Hotaru~

I realize I haven't been around all that long, but my soul cries out for 
Usagi. If
I had the strength left in me to whisper just two sweet words I could fix it 
all.
Why hadn't I used my power? Why can't I now? Somehow fate has determined
I am not to intervien in this mess, even if it means our total distruction.

I wish I could hold my glaive now, but I can't even move my finger tips to
graze it's handle. So close, yet so far away. I can't move my body, I can't 
even
feel warmth from Chibi-Usa anymore. Our hands still loosely linked together
as we both lay motionless on the ground. I cannot tell if she is alive, or 
if she
is dead. I pray it isn't the later.

I hear my princess scream out in rage, a spark making me squint my eyes soon
followed. She was till alive... still fighting. She was so brave, how could 
she
do it? For all she knew, we could all be dead.

Look at me, such a morbid young girl. Usagi as seen, and experienced more
death than I probably will in my entire life, and still I cling to it. I am 
almost
greatful I am not in Usagi's shoes, such a brave woman. How can she continue
fighting, when so much is already lost? Of course I would fight beside her 
still
if I could - but her hope, her love, is still unyeilding to this evil. 
Perhaps we
can learn a lesson or two from our Princess of the Moon.

I wish I could hear someones voice now, my own ragged breath is sick to my
ears. It reeks of my failure, a constant reminder to me that I am here on 
the
ground while my Princess still fights for all of us.

Gods, I love her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I remember the day it was decided Chibi-Usa would be called upon to help us.
I was so thrilled she was going to come back, I missed her dearly. Though, 
at
the same time I truly feared for her safety. I am the bringer of death, it 
has been
my purpose as a scout to see to the safety of this world. I could accept, 
rather
distastefully, all these deaths that surrounded me. But could Chibi-Usa? She 
was
so innocent, so bright... just by seeing what this horror had done to our 
dear
Usagi, I worried the same would happen to Chibi-Usa.

Of course I realized she wasn't immune to the idea of death, nor had she 
ever not
had to barely escape it more than once herself - but this situation was so 
entirely
different. But I didn't want another thing to worry about at that time, so I 
just
smiled, and looked forward to seeing my dear friend.

When she arrived all of our spirits had brightened. To see such a glowing 
face,
someone so untouched by this evil. She didn't know yet, everything we had to
tell her. Why she was back. Why her past mother looked so... pale. She had
remarked almost instantly on how much more like her future mother Usagi
was beginning to look, only, a little dulled. I frowned deeply when Usagi 
broke
down into sobs and wrapped her arms tightly around her future daughter.

"Are you sure we should have her here? Please Puu, tell me we can do this
without her..." Usagi pleaded with Setsuna.

Setuna shook her head, "I am sorry, Princess. You know as well as I, we are
all needed during this time of distrucion and chaos. Chibi-Usa must stay and
fight beside us. Please have faith in what I am asking..." she said in her 
normal
monotone voice. But I could see in her eyes having Chibi-Usa here, adding to
the danger, was breaking her up inside. I knew better than to say anything 
on
the subject. She had reasons for her mask. What good could possibly come
from her breaking her resolve now? We all needed her strength, even if it 
was
faultering as fast as our own.

Chibi-Usa looked worriedly up to Mamoru, confused by her mothers plead
to Setsuna. I wish I could've sent her back, I wish I could have said 
something
to keep her from joining us at any battle, or of ever knowing anything about
what was going on in the 20th century Tokyo. But I could not. And the fates
kept her at my side.

~~~

I tried not to listen as the tales of battles were explained as delicately 
as possible
to Chibi-Usa. All the while in my own thoughts. I wondered... should I use 
my
ultimate power? Should I just destroy everything? But something in me told 
me
that was not possible this time. It could not be done. I almost felt 
forbidden
by some unknown force, to do what I wished I could. And so I did nothing.
And the battles raged on...

~~~

The battles had died down for a week. It's funny I should use that word, but 
the
pun was not intended. We were restless. One should think we would be 
relieved,
but it seemed to have quite the opposite effect. We'd all had very little 
sleep, little
to eat. Usagi was in and out with a fever, we weren't sure if it was because 
of her
exhuastion, or because of her shift to her Queen form. I was very worried, 
not only
was my princess sick, but should another battle come about, we surely 
couldn't ask
her to fight beside us in the condition she had been in for the past week. 
I'm sure if
we even tried Mamoru would probably lose it.

Time were scary. Fear is not something the bringer of death feels often. But 
I very
much so feared this enemy, and what it could do to us, and our world. I 
feared for
myself, I feared for my friends, and I feared for my Princess. I do not like 
feeling
fear.

Waiting. Constantly waiting, I hate waiting as well. The others were trying 
to come
up with new tactics, some sounded promising, others sounded like a very 
desperate
joke. I didn't mean to judge, or sound as though I am. I just don't know how 
to
piece any of this together. We couldn't very well just pounce on the enemy 
undetected.
Mainly because we had no idea who the enemy was, where he came from, or why 
he
was being such a destructive, vicious person. How could we remain one step 
ahead,
when he was always two?

We discussed all the public places they may strike. The mall, the movie 
theaters,
popular restuarants, playgrounds, schools, large business buildigs. But we 
couldn't
guess where he would go next. What his strategy was, why he chose where he 
chose to
attack. Where next. We knew nothing. And this was the most frustrating thing 
of all.
We'd never faced anyone like this before. It didn't matter if it took us 2 
minutes to show
up to a battle and defeat the lame youma's. Two minutes with this creep, 
meant several
lives of our peers. Two minutes meant life and death, and a second could not 
be spared.

Ami worked on her computer, updating, creating and playing with it's 
signals. Trying
to find the best way to pinpoint the evils location immediately. I'm sure 
she was very
grateful the battle had ceased, despite my healing, her shoulder was still 
very sore.

We had been fortunate thus far, if you could call it that, that one of us or 
more had been
at the scene when the enemy appeared. Could they be targetting us? No... I 
shook my
head in silent thought, they did not know who we were. If anything, this was 
the only
luck we'd had on our side so far. We could be quick - but what if they 
showed
somewhere, where not a single one of us was? How long would it take us to 
get there
and stop them? Would we be too late anyway?

I suppose one more thing that lady luck granted us, was that most people in 
the
beautiful city of Tokyo were too scared to leave their homes. Though, that 
was slowly
melting away as reports on the news spoke about the recent lack in action, 
and made the
loud assumption that we, the sailor senshi, had probably destroyed the 
enemy. How
could they make such a guess? False security to the crowds? Foolish 
reporters, did they
want more people to die? It was almost like a sick lure created by the 
media, to draw
people out into the open for more attacks.

I sighed, just as Ami's computer started blaring out a warning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rei~

Failure. A simple word, and I accept every bit of it. Failure. I have 
failed, we have
failed, and only Usagi stands between us and the enemy. How could I have let 
this
happen? Even in this pool of my own blood, I despise myself for laying here, 
helpless.

Failure.

I hate how it echos in my mind, over and over. If I could speak I know it 
would rolled
angrily off the tip of my tongue. Perhaps I would scream it, let it erupt 
from me with so
much hatred it alone would scare this whicket person away.

I squint in the darkness, my hearing failes me, and I can taste the blood in 
my mouth,
but I have to look at her once more. The pride I hold in my heart wouldn't 
let me die
before seeing my Princess fight for all of us as she has so many times 
before. I lean up
on my good arm and peer into the darkness at the dark purple light 
surrounding our
enemy, and the pink light surrounding Usagi.

I can't feel it, but I know my face has twisted into a disgusted look of 
amazement. 'How
the hell..?' But I don't know. And I can't seem to form a real solid thought 
in my mind.
Was this it? Was our future all a lie? Something created to keep us going, 
in hopes
perhaps we could pass this final test?

Was this how I was supposed to die? A lousey failure?

I never believed it when my father had said so, and I don't want to believe 
it now. But I
can taste the salty tears mixing with the blood in my mouth. Perhaps I am 
supposed to
die this way. What honor should I be given, a weak girl, laying here in the 
darkness,
surronded in her own blood. What demise do I think I deserve? Certainly not 
one of a
hero.

I have failed my Princess, and our world.

I don't deserve to live. Even if this enemy had been destroyed before, as we 
had
thought, the doubt in me that we could win again, with these horrible odds, 
makes me
ashamed even of myself. The bitter taste in my mouth makes my sore body jolt 
in
sorrow from tears I can not even cry. Why did it have to end this way? I 
can't even hope
that Usagi would bring me back if she defeats our enemy. I don't deserve her 
love. I too
have watched my friends, my team mates, drop one by one and I tell you I 
don't want to
live this way anymore. I know, as I can no longer feel the coldness of my 
blood, or smell
the horrid smells that surround me, and even as my sight dims, blurs, then 
fades, that I
am dying.

I won't know if my princess wins, or if she dies. I can only manage a small 
prayer for
them all, before I fade away.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd never considered that my very home would be a target for the enemy. 
Hell, why
should it be? Generally the Shrine is quiet and peaceful, with perhaps a few 
visitors
now and then who request a good nights rest, or a special charm or blessing.

I suppose, I should have considered it - when I was stuck fitfully making 
several charms
in an awful hurry one morning, a week after Chibi-Usa had arrived. My how 
she'd
grown, as pleased as I was to see her, I had to wonder if it was the best 
idea to have her
here during that horrible time. But who was I to say, from my recent fire 
readings I
knew we did need her help.

Back to my charms, after the recent battles more and more people were 
showing up
daily for protection charms, and blessings. While the others planned out, 
after I got in
my few words of course, I sat up front with my grandfather and helped hand 
out these
charms. We did our best to calm their worries, but even I couldn't manage 
that. I
snapped at a few people, angry and their fearfulness. What did they have to 
be scared
of if they stayed in their homes? We were the ones out there risking our 
butts for them!
But I instantly regretted it.

Why should I be angry at them for being afraid? I was afraid, we all were. 
No, I
shouldn't have blamed them for being afraid, of course they should. Their 
friends were
being killed, their family, neighbors. Grandfather had me excuse myself, he 
was
surprised that I had snapped at a customer. I decided it was for the best I 
step away for
a few moments. I decided perhaps it would be a good time to check in on the 
senshi
meeting, to see if they'd come up with something new. I was walking along 
the deck
when I heard two things at the same time, both startling me into action.

First, a loud alarming beeping sound I guessed must have been coming from 
Ami's
computer.

And second, screams erupting from the front of the shrine.

My heart froze, but my body was quick to react. After I'd transformed I was 
running
madly back around the corner I had come from. A flurry of people were 
fleeing towards
the steep steps that lead to the shrine, several mindlessly trampling over 
any in their
way. They reminded me of some kind of frightened animal herd. But it wasn't 
long
before I realized what they were running from - and that I had to act fast.

Sometimes... the burning rage within me makes it so very hard to keep my 
powers
under control. I can feel it, welling up inside me, just aching to get out 
and attack. Hate
is something I can openly say I have felt before. Hurt turned to hate. And 
since that
first hate I could never keep my temper under control. And during this 
battle, I didn't
want to.

Of course the other senshi were already there at my side. I could feel Ami's 
eyes on me,
as well as Usagi and Mamoru's as well. I didn't realize why until I looked 
around
myself, the tree's in flames, singed bodies of the masked destroyers idling 
twitching on
the ground. I almost smiled, watching Neptune put out the flames. I didn't 
know so
much had happened. Shaking my head, I looked around for any other enemies.

But my eyes fell upon a solitary victim.

I don't know if I can fully explain to you what it was like seeing the only 
parent I've
ever truly known, sprawled out in blood, dead to the world. I can hardly 
remember
everything I felt, anything I said, or even how I managed to reach my 
grandfathers
broken body. I sat there, I don't know how long, rocking him in my arms 
silently.
I wouldn't let anyone near me, I remember that much. I even threatened twice 
to
shoot fire at Jupiter and Mercury.

How could this happen? How could I let this happen? I could never make this 
better,
or take it back. Never.

The funeral was held privately, two days later. I would never be the same.

~~~

My last memory was a haunting one. Not only for the failure of my princess, 
my
friends, but of my grandfather. The man who had taken care of me, and loved 
me,
and made me everything I was so proud to be in life.

The prayer is gone and said. And now I know I am the first to die, of all of 
my
companions. And that's just adding insult to injury. I should have been the 
last
standing. Perhaps I really have given up, maybe I gave up the second I saw 
my
grandfather lying similar to how I am now, in a pool of his own blood.

Either way, as I close my eyes for what I know will be the last time, my 
only
thoughts are of love for my princess, my friend, and for my failure to all.

Goodbye.
_____________________________________________________________

And there you have it. End of Chapter 4. :)
Flames, Comments, Suggestions and whatever else are all welcomed.
dreemwrld@hotmail.com

Cheers!
Destiny