, so beautiful. Bright. White. Light. A crack. A chip. Spider webs formed over its once flawless surface. I felt as if my heart was breaking. Perhaps it was. More and more dense the cracks appeared, until the crystal seemed nothing more than a mass off lines and chips. Suddenly, the intensity of the light grew. I could stand it no more! Reality took over. My eyes were blinded, but not enough to be unable to see the heart of Serenity shinning like a super nova, and then expand, this light, with ever increasing velocity. This light, the light of the Silver Crystal, whipped around me and embraced the Seasons who opened their arms to welcome their new world. The light enveloped everything, devoured all. It was like a signal sent out for all to see before it consumed everything. More cracks. Sound of glass breaking. The Silver Crystal shatter. All was white light. "No." End of Part Five, Chapter Seven. End of Part Five, period.