cdavies@gpu5.srv.ualberta.ca (Chris Davies) Sailor Moon / Bubblegum Crisis Best of All The Years Part One I'm not exactly sure how I got talked into being the celebrity judge at the karaoke contest that Ronnie threw to celebrate the grand reopening of his place. I mean, of all the people in the business that Ronnie knew, there must've been someone who fit the profile a little better than me. I hate karaoke. Of all the weird stuff the twentieth century came up with, that has got to be the weirdest. Okay, maybe that and bungee jumping. But I owed Ronnie -- he'd been one of the first to give a certain newly formed group called "The Batty Bunch" (yeah, it was corny ... changing it to "The Replicants" was probably one of the smartest moves I ever made) a break. And I pay what I owe. And I figured it wasn't so bad -- I mean, it wasn't like I was going to have to listen to Nene do karaoke. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, our VERY special celebrity judge for this evening, a face and a voice that is no stranger to the Ronper Room! The Reigning Queen of Retrothrash, Priss Asagiri!" A brief moment to shoot my wad of gum into my hand, and I strolled onto the stage, to scattered applause and wolf whistles. `Yeah, in your dreams,' I silently informed the whistlers. "Ladies ... and gentlemen, if such endangered species are to be found in this hole ... thank you for your applause. But it ain't me who deserves it, no, it's you people. You, who are brave enough to stand up and court complete humiliation in a karaoke contest. My hat goes off to you." I lifted my wig. "It ain't right for you to have to go through that without having seen at least one of your judges sing along to a melody written before she was born. So, here's "Everything Louder than Everything Else" as recorded by His Hugeness!" I know that I will never be politically correct. An' I don't give a damn about my lack of etiquette. As far as I'm concerned the world could still be flat. And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back! And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back! I scanned the crowd as I sang the next two verses over the CD accompaniment -- there was the usual mixture of the walking wounded and the living dead who make up the barfly population, a number of retrothrash wannabe's (Consider that image -- people who want to get in on a trend that prizes style over substance, who have no style. Boggles the mind.) and an unusually large number, for this neighborhood, of Megatokyo's solid citizens. You know the type. The "just following orders" type. God, I hated them. And where the hell was Linna? She'd said she was going to show up to give me moral support ... maybe her class was running late. And I ain't in it for the power, And I ain't in it for my health, I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all, And I sure ain't in it for the wealth! But I'm in it 'til it's over and I just can't stop. If you wanna get it done, You've gotta do it yourself, And I like my music like I my life, Everything louder than everything else! Everything louder than everything else! Everything louder than everything else! Man, what a song. I mean, most of the stuff that came out of that period is just plain crappy ... but some of it was pure gold. Yeah, the fact that it described my loosely defined philosophy perfectly didn't hurt either. All it needed was a few references to a certain company whose name rhymed with venom and the immediate need to destroy said company, and it'd be perfect. And maybe a slam of overly perky hackers. They say I'm wild and reckless, I should be acting my age, I'm an impressionable child in a tumultuous world, And they say I'm at a difficult stage. But it seems to me to the contrary, Of all the crap they're going to put on the page, That a wasted youth is better by far Than a wise and productive old age! Wasted youth is better by far Than a wise and productive old age! &c. And so on, and so forth, 'til the end. Applause, even some cheering. No fruit. I slid the mike back into its stand, and trotted down to the judges' table. "Was that bit about humiliation necessary, Priss?" Ronnie hissed in my ear. I lit up. Clenching the cigarette in my teeth, I grinned, and whispered, "Yes." First contestant, some girl named Hino Rei. Crazy tradition- alists. Why not just give her a nice normal name like "Raye"? She was going to be singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Weird coincidence. My song and hers were written by the same guy. I scanned the lyrics. Not really as impressive, more an "oh, I need him so badly" type song ... She walked up to the mike slowly and gravely. Her hair was dark like the night, and her eyes were not much lighter. She was tall for a woman of Japan ... hell, for a woman of anywhere ... and dressed in a red gown. No, not so much a gown as a ... cloak. A cloak that covered her upper body, clasped at the throat. She stood before the mike, head bowed, as the short introductory music played. As the first softly whispered "Turn around" came off of the sound track, she lifted her head and began to sing. (Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming round. (Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears. (Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous That the best of all the years have gone by. (Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified And then I see the look in your eyes. (Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart. (Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart. And I need you now, tonight. And I need you more than ever. And if you'll only hold me tight, We'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right, Cause we'll never be wrong together. Once upon a time I was falling in love, Now I'm only falling apart ... Nothing I can do, For total eclipse of the heart. She sang with a quiet, desperate intensity. She had a beautiful voice. In a kinder world, she might have wound up as an opera diva. As it was, she'd probably wind up as some recording corp's flavor of the month. (Turn around) Every now and then I know You'll never be the one you've always wanted to be. (Turn around) Every now and then I know You'll always be the only one who wanted me the way that I am. (Turn around) Every now and then I know There's no one in the universe as magical or wondrous as you. (Turn around) Every now and then I know There's nothing any better; There's nothing that I just wouldn't do. (Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart! (Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart! And I need you now, tonight. Wait a minute. I checked the lyric sheet. In the first two verses of the stanza, where she'd sung "the one", they listed "the boy". Weird. And we'll only be making it right, Cause we'll never be wrong Together we can take it to the edge of the night. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I dunno what to do, I'm always in the dark, We're living in a powderkeg and giving off sparks! I really need you tonight, Forever's gonna start tonight! Forever's gonna start tonight! Once upon a time I was falling in love, Now I'm only falling apart. Nothing I can do, for total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time there was light in my life, Now there's only love in the dark. Nothing I can say, but total eclipse of the heart. A great song, even if she did mess with the words a bit. A great song, and one hell of a singer. I started to clap ... I felt a pinprick under my shoulder ... And then ... I was floating in a clear liquid, staring out at a weird, surreal world. The only thing that looked like anything was something like a distorted human face, fairly close to mine, underneath a mess of blue something-or-other. My brain realized I was in a liquid, and told the rest of me. I clamped my open mouth shut, and started to thrash. I wanted to get a hand up to my nose, but I didn't have any room to maneuver -- my universe turned rigid about an inch above my nose and a couple more to either side of my hips (at that point I realized I had no clothes on). A voice penetrated my panic. "She's come awake! Get her out of there, now!" High voice, very probably female. The distorted face shifted with the voice. Maybe it was the source ... Something cushioned the back of me. A light shone above my head, and I began to move upwards ... or at least towards the light. My face cleared the liquid, and I felt it start to flow out of my nose, and I gagged, trying to get it out of my mouth and throat. It tasted worse coming up than it had going down. My eyes were too blurry to see anything clearly, just lights, and motion. My ears, on the other hand, were fine. I heard little snatches of conversation ... "So who is she?" "Some twenty-first rocker." "Why do we have to decant ..." "Orders from the palace ..." A head interposed itself between my face and the lights. "Ms. Asagiri? The device I'm placing on your face is going to remove the substance from your nose and mouth. Please do not panic." That voice was the same one that had ordered me out of there. Wherever there was. Something clamped on my face, forcing my mouth open. I felt suction in my nostrils and throat. The "substance" flowed up and out. My eyes had begun to clear up. I could see the woman who was operating the device now. She had bluish-black hair. It was likely that she had been the face. Which meant that the face had been the source of the voice. Good deduction, Priss. The suction had been drawing nothing but air for a minute. She removed the device. "Now, do you remember who you are?" Oh yes I did. I was somebody's captive. NO GODDAMN WAY. I surged up, and slammed a fist into the woman's face. She fell back with a startled cry. Before I could do anything more, a bunch of people piled onto me. I screamed, I swore, I lashed out, and I was pinned. I heard the voice, a lot harder, say, "Sedate her." I felt a pinprick under my shoulder ... And I was laying on a bed, my hands firmly manacled on either side of it. It was a comfortable bed, and a nice room. A pair of chairs were beside the bed, and a large picture window showed a clear, blue sky and a bright sun. The place was much more comfortable than any the Megatokyo jails had ever offered me, but the fact remained that I was a captive. I don't deal with captivity well. After screaming myself hoarse for an hour, I finally quieted down. Like magic, a door opened on the far side of the room. In stepped in the tallest woman I've ever seen. She was just a shade under seven feet tall, with auburn hair tied back in a waist length ponytail. She wore a sleeveless, skintight white garment, a green metal breastplate, a green mini-skirt, a pair of green high heeled boots, and white gloves. At her waist she carried a sword. I took a long look at that sword. It was like a scimitar, but even though it didn't look like it was a vibrating blade, it still seemed to be the sharpest thing I'd ever seen ... "Are you going to behave?" she asked, in a quiet yet husky voice. "Maybe," I answered cautiously. Caution is always indicated when dealing with an amazon who might run you through at a moment's notice. She let out a weary sigh. "I'll put it like this. If you behave, you'll get some answers. If you don't behave, I'm going to close this door, and come back tomorrow with the same question. Let me make this clear. I don't like you very much. You gave one of my best friends a black eye yesterday, after she'd gone through a hell of a lot to bring you to life. If you don't want to behave, fine. It means I don't have to look at you." I'd been under for a whole day? "I'll behave," I said suddenly. She stepped back into the corridor beyond the door, and spoke too softly for me to hear to someone standing out of sight. Then she came forward, stepping aside from the doorway. The woman who entered then was not quite as tall as her bodyguard (that much, at least, I could guess from their body language). She had long, golden-blonde hair that was gathered up in two long braids that stretched to her ankles behind her. Her deep blue eyes were filled with compassion and trust. She was dressed in a large gown that looked like it was intended for a formal dance. "Greetings, Ms. Asagiri. I am Queen Serenity. I bid you welcome to Crystal Tokyo." She moved gracefully to sit down in one of the chairs. The tall woman stood behind her, never taking her eyes from me, or her hand from her sword. "I apologize for the restraints, but Lady Jupiter insists. She is frightfully put out by what you did to Lady Mercury." "Lady Jupiter being ... her, right?" I asked, making a head gesture to the amazon. Serenity nodded. "I have learned, the hard way, to take her advice in such matters. It is a terrible thing to have to learn things the hard way, do you not agree?" She seemed not to notice the fact that I pointedly ignored the question. "Now, Lady Jupiter stated that you would be given answers. What questions trouble you the most?" "Well, for starters, where the hell am I?" "A more complicated question than you realize, I think. As I said, you are in Crystal Tokyo. However, as you have never heard of Crystal Tokyo this is not actually an ..." "I've heard of Tokyo. Or Megatokyo. I live there. The sky there is never like that, though," I interrupted, making another head gesture, at the window. "The two cities are related ... Tokyo has gone through so many name changes ... Tokyo, Megatokyo, Neo Tokyo, Scrap Iron City ... I believe our naming manages to capture the spirit of all of them, however." She sighed. "Perhaps the simplest way to explain what has happened to you is to make it quite clear to you when you are. What date do you think it is?" "I dunno ... it was August of 2033, last time I checked ..." "You are incorrect by nearly nine hundred years." "You people think that it's 1133?" "No, Ms. Asagiri. We are in the first third of the thirtieth century of the Christian reckoning." It took a long moment for that to sink in. "Wha ... what ... how ... how is this ..." "I must explain a great deal, Ms. Asagiri. Which would you rather have explained, the method by which you have come to be here in this time, or the reasons that you are here?" "BOTH." "Very well. This may confuse you, Ms. Asagiri. Put simply, you are not, in the truest sense possible, Priscilla S. Asagiri, "retrothrash" musician and member of the Knight Sabers. Under our law, a clone is not considered to be a "reincarnation" of a person, but a separate being. If Priscilla Asagiri ..." "Hold it. HOLD IT." She paused. "Knight Sabers?" I said, deciding to tackle the easiest part first. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Ms. Asagiri, there is no need to dissemble. We are aware of her career as a mercenary vigilante. Remember that nearly a thousand years have passed since the days you remember ... now, as I was saying ..." "What happened?" "I beg your pardon?" "I'm a clone? So what happened to the original ..." I can't bear to say, `the original me'. "That is not clear. History records that the Knight Sabers dropped out of sight in the early 2040s, around the time of the destruction of GENOM ..." "We won ... that's something at least ..." "It certainly is implied that they may have played a major role in the corporation's downfall," Serenity agreed. "There is a memorial to them on the palace grounds, perhaps you would care to visit it at some time in the future." "Yeah, right." She shrugged. "As you wish. In any case, you'd no doubt like to learn the reasons for your revival." "Damn straight!" "To begin with ... your last memories are of a certain karaoke competition, are they not?" "Yeah ..." "An individual using the name Rei Hino performed there. She is ... or was, rather ... one of my allies, Lady Mars. At that time, we were only beginning the steps that would eventually lead to the foundation of our city. Especially important among these early steps was the collection of genetic material of various individuals whom we decided would be of importance in the future. Lady Mars was greatly impressed with Priss Asagiri's singing ability and musical talent." "So you stole my DNA." The pinprick ... "Essentially, yes. Some time thereafter, when we became aware of her other career, it was clear that you would be of great use to our realm in a military capacity. There are very few individuals in our genetic library who have as much experience in guerilla warfare as Priscilla Asagiri." "So I've been drafted," I muttered bitterly. Serenity shook her head. "No, in point of fact you have not. You have been restored to life in compliance with the final orders Lady Mars gave before she severed her alliance with us. You are free of any obligation to enter military service, Ms. Asagiri. I welcome you to the thirtieth century, and invite you to take advantage of all the benefits of our society." "Pass, thanks. If you'll just undo these handcuffs, I'll be out that window -- I assume we're a few floors up -- and out of your hair in a jiffy." "I beg your pardon?" she asked mildly. "You stole my DNA, dragged me into the future, and cloned me, you damn well better better beg my pardon! I don't want to live in this world!" "So you intend suicide?" "Damn straight!" "I truly regret this, Ms. Asagiri ..." "Look, just call me Priss, all right?" "That would not be appropriate. But as I was saying, I respect an individual's right to decide whether she will live or die. Unfortunately, we cannot allow you to commit suicide. TINSTAAFL." "Gesundheit." "No, Ms. Asagiri, TINSTAAFL is one of the fundamental principles of our society. There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. The government of Crystal Tokyo has invested a large sum of money in your preservation and revival. You owe us." The basic inanity of that statement overwhelmed me for a few moments. "I didn't ask to be brought back to life! Why should I pay for it?" "Because you benefit by it. Part and parcel of TINSTAAFL is the concept that those who benefit from something should be made to pay for it, just as those who suffer by it should be compensated." "How the hell do I benefit by being dragged back to life?!" She stared at me for a long moment. There was a tremendous sorrow in those eyes. It was impossible to look at them and not feel very, very small inside ... "Only those who have never known loss could ever ask that question, Ms. Asagiri. I would give my own life to bring back any one of the noble souls who have died in the name of the Crystal Kingdom, but my life is not mine to give. Do you truly value your life so little that you do not see its continuance as a miracle?" "I want my life on my own terms, dammit! And who the hell do you think you are, saying I don't know about loss! Do you have ANY idea what I've been put through?!! ANY?!!" "You lost your entire family in the Kanto Earthquake. When you were seventeen, your lover was killed. Within the last year of the time that your genetic material was taken, you were forced to kill a close friend, one Sylvie ..." DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. She had been damn smart to put the manacles on me because otherwise I'd have been strangling her at that point ... "... whom some of our historians believe may have been more than just your friend ..." "WHAT?!! What the hell do your historians spend their time doing, wanking themselves over weird fantasies about people who're dead?!" "Ms. Asagiri, that will do. You will have the opportunity to clear up any misconceptions about Priscilla Asagiri's personal history. Returning to the issue of your suicidal intent -- an implant has been made in your spinal column that will automatically alert an emergency response team if you are in danger of fatal injury. They have orders not to cease to perform resuscitation attempts under any circumstances. If need be, we will grow a clone of you to ensure that you pay your debt to society." "How am I supposed to do that? I have nothing, unless you've been compounding the interest on what was in my bank account ..." "We have not, and in addition that would not be your bank account, but that of Priscilla Asagiri ... however, you will be provided with a job suited to your skills and training, and we will garnishee a portion of your wages each month until you have cleared your balance." "I AM Priscilla Asagiri," I insisted. "Under our legal code, you are not." "I don't give a shit about your stupid laws! I AM PRISS!" "If you choose to believe so, that is your privilege. Unless you have any further questions, the time alloted for this interview is drawing closed, is it not, Lady Jupiter?" "I'm amazed you've put up with her for this long ..." the amazon grumbled. "She reminds me a great deal of Lady Mars," Serenity said, "and I have ever endured much more abusive behavior from her, have I not?" "Waitaminnit. This Lady Mars is the one who had me brought back like this?" I asked quickly. "Correct. She gave the order." "Why?" Serenity let out a long, sad-sounding sigh. "I do not know. Perhaps you should ask her." "Then bring her here, please!" The last word didn't come easily at all. "I would if I could, Ms. Asagiri. However, due to a dispute in policy, Lady Mars ended her alliance with me only a few moments after the order concerning your disposition was issued. I do not know where she is, and I would like to speak with her almost as much, I think, as you would. Good day, Ms. Asagiri. I hope that you enjoy your life. The manacles will be released when I exit the room." And then she rose up, smiled, and walked out, followed by Lady Jupiter. As the door closed behind them, the manacles opened, freeing my wrists. I got out of bed, and walked over to the window. Sure enough, I was up a few floors. I'd say at least forty. The city stretched out in all directions, buildings that looked like crystals mixing with ones of more traditional construction. Beyond the city was a huge body of water ... the ocean. In the far distance, I could see boats. It was the most beautiful cityscape I'd ever seen. God, I hated it. I backed up to give myself some running room, and slammed myself into the window. The idea was to slam *through* the window, but from the way I smashed into it, I got the feeling that I'd be broken by it before I could break it. I slid to the floor. Nine hundred years. Linna, Sylia, Nene, Mackie ... dead. Probably dust. Hell. *I* was dust. I wondered if there was anything left to bury ... I rubbed my eyes, because I realized I was crying. Nuh-uh. That's what they wanted me to do. They wanted me to start weeping in despair, to freak out, to give up. I don't give up. "You hear me, you bitch?!" I shouted. "I'm Priss Asagiri, and I don't EVER give up!" They wanted me to make my way in this screwed-up wannabe utopia on their terms. Forget it. I'd do it on MY terms. And I'd find this Mars bitch, and make her tell me why she'd dragged me out of the grave to live in this awful, beautiful city. Count on it. To Be Continued. Sailor Moon was created by Naoko Takeuchi, and brought to North America by DIC. Bubblegum Crisis was created by Keichi Sonada, and brought to North America by Animeigo. The songs "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" and "Total Eclipse of the Heart", both written by Jim Steinman, were published by the Edward B. Marks Music Company. The preceding story, while incorporating aspects of these motion pictures and songs which are held under copyright by others, is copyright 1996 Chris Davies. Nobody sue me, okay? Chris Davies, Advocate for Darkness, Part-Time Champion of Light. "I am not a very nice person anymore." - Rand al'Thor, "Crown of Swords"