A fan fic by Caleyndar. Rating: PG-13. Notes: I am starting an Neon Genesis Evangelion and Sailor Moon Role Playing Game entitled "Children of the Second Impact". If you know and are a fan of both animes/mangas, please contact me if you are interested in joining. Email: caleyndar@tac.com.au URL: http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/ 17th Angel ~ A Tribute to Kaworu and Shinji: http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/17thangel/ Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. The story, however, is mine. Closed Palms... "It is said that one who hides his palms is without a soul, or is one who is content to live in solace from society, one who has come to peace with what they are and has discovered their own purpose." Part One: Awakening... Chapter Five... The Sea of Tranquillity. The great body of water on the moon, gifted with beautiful beaches, clear waters, and a peaceful atmosphere. Located about an hour?s walk from the palace, it was a place the Senshi often visited. Having nothing planned in the day, and no signs of approaching danger on Earth, the Inner Senshi decided to picnic there, taking the two pilots and the Prince of Darkness with them. "Usagi!" Rei exclaimed no sooner had they began settling down on a once serene beach. "You?re getting sand all over the blanket!" The Fire Senshi snatched the piece of cloth up from the ground, mumbling under her breath as Usagi started crying, saying Mars was being mean to her. "This is going to be a long day," Makoto sighed, setting her picnic basket down beside her feet. "Unfortunately, you may be right," Mercury answered, sitting down in the shade of the beach umbrella Kaworu and Shinji were setting up, and taking out a book to read. "You know, Ami, the knowledge you gain by absorbing the words found in those books may be valuable, but you should take some time to relax in the beauty of such a place," Kaworu said, glancing over the girl?s shoulder once he had finished his little task. "Yes, Kaworu is right, Ami!" Usagi chirped in, jumping in front of Ami and grabbing the book away. "Come on! Let?s have some fun before lunch. Without reading!" The bright eyed blond grinned and pulled the other girl up, dragging her towards the edge of the water. Shinji watched as the Senshi raced into the cool sparkling water, a half smile on his face. He missed somewhat the company of Asuka and Rei, and most certainly his friends at school. But they were all gone now, torn away from him in one way or another. Heaven had been kind though, and they had sent an Angel to watch over him. The red eyed boy with the twin scars on his back. Angels. They were the enemy, but were not Angels meant to be good and pure, the messengers of God? Either way, Kaworu, to Shinji, was an Angel in the sense of his ability to bring him such happiness and peace, to understand him so completely. No, Kaworu was nothing like the enemies he called the Angels. But the scars he had seen last night? Down between his shoulder blades, mirroring each other? They looked so cruel on his body. Tainting his perfectly smooth and pale skin. The Third Child could not help but wonder how Kaworu had come to possess such scars, but he dared not ask. "You are thinking about something?" Kaworu?s voice interrupted his thoughts. Once again, even after last night, Shinji could not help but blush. "Yeah, just some trivial stuff." "It is the trivial things that creates the simple joys in life, Shinji," the other boy smiled. "Now, have you ever immersed yourself in an ocean? It is different from a pool. If you listen, if you feel with your entire being, you can hear those who live within the water." "No, I never even thought about that before..." Shinji trailed off, eyes drifting towards the open horizon and the waves that curled and crashed on the shore. "Well, let me show you," Kaworu offered with another smile, reaching out with his hands and pulling Shinji?s t-shirt off with one flowing movement. Shinji stood there, more than a little shocked at Kaworu?s action, until Kaworu removed his own shirt and turned his back, starting towards the water line. The marks were clear now in the daylight. Two lines which ran down between the shoulder blades. It was certainly from no accident, the scars. They looked to be from an operation almost. It frightened Shinji to think that some harm could have come to his friend. To think that he would have endured such pain. The grey haired boy turned, flashing another warm smile. "Come, Shinji! The ocean awaits!" "Um, I?m coming, Kaworu..." Shinji mumbled, willing his legs to move forward after the other boy. "I just hope you are alright. I never want you to be hurt," the Third Child whispered in a voice too low for the Fifth Child to hear over the roar of the crashing waves. Watching from some distance away was a figure dressed in black. Having moved away from the group upon their arrival at the Sea of Tranquillity, he sat now on a boulder staring out at the ocean. He found himself watching the figure of Serenity surrounded by the clear sunlit waters, listening to her sweet laughter. Just being in her presence gave him delight almost. And perhaps even brought peace? But that had to be an illusion. He could never achieve true peace. Not until he died. In the stray to bitter thoughts, Endymion did not see the vision of light and purity walk up to him. His eyes stared at her, but his mind did not register the girl coming nearer. "You won?t join us?" Serenity asked, standing in front of him now. Endymion remained motionless for long moments before he blinked, shaking his head as if to clear unseen thoughts. "I have much on my mind, Serenity. I am sorry, but I would like to remain alone for now." Serenity gave her kind understanding smile, a smile that was open, that invited him to smile. "Well, we will be happy to have you in our company when you feel like joining us, Endymion." With another smile, she turned and ran back towards her friends. The Prince of Darkness watched her return to her friends. He eyes did not see her perfect figure, nor her shapely long legs, her graceful neck. He only saw her kindness, her constant want to make him feel something akin to happiness. And that almost made him want to cry. Cry? When the eyes leaked. Had he ever cried before? Screamed, yes. Yelled, yes. When they had done that unspeakable act to him, he had roared with anger. He had even sobbed, begged to remain awake, free. But cried? No, tears had never fallen from his dark blue eyes. To remain still any longer seemed unthinkable. Swiftly he was on his feet, walking fast along the beach away from the group. Silence. Quiet. To be away from their laughter, their joy. He wanted darkness. He wanted to be alone. He never wanted to be hurt again. The cold salt water rolled over him, their force pushing at him, tugging him. Gentle hands that almost seemed to say ?come?, to invite him back to which he had come. Kaworu Nagisa. Kaworu of the Seashore. The ocean. From which all living things came. But him? He doubted he could be classified as such. And the salt water. It stung at the scars. A constant reminder of what he was. "Do you enjoy this, Shinji?" Kaworu asked, floating on his back, eyes closed against the bright warm sunlight. He held Shinji?s hand in his own, telling him though touch that he would always be beside him should he need help. "It is nice. It?s very relaxing. I feel like I am free... Without any constrictions, any weight on my shoulders," Shinji answered in a voice barely audible above the sound of the waves. A sudden large wave rolled beneath them. Its force barrelled under the two children, moving them with the sharp flow of the water. Kaworu was unaffected by it, but Shinji lost his balance on the surface of the water, and sank into it, kicking water high up into the air and flapping his arms trying to resurface. With a gentle laugh, Kaworu pulled him up to the surface, holding him by the waist and lower back. Shinji laughed nervously, being so close to the Fifth Child once again. Without consciously realising, Shinji?s hands had moved up Kaworu?s back to the scars, tracing them with his fingers. The other boy visibly flinched, Shinji?s touch sending pleasurable, yet at the same time unpleasant, shivers down his spine. As if his fingers had been burnt, Shinji snatched his hands away, gasping. "I?m sorry, Kaworu! I didn?t mean to do that..." Shinji stuttered, backing away from the other boy standing in the water. Kaworu let his arms drop back into the caressing waters, and looked into Shinji?s guilt ridden face. "No, it is alright, Shinji. They no longer hurt me. That area is just more sensitive than others." To reassure the Third Child, he smiled warmly, and pulled him into a close embrace, kissing his cheek and eye lids. "But Kaworu... How did...?" Shinji murmured against the red eyed boy?s ear. "They are from an operation I had when I was a child. It was nothing. Please, Shinji, do not worry yourself over it," Kaworu whispered before covering the dark haired boy?s mouth with his own. So involved with their passionate and loving kiss, neither saw the beach ball flying towards them, nor heard the warning cries. Dropping from the air, the huge blown up and brightly coloured beach ball hit both the pilots on the head with a bonk, shocking them out of their intimate embrace. Both fell back into the water, more that slightly distorted in vision. "I?m sorry, I?m sorry!" Minako exclaimed as the whole group half ran and swam over to the couple who were now floating in the water, twitching. With the help of Makoto and Rei, the two pilots climbed to their feet. Kaworu smiled kindly and was about to speak when something distracted him. "Usagi, could you please watch over Shinji?" the Fifth Child asked, barely looking at the concerned Moon Princess for a reply before hurrying out of the water towards the quiet beach. "What was all that about?" Makoto asked, still holding the out-of-it Shinji in her arms. "I don?t know, but were those two just kissing?" Minako asked bluntly. All five Senshi looked at Shinji in Makoto?s arms. The boy just slid down into the water, face very red, embarrassment written all over his features. Only the roar of the waves crashing on the rocks now. No other sounds. But Endymion did not stop his endless walk. His eyes were blank, fixed on nothing, but staring at all that crossed his path. "Do you think running away will ever solve your problems?" The voice from behind startled him. But he should have excepted the Fifth Child to follow him. "Do you think loving that child now will cause him less pain when you betray him?" Endymion shot back, turning sharply and glaring with dark blue eyes at the red ones that looked upon him with such sadness and pity. "Do not speak to me, Tabris. I need no advise from an Angel." "It is strange you should say that, Prince Endymion. Did you not pray for guidance once?" Kaworu asked softly, standing with his hands by his side, some distance away from the Prince of Darkness. "Yes, once! And when I needed it, there was no answer, no sign! I was left to suffer alone, Tabris. So do not speak to me of praying to your God. Now let me be!" Endymion shouted at the child. "You search for peace. In your blindness, you seek death, believing it is peace. Death may be the only absolute freedom, but the peace you search for is not death. In many ways, you have already found what you look for, Prince Endymion. Are you so blind you can not see?" Kaworu asked, never flinching at Endymion?s harsh and cold words. "Shut up, Angel! Do not taunt me with such words. Yes, I am blind! What do you except me to do? Beg you to tell me what it is I seek? Just shut your mouth, Kaworu Nagisa, and leave me alone," Endymion almost growled, his voice heated, filled with frustration. "I only wish you to find your peace. No being should be made to live without love. That is worse than betrayal. That is worse than a tortured death. And that is what your life is," Kaworu said sadly, his smile gone now, replaced by an infinitely sorrowful expression. There was that feeling welling up again. Almost as if he would break down suddenly and cry, or perhaps his heart would split. His mind was screaming, ?don?t care for me! Don?t feel sorry for me! Don?t love me!?. But why? Because he was afraid of pain, of rejection. Of caring for another and never having it returned. Instantly though, his coldness locked that away. A calm like ice stole over his heart and soul. Endymion smiled coldly at the Fifth Child, the Seventeenth Angel. "I only wish you will not feel as much pain when you betray your lovely Shinji as you felt when they severed your wings." The boy flinched. Flash of dark memories. Blinding pain. His own screams as they had torn his wings, his very limbs from his body. That wet ripping sound echoed in his ears. The warmth of his own blood running down his back and his heated tears down his face. ?To make you human,? they had said. ?So you can do what you must.? Physically he felt sick, as if throwing up could cleanse his body of these memories. Kaworu shut his eyes and smiled sadly. "Your words do not hurt me." A lie. "They only show how pained your soul is. You attack me to seek for yourself some comfort knowing I may feel some pain. But as you know, I am an Angel. And I can not feel pain." Another lie. "Only sadness. Only regret. And eternal love." The Fifth Child turned, meaning to go, but stopped. "I am sorry that I will break the Third Child?s heart and trust. And I am sorry that in turn, I will hurt Serenity. But it is my destiny to unite with Adam. And they will not feel any pain after that. But unfortunately, you will." Too shocked, too angry. No words passed Endymion?s mouth as the Fifth Child walked away from him, back towards the one he loved. Back towards comfort, joy, happiness. Was this jealously he felt? That he could not know, nor even understand what that child did? No, not child. Angel. His last words. Meant to torment him. Why? Kaworu knew what and who Endymion was. Thus he knew Endymion had the power to stop what he meant to do. Then why anger him so deliberately? It made no sense. Nothing that boy said made sense. Or maybe he was just misunderstanding everything. That would be nothing new. How he hated all of this. How he wanted to just destroy all in sight. All except her. A smile to his lips that touched his eyes. No matter what state of mind, not matter how black the soul, a single thought of her and all would be washed clean. For an instant, there was no bitterness, no hatred. There was contentment at merely thinking of her, of seeing her in his mind?s eye. Torn again. Confusion again. Hate and fear tearing at one side. And the Princess of the Moon embracing the other. He no longer understood himself. Not that he ever had. Her conscience stung at her, a tiny voice yelling at her for following the boy with the twin scars upon his back to his meeting with Prince Endymion. Now her ears were filled with pain at the words that had passed between the two, and the sorrow that welled in her soul threatened to overwhelm her. But no matter how much sadness she felt, nor how much she wanted to cry for the two pilots and the Prince of Darkness, she could not remain where she was, hiding in the sand duns. Even now the Fifth Child was turning to go. Should he pass her, then surly he would know she had heard all that had been said. So quickly now, like a petty thief, she stole away, her two long streamers of golden hair flying out behind her as she dashed back towards the main group. The voices in his head whispered. Soft dry breezes stirring his memories and thoughts. Try as he might, he could not ignore them for much longer. Another day, and they would force him to do that act. They would make him betray the Third Child and any others he had befriended. And they would then tell him to unite with Adam, the so called First Angel. Tabris wanted that. To return to the one from which he came. Tabris felt the pull and wanted more than life itself to feel his soul merge back into the being from which he had been created. But Kaworu did not. Kaworu asked did he have the right to destroy all of mankind by doing so. Kaworu demanded to know why he must do such a thing. He did not want to hurt the Third Child. He loved Shinji too much now, and he loved mankind and their culture as a whole. That was why Kaworu had said the last words. Yes, their use was to anger Prince Endymion. Perhaps if the Prince of Darkness was hurt and pained enough, he would kill him. And if he was dead, then Tabris would not be able to complete his little task. Thus mankind would be saved from the Angels, if not from themselves. Night again. The darkness always brought some discomfort to him. Dinner had come and gone, and Setsuna had delivered his tuxedo into his room whilst he had been at the ocean with the others. The day had been so enjoyable. He could not really remember a time when he had felt so happy and content. Usagi and her friends made him feel so at home, as if he almost belonged here. And of course, there was Kaworu. Even the thought of him made him blush. The Third Child laid on his back, lying upon the bed with which he had shared with the Fifth Child last night, smiling slightly. Despite everything though, he could not help but feel a sense of forbidding. Any kind of happiness he felt never seemed to last... And just the thought of losing Kaworu now was horrifying disturbing. When the next Angel attacked, what would happen? Asuka was still in the hospital, and Rei?s Unit 00 had been destroyed. Would Kaworu pilot Unit 02? But Shinji did not want to think about that. In truth, he hated piloting the Evangelions. A polite knock on the door that adjoined his room to Kaworu?s sounded. "Come in," Shinji called out, without rising from his position. "Resting, Shinji?" Kaworu asked, walking with silent footsteps to where the Third Child laid. "Yeah," Shinji replied, looking up with a smile at the Fifth Child. "It was a great day. Thanks for making it so, Kaworu. You are a wonderful friend... And more." Kaworu smiled, leaning over the other boy and brushing his lips on Shinji?s. "No, Shinji. Thank you for giving me such joy," Kaworu answered softly. A comfortable silence fell before Kaworu spoke again. "I came to tell you that Usagi has informed me that they are holding the ball tomorrow night. We will meet the Outer Senshi then. Do you know them well?" "No... I?ve only battle with them once. And they left as soon as it had concluded," Shinji answered, sitting up and looking solemnly into the red eyes possessed by the other boy. "Kaworu... I really do not want for the next Angel to attack. I don?t want to leave. Here, on the moon, with Usagi and her friends, and you, I have known the first true happiness since my Mother died..." Kaworu did not reply. He looked away. "Kaworu... Did I say something wrong? I didn?t mean to upset you..." Shinji apologised. "You should not assume that you are always wrong, Shinji. If you do, there are those who would use that against you," Kaworu said softly. "But no, I am not upset. It is merely that I do not want our time here to end either. But unfortunately, it must, and it will soon." The sadness in his voice was unmistakable. Shinji could only stare at the grey haired boy. It was as if he knew what would and must happen. And that scared him. Kaworu looked at him again, smiling warmly, as if their previous conversation had never taken place. "I think, what would do both of use good, and refresh our weary bodies, is a nice shower and bath together." With that, Kaworu pulled Shinji off the bed and towards the bathroom. Night was slipping into day, yet she still could find no peace in comforting sleep. The knowledge she had acquired today haunted her, kept her awake, lying there on her silken sheets. Kaworu Nagisa. Shinji?s best friend. An Angel. Their enemy. What could she do, knowing this? She understood his position, why he must complete his task. She understood why Endymion wished for death, and why he would not kill the Seventeenth Angel. But could she just let this slid? Take no notice and watch humanity be erased from the Earth? And the answer was no, because they had sworn to protect Mankind. Kill the last Angel. Or watch a race be destroy. That was the choice. And time for making a decision was running out. End Part One, Chapter Five.