Title: SIU - The Sailor Investigation Unit Part 31 Author: DDFA (Mark A Page) Email: ayanami@merlin.net.au ICQ: 9845111 IRC: Saitou^Hajime on DALnet's #AJAS Fic Rating: R -------------------------------------------------------------------- S.I.U. - The Sailor Investigation Unit by DARK DAY FOR ANIME (Mark A Page) Disclaimer - all characters pertaining to the series Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and Silent Mobius are owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Kia Asamiya, Michitaka Kikuchi, Bandai, Studio Tron, Kadokawa and Kodansya. All other characters were thought up by me. Warning - this chapter contains scenes that would be most correctly described as gruesome. Thusly, I rate this chapter as R.... You have been warned. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "I love you, Dione.... I love you...." ----o My name is Nakano Miyuki. And I am dead. I killed myself. Put my gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Moment of pain.... Then nothing. Well, that is how death is. You don't exist, anymore.... Get used to the idea.... It's coming to you, one day. Why did I kill myself? Because I was scared, and I don't like being scared. I don't like feeling at all.... Perhaps I'll tell you why.... Perhaps not. My choice. ----o Part Thirtyone Dead Under the Bed ----o There isn't much that goes on in my head. That is not to say that I don't think very much, I just don't like thinking.... It leads to that aspect of myself that I most despise.... The aspect that tries to insert emotions into my mind. I hate emotions.... They're a nuisance. They get in the way of everything you do. Everything is so much simpler when you don't have to feel anything at all.... Especially if you've spent much of your younger years killing people, like I have. I think it all started when I first became aware.... Aware of myself as an individual entity.... It is really quite hard to define when this occurs. Of course, everyone knows they exist, but do they truly know they EXIST.... That they are as much a force of nature, a physical presence, to which everything around them must navigate in the hope of creating a safe passage.... It was probably when I was 6 years old that I first became aware of myself, in this capacity. Until that time, I existed in a kind of waking dream.... The kind of existence we all have at that stage.... We are very selfish creatures when we are young, but there is a point to which we are not conscious of our actions, and the consequences they have on other people. The first moment I became aware of my actions, of myself, and what I was capable of, was when I killed my mother and father. Sorry. You'll probably get upset at the thought of a six year old girl, killing her parents. Perhaps I could make everything better for you if I start off by mentioning all the nice, warm, happy moments we shared.... Comfort you as you pick away at my thoughts.... What few thoughts there are.... In my mind. It's so much easier to swallow than the nasty ones, despite the typically voyeuristic nature of human beings. No.... I've mentioned the fact, already.... Too late to insert any warm fuzzies, here.... Sensations of love and warmth that really don't exist. There was no emotional warmth radiating from either Mama or Papa.... Papa was a salaryman. He worked for a major corporation. He also had a drinking problem, was dying of liver and kidney damage, and had a bit on the side. He also had a debt to a Yakuza loan shark and helped pay for his debt by providing secret company financial documents to rival corporations. Mama was a housewife, and an abuser of barbiturates, who liked nothing more than tormenting young boys, sexually, starting with the neighbours and moving farther afield for victims. Shotacon out of control. And a fun time was had by all. Of course, it was my DUTY to society to rid them of their lives. So I cut Mama's throat whilst she lay, doped to the eyeballs, in bed.... Wasn't going to be much of a struggle, then.... She did make funny little gurgling noises, afterwards.... Death rattles, probably. Always know someone is on their way when you hear those.... Kinda amusing, that strange, rasping gurgle noise.... Seemed to go on forever.... At one point, as I contemplated the mess on my nightdress, I wondered if I should have used a sharper knife, rather than one of those serrated-edge ones.... But then, it was the only knife that Mama or Papa had ever let me use, for cutting bread and the like, so I was used to the back and forth motion needed to slice through her flesh. Hmm.... Now where was I? Oh yes, after that, I then placed a tripwire across the darkened main hallway of the house for Papa to fall over as he returned from another "meeting", drunk. Suffice to say, he didn't notice the string at all.... I would have thought that someone, even in a state of inebriation, would notice several coiled strands of household string crossing their path.... Obviously not. He went butt up and cracked his head on the floor. I hit it a couple more times with a baseball bat, just to make sure he was dead.... My nightdress really got kinda messy about then.... And it was kinda smelly, too.... I didn't know the inside of a human body could smell so much, especially not the brain bit.... Hmm.... The insides of the human body.... Maybe I had a fascination with what made people, for want of a better term, run, so I've spent much of my life deconstructing them to see.... There was that retired school teacher.... Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting a bit carried away, here.... It's so hard not to reminisce about times like that.... ----o "I'm sorry, Iapetus.... I'm afraid I can't forgive you for what you've done.... To kill in such a manner, for reasons no better than to see what it would feel like.... It's a crime beyond perception.... Beyond humanity...." "Does it upset you?" "How could you be so calm about it all? That wasn't just some object you slaughtered.... It was a human being.... A living, breathing person." "I'm sorry, Queen.... I don't see the point." "WHAT? HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THE POINT?" "Political criminal, attempting to escape custody. Had to die." "Is that the excuse you are using to justify your actions?" "Do I need any more?" "I cannot believe your attitude. Where is your SOUL?" "Ma'am?" "Your SOUL.... The thing that makes you human... You do know what a SOUL is, don't you?" "Don't see the point of your argument. Punish me, if you must. I must return." "TO WHERE?" "My post. Can't leave for long." "DAMN YOUR POST! I'M IN THE RIGHT MIND TO HAVE YOU....." "Banished?" "I should.... I really MUST..." "You won't." "WHAT?" "No point. Iapetus requires someone like me. Replacement the same. Cycle begins anew." ----o So, having killed my mother and father, I took a bath and washed off the blood. I then went to the fridge, had a midnight snack and went to bed. Did I mention the fact that Papa's body smelt? I found it annoying after a couple of hours, so I had to spray him with air freshener.... It helped a little... but after a while, the smell, not only from Papa, but Mama as well, just got worse and worse and worse.... There were also phone calls from people, worried that they hadn't heard from them.... That Papa hadn't been to work, and such.... There were even a couple of calls from the Yakuza.... Maybe I should have gone to school.... That was what gave it all away.... That and the fact that the food was starting to run out.... Oh, and the smell had moved from the house to the street outside, as had I.... Everyone was so nice to me when the neighbours took me in and phoned the police. It's times like that that make being a child worthwhile.... Nobody was willing to believe that a six year old girl could kill her parents, so the police rounded up the Yakuza and tried them for the murder, after I told everyone about the threatening calls.... They were convicted, too, which was kinda funny at the time. At least, I could see the humour in it all.... Everyone else was so dour and serious.... Like they were making a big thing of people dying.... People die every day. So what? The world doesn't suddenly end when someone ups and carks it.... Well, it does for the person in question, but that's to be expected.... EVERYBODY dies. It was when I realised this, that everybody and everything must die, including myself, that I first started having the dreams... Dreams of having lived, and died, before. ...................... I really don't know what to say about these dreams.... It's kinda hard to say.... I've spent much of my life forgetting the things I dream.... Of running away from faceless, pursuing enemies, of travelling through impossibly large and exotic cities, full of people doing strange things.... Of travelling landscapes and coastlines that defy description.... Architecture of bizarre form and shape, tv programs that never existed.... My subconscious mind likes to make up for the lack of passion in my real life.... One of the reasons I've been doing my best to ignore my dreams.... They require too much energy from within to keep alive for very long.... I much prefer to retain that energy for my existence. But these dreams.... They frightened me.... On occasions, I would wake up, screaming, covered in sweat, and mightily embarrassed. It was like a huge, flashing neon sign that said "she's got problems in the head department", and I spent many a wasted hour, talking to a series of psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and social workers about it, simply because it worried people. Didn't worry me. Much. Except when I thought about it. Then I would be struck with an awful coldness, and everything that had been solid and predictable would suddenly become ethereal and ephemeral.... And I knew it to be madness. I ran from it.... Carving into the population my profession as a killer.... I had to kill people.... It was the only thing that really satiated the static state into which I would fall at these moments.... The extreme drama of such an act.... It's so.... It's hard to describe.... Everything would suddenly come back into focus. Everything would suddenly become REAL again, and I would know, then, that I was REAL. ----o "There is far too much blood on your hands, now, to turn back to what you once were.... Stay with me, for a while, and I can, perhaps, wash some of it off." "Feeling for me?" "Iapetus, I have always felt for you.... Even though the Queen and the other senshi feared and avoided you, I have always felt for you." "Dione.... When will we die?" "Who knows.... They left us behind.... It shows their typical contempt for us.... We were never a part of THEIR world.... Even in death, they mock us." "Mock us...." "Yes.... From whatever afterlife they have found themselves, they stare upon us who are still within our mortal forms and laugh, for they feel it is the fate we justly deserve...." "Always mocked us." "Even the Queen despised us.... And the Prince and Princess... They all hated us for what we represented in their eyes... A dangerous, yet necessary, challenge to their thoughts and beliefs.... And we shall go on challenging those thoughts and beliefs for as long as we continue to live." "Left behind." "Don't try to think about it for too long.... They know it shall drive us mad.... To be left behind, rejected. We were the ones who succeeded in allowing Serenity to do what she did, and our reward is her eternal contempt." "Contempt." "They don't truly understand what love is.... Love is what we have.... What we have always had.... They merely saw it as an obsessive feeding of character traits between us...." "Obsessive love." "Emotional dependency.... Yes, you have emotions, underneath your dead exterior, they exist, otherwise why partake in what we have shared, all these years?" "Love. Perhaps." "There is still something we can make of our lives.... What remains of the human population must be guided.... We shall show them that we can make something of this world.... That we were, always, better than them in every way." "Better...." ----o But then, there were always those who considered my profession to be essential.... That was why I ended up with the Shiranui Yakuza, one of the oldest families in the Tokyo area. I was admitted into their fold, albeit reluctantly, by their leader, when I was no older than 14.... because of a job I had done for them.... Silencing a witness to the murder of a police informant. They didn't want him dead, of course, but that didn't mean killing was out of the question.... A simple vanishing would have sufficed, but I promised my boyfriend at the time that I'd bring back the guy's ear as a gift. Boyfriend, you ask? yeah, I had one, once.... He was the one who saw me through into the organisation.... Set me up a meeting with the old man of the family, Midan. Shiranui Midan is a bastard of the highest order.... likes to control people through a mixture of threat, emotion and psychology, and he's good at it, too.... I think what impressed him the most about me is that he has never been able to work me out.... That's why he appointed me his daughter's guardian. She needed one. Was as old as me, and the complete opposite in personality.... Kimi's mouth works at ten to the dozen, but most of what comes out is spoken in a kind of code.... She never says anything straight out.... What she really thinks and feels is a complete mystery to many people, and she, too, perplexed her father.... Not half as much as I do, but all the same.... She was an uncontrollable girl, used to getting her own way. Naturally, I was going to fall in love with her.... Yeah yeah yeah.... My boyfriend wasn't too pleased. But then, he was just there for the occasional moment of amusement.... I was genuinely attracted to Kimi.... And Kimi reciprocated these feelings, especially as I became better and better at reading her thoughts, actions and words. Kimi likes to be the centre of attention.... She was a born actress, dressing up in all kinds of costumes and such, and putting on little performances for people.... Much like her mother did.... Many people considered her mother to be the true power behind the Shiranui Yakuza. At least, she was in an operational sense.... She ran the brothels, drug imports and production and the grafting side of the business, Midan was the businessman's face. Both Kimi and I knew better, and we knew that, one day, Midan would cut all strings to his wife's redemption. The day it happened was the day Kimi and I pledged eternal allegiance to each other. Kimi had become tired of my ex- boyfriend's attempts to get me back. So, reeling after the revelation of her mother's suicide, she had him drugged and bound in her bedroom, and we ritually slaughtered him, then and there.... Our emotional co-dependence was sealed with his blood, which we collected in little vials and placed in the meals of everyone in the household that night, without their knowing. And with the ingestion of that blood, we vowed that, one day, we would both inherit control of the Shiranui Yakuza family. Course, there was another reason Midan appointed me as his daughter's guardian.... For the very reason he was unable to work me out, he didn't like to think that there was such a person in this world, one that was beyond his tricks and controls.... So he wanted me close, where he could watch me, and use me for what I'm best at. I've had to enforce his law more than once.... Usually nothing more than wandering members of the family, and the occasional civilian... Oh, and there were those politicians. And those seven uniforms.... They HAD to go.... And that shopkeeper.... And those twenty members of the Aum Shin Rikyo cult that refused to pay the rent at one of his properties.... Come to think of it, there have been a hell of a lot of occasions when I've had to enforce his law.... Maybe he really DOES have me worked out, after all.... Or maybe he thinks my public face is all that there is to me.... He'll be in for something of a surprise if he continues to think along those lines. ----o "Dione. Where are you? I don't want to be left alone like this.... Alone.... Please.... Answer me.... Where are you, now? Why did you have to leave me?" Time. "I'm not good, alone.... I wander, in mind, spirit and body, when I'm alone.... I can't run this world, all by myself.... I don't have it within me.... You are my voice, I am your action.... What is the point of action without words?" Dark. "I'm not good at saying what I really think.... You know that. Now that you're not here, I can say everything, out loud.... But whenever we were face to face.... It was beyond me. At least, I never needed to talk, when you were around.... You always knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling, on some instinctive level...." Silence. "Please, don't tell me you're gone, forever.... I can't bear to think what life would be like, without you.... I have to.... I have to have YOU beside me.... I need it.... Please, show yourself to me, on this dark night...." Emptiness. "If tears are not enough to get you to return to me, what will? Must I, too, face the agony of death for us to be reunited? Nothing has gone the way it should have.... Is this part of THEIR plan, to mock us from the other side of death..... It is almost too much to contemplate, that this is what THEY arranged for us upon the moment of their own passing.... the conflagration that ended all..." Death. "Will there be no happy ending for us? Are we so unworthy of the gift of love? Are we just monsters, sent to wash others' hands of the dirtier, immoral choices? What is the point of love at all if, in the end, that is all it means...." Forever. "I love you, Dione.... I love you...." ----o I love her.... Shiranui Kimi.... But it's all going wrong... We had plans.... Plans to destroy those who had brought about her mother's death.... Those freaks of nature, the Sailorsenshi.... Magic? I can't believe in magic.... It's just illogical.... How can such a thing exist in this world? Even moreso, magic that is the ultimate, binding force of love.... There is only one kind of love I understand.... The bond that has formed between Kimi and myself the few short years we have known each other.... The love that the Sailorsenshi share is one we shall never know, never be a part of, for it cannot encompass two whose pasts have been such as ours.... I am.... Where was I? No.... Where am I? Where am I, now? I was in a hospital.... But I can't be.... I'm SUPPOSED to be dead.... Is this what lies beyond death, for one such as I? Wandering as some kind of spirit, throughout the streets of Tokyo, alone, forever.... That would mean Kimi is now alone.... Loneliness for Kimi would be worse than a sentence of death.... She needs me.... She wouldn't be able to live without me.... Why did I have to kill myself? I know why I tried.... It was because of HER. It was because of SATURN. She was prying into my mind, bringing forth the dreams that I have tried to suppress all this time.... Dreams I had only shared with Kimi.... For Kimi, too, had had such dreams, of a similar place and world, and she reciprocated the honour of allowing me into this private facet of her mind.... To tear these dreams from deep within my soul.... I can think of no better example of my soul being raped.... ----o "I cannot believe your attitude. Where is your SOUL?" "Ma'am?" "Your SOUL.... The thing that makes you human... You do know what a SOUL is, don't you?" ----o Saturn knows me better than any other being on the planet.... In the UNIVERSE. She didn't need to do that to me.... She didn't need to bring up my private fantasies and thoughts.... Tear them out of me.... She already KNEW what they were, because she has always been a part of them.... And the fact that I could see the recognition, in her own mind, frightened me like I have never been frightened before, in my life.... I cannot be a part of the love that surrounds the Sailorsenshi, yet she tells me I am.... I don't WANT to be part of that. I don't belong there. But she tells me I must. And so must Kimi.... For if the future is to ever come to pass, as it should, we MUST be a part of it, regardless of who and what we are. And I ran away by killing myself. What would Kimi do? I well know what she would do.... Exactly the same thing.... But Saturn doesn't have the power to give her a second chance like she did me. And if Kimi dies.... ----o "Dione. Where are you? I don't want to be left alone like this.... Alone.... Please.... Answer me.... Where are you, now? Why did you have to leave me?" ----o The streets of Tokyo are cold and wet.... Where am I? How did I get here? From the hospital.... How did I just appear here? What did Saturn do to me? What power is it that she has over me? I have walked many streets, I have seen many things.... Long periods of time have passed between the two moments where I have been alive.... Two different Kando Miyukis.... I am but one version of her, and yet I am not so distinct from what I was, then. I am patently insane, for no normal human being does, has done, the things I have. What am I to do? What was I brought back for? ----o "What did you do to me? How did you stop my death? My dying? How did I get here? This hospital.... I feel... I can feel Kimi.... I can feel her, alone, in the darkness.... Where is she? Where has she gone? What is her destiny?" "Dione.... is searching... for her... longtime friend. Are... you going... to allow her... to meet the... destiny you foresee? Understand... Iapetus... Understand why... I saved you..." ----o Somewhere, on the streets of Tokyo, Kimi is alone, and afraid. Afraid for me, and for herself.... I too, am afraid, and I don't like the feeling. And I very well know why I am afraid.... I don't want to feel as alone, with someone as unpleasant as myself, as I was in the final years of my previous life. Alone, without the one person who actually meant something to me. And I shall not let her die again.... To leave me alone, again, in the throes of madness.... For there has never been anyone else but Kimi, not even myself, that I have learnt to love. Does there really need to be another reason? Didn't think so. Well, that's my excuse for living. What's yours? ----o "I love you, Dione.... I love you...." END OF PART 31 -------------------------------------------------------------------- As unpleasant as some characters can be, they can also be pathetically tragic.... Obsessive, emotionally dependent love is as devoid of reason as some madnesses. ----o Next Chapter - "Conjoining Truths and Untruths" Preview.... She had landed on the tiled surrounds of a large swimming pool.... Even larger than the public pool she had often gone to in her younger days. The pool was set in a large, covered hall, but alas, there were no windows so she could get a bearing on her surrounds. The hall was lit by a simple exit sign above a door at the other end, giving it a fairly ghostly atmosphere. The only relief was the gentle buzz of the pool filter in the background. Usagi got to her feet, rubbing her tailbone and performing a little dance as she tried to recover movement against the pain she felt. She stopped when she realised she was alone. "S... Setsuna-san? Pluto, where are you?" Her voice, regardless of its deliberate softness, echoed around the hall, coming back to her as a confirmation that she was, indeed, sans Setsuna. She shivered for a second. "C... Cthulu-san? Are you there?" "Blurkle snorkle...." Came the bubbling reply from the bottom of the pool. ----o _________ / @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page) / / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au /\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of \/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan \___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese /_/ \_\ PU Animation Society ^_^ ^_^ ADELAIDE CROWS FOOTBALL CLUB - AFL CHAMPIONS 1998 ^_^ ^_^ Version 1.1 - Tuesday September 29th 1998