Memoirs of a Daimon (by Greenbeans ) Yes, now that does sound like a suitable title. Short and to the point, much as my life has been. Oh, and who am I, you ask? I am Whiplash. I appeared in that episode where Uranus and Neptune attacked me and then Sailor Moon hit me with a giant pink heart. Eh, yes, I see your point. That did happen in just about every episode of the S season. It's okay if you don't remember me. There was so much filler that they probably cut that episode out and you didn't get to see me to begin with. Indeed, with this being my memoirs I shall tell my story even if they did happen to leave it out in the first place. It all began the day I was created (quite obviously). Professor Tomoe had recently watched some American movie featuring a hero named Illinois Bones. To be candid, the Professor had gotten off on the whip. (And you didn't realize he was the dominatrix type, did you?) The very next day I was created using a whip and that cookie-oven-turned- evil machine of his. Mimete was my master then. Now there is one scary lady. She had several odd *habits* that could send a chill down anyone's spine. Amongst them was a tendency to break out in maniacal laughter that was the equivalent of raking your fingernails across a chalkboard. My poor eardrums, I think the Professor taught her that trick. She also made me taste her foods before she ate them. There was no need for her to fear of one of the other Witches poisoning her; the food itself was enough to do it. I made a habit of getting to work before the Witches so that I was the one to make the morning coffee. Together they couldn't make a decent pot. Motor oil. That is what they were making. And while that may have worked for that poor nameless racing car daimon, it was not suitable for us more distinguished of the daimon crop. But I've digressed. Where was I? That's right, I was discussing my time with Mimete. Thank you for reminding me. My day for fighting the Sailor Senshi came soon enough. Mimete was suffering from her expected complex of not wanting to hurt the cute victim she had selected and I was left without orders on what to do. Finally she ordered me to attack. I was well equipped for the job if I do say so myself. With multiple whip-like appendages I lashed out at the Senshi. Alas, the battle was over before it started really. Sailor Uranus had cut loose with her World Shaking attack, with my world certainly being shaken afterwards if you catch my drift. Then Sailor Neptune felt obligated to grind salt (water) into my wounds by nearly drowning me with her Deep Submerge. It was not a pleasant experience! "Sailor Moon, hurry!" Neptune had yelled at the smaller Senshi. Why hurry? I was in no rush to be killed by giant pink heart. I mean, honestly, what a way to go? Couldn't Uranus hit me with her World Shaking again and put me down with some dignity? Even after the prompting, Sailor Moon did not seem to want to get on with it. She twisted and twirled about as I waited to be sent to where ever defeated daimons happen to go. I felt that if this were the summer Olympics, the Senshi in question would deserve at least a 9.5 for her gymnastics routine. My disgrace came and I was run over by a large pink heart. "Lovely!" I exclaimed. I'd wager you are wondering what was so lovely? No, there was no clause in my contract that said 'lovely' had to be my last word. Nor would I call that misplaced leftover from Valentine's day lovely. What was lovely was standing on the outskirts of Villain Heaven. Yes, I got to see it as The Pink Heart from Hell was using me as a road. I walked out into the lush grasses of Villain Heaven. I nodded politely as I passed a group of vanquished co-workers that I remembered. I approached the heavenly coffeepot and poured myself some of the liquid. Hesitantly, I tasted it. Oh, what sweet ambrosia it was! Not too bitter. I hugged the cup to me. "It's great here, isn't it?" The racing daimon poured herself a cup. She smiled then said, "Just like motor oil." I looked back at my cup. We had poured out of the same pot. "The coffee always comes out however you want it," the swimming pool daimon explained. "Do you actually have a name?" "Yes, I'm Whiplash," I said. It was rare for us daimons to have a name that you could refer to us as later on. "Is Eudial here?" I asked. Though I never had the chance to speak with her since she was 'released' before I was created, she seemed like someone I could relate to. From what I heard she kept to herself, worked hard, she only wanted to succeed. Unlike a certain witch who wants to get it on with anything that walks on two legs and she considers 'cute'. "Ha! They wouldn't let the Witches in here. They would screw it up like they did on the Earth plane. Only nameless bad guys, er gals, are allowed here," the racing daimon took a deep swig of her coffee. "15 minutes until the bi-weekly community meeting. All Daimons are asked to attend," a pleasant voice announced from no traceable source. "Come along Backlash, you might find this interesting," they pulled me along. "My name is Whiplash," I mumbled softly. We entered a large auditorium. There were far more seats than there were daimons that I knew of. I inquired my guides about it. "This isn't just a heaven for Daimons. There are also Youmas and Cardians here," the racing daimon said. "And besides," the swimming pool daimon added, "you don't honestly believe that you are going to be the last Daimon destroyed by the THN." "THN?" I asked confused. "Tactical Heart Nuke," they said simultaneously. "It's what we call that giant pink heart attack of Sailor Moon's." I nodded my head as we sat down in the front row. "I heard a Daimon was killed on the Earth plane today," someone whispered behind me. "Yes, her name was Succotash." 'That's Whiplash,' I thought darkly. "Welcome friends to this special meeting," the temple daimon, which was the first to be defeated in the tv series, said from the stage. She put on a pair of reading glasses before calling roll. With that done, she took her glasses off and began the meeting. "She's our leader," the pool daimon said. "She was the first defeated, but she is the only one of us to have not suffered the humiliation of being defeated by THN." "Yes, it was Neptune that sent her here," the other added. "Actually, there were others that weren't killed by Sailor Moon," I recalled my Daimon history (however short it is). "One of the twin tire daimons that ambushed Neptune was destroyed by Uranus. And the daimon that attacked them while on a training retreat was destroyed by Jupiter." They sweat dropped. I continued, "In fact, she wasn't even the first. The first would have been the one Neptune destroyed while defending Uranus before she was Uranus. The one that looked like a daimon from the manga." The both pushed the tips of their forefingers together. "She's our leader, we don't know why," the racing car daimon said meekly. We turned our attention back to the announcements. "As you all know, except the newly deceased Whiplash, we have been gathering enough energy to pass one Daimon over to the Earth plane. I am happy to announce that the time has come to chose our representative!" There were cheers scattered amongst the gathered daimons. I coughed to get the temple daimon's attention. "Being that I am entering this mid-story, as is traditional. For the benefit of myself and the readers of my someday to be written memoirs, will you please tell me how you have gathered the energy?" There was a silence that settled in the room with only the occasional scuffing of toe to floor to indicate anyone was around. "We sent in 200,000 cereal box tops to Kami-sama. For each one we got a little bit of energy," the temple daimon explained in a small voice. "Cereal box tops?" I intoned dryly. "And what did you do with all this cereal?" "We fed it to the Doom Tree," one of the daimons in the assembled answered. "The Doom Tree. Of course, why didn't I think of that?" I mumbled. "It needs energy to live. I'm sure it could get it's daily allowance of vitamins and minerals from the processed starches and sugars you fed it." They sweat dropped. "We had to do *something* with the cereal," the swimming pool daimon pled their case. The temple daimon stretched one of her arms out to poke me in the stomach pointedly. "You're pretty sharp there newbie. Watch it." Scattered snickers accompanied the reproach I was offered. "Now, the most fair way I can think of to decide who goes back is to draw straws. Will the handkerchief daimon please come forward?" The daimon that had attacked the Senshi early on in the battle came forward. She held out a handful of straws. The Daimons formed a line with myself being pushed further and further to the back until I was the last in line. All took their straws before me. A half-hour later it was three straws, the temple daimon, the handkerchief daimon, and myself left. The handkerchief daimon took her pick at a nod from the temple daimon. It wasn't the straw. Her face was crestfallen in disappointment. The temple daimon placed a hand on her shoulder (without it detaching). We each took hold of a straw with her choosing. Together we pulled. "No fair!!" A Daimon in the crowd called. "How come the newbie gets to go back?!" Another protested. I smirked. Now was the test of what kind of Daimon their leader was. She sighed. "Quiet, everyone. Fair is fair. The Flash here gets to go back." There were loud protests from the crowd but all fell silent when the temple daimon struck them with a piecing glare. "We'll save up more box tops and send another Daimon through," she said to appease the gathered. "Are you sure the Doom Tree can survive that?" I quipped. "Hush you," she growled. And that, my friends, is the story of how I made it back to the Earth plane after being THN-ed. But what did I do once I made it back here, you ask? Well, since you have been such a polite listener thus far, I will continue my tale. I had been reincarnated near the spot where I had been destroyed. To be quite honest, I wasn't sure *what* I should do with myself. I had a second chance at life and it was practically guaranteed that I would seek revenge against *someone* for my disgrace. The question was, whom should I go after? I could attack Mimete, if she was still alive, for being the incompetent idiot she was. The Professor came to mind for his not using better materials when he made me. Of course, the thought of avenging myself via the Senshi crossed my mind. I should be extra harsh against Uranus for not having the warmth of heart to be kind to a poor underling and leaving me a little dignity. Moon was at the top of the list for the all of the Daimons she had destroyed in the most humiliating of ways this season. As these dark thoughts inflicted me, I discovered a truth about myself. I did not want to fight. No, my calling in life was not to repeat this tragic cycle. What I wanted was to be a writer! Oh, how the words poured from my very soul when it came to describing the thought of destroying the Senshi. That was my calling! My motto: write instead of fight! I sigh. Why, oh, why won't the Senshi leave me to my works? I only attacked them once and ever since then I stumble across them on a near daily basis. Each time I have escaped the horrid fate the surely awaits me if I ran with any less haste. My day of destiny came when I was walking through a beautiful park. I had noticed a small child had fallen from some equipment. Being the kind hearted Daimon that I am, I stopped at assist the lad. "Wait right there!" I groaned at hearing those words. "I am the pretty suited sailor soldier, Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon, I will punish you," I mouthed the words as she spoke. "Yes, yes, I was just helping this poor boy who had injured himself," I explained patiently. It was the second time I had encountered Moon this week. "I'm sure you were," Uranus drawled as she cracked her knuckles menacingly. I winced. The arthritis she will suffer in her later years... "You won't get away this time!" Jupiter pulled herself to her full (impressive, I must say) height. "I don't want to fight you," I said. "Of course you don't. Tactically speaking, you are in a no win situation being outnumbered as you are," Mercury chimed in. I glared at her. "Can't we all just sit down and discuss this over a nice hot cup of tea?" "No," Neptune said simply before flinging her attack at me. I had almost dodged successfully. The trailing end of her attack caught me in the heel, causing me to collapse. Venus took the opening and lashed her chain around me. She then secured me to a tree so that I could not escape. "Help, help! I'm being repressed!" I pled. "Wry British humor won't get you out of this one," she smirked. "Please?" I begged. "I haven't attacked you since I was reincarnated. I just want to be a writer, and that's all!" Mars snorted in disbelief. "There is no such thing. You Daimons just want to gather energy and harm defenseless nameless victims that are only seen for a single episode and are then promptly forgotten again. In the name of good ratings, we will not let you get away!" "Oh please, like your charming personalities aren't enough to bring the viewers back week after week?" Moon had been mid twist when she had stopped to hear what I had to say. "Indeed, think about it! Every week you *do* defeat a nameless Daimon, but don't you think that would get dull after a hundred episodes or so? No, there is something else that brings the viewers back. I would wager it is the Senshi themselves that does it. "Uranus and Neptune, smashing performance during the discovery of the Talismans. Heart breaking, I nearly wept when I heard of it. "Mars, the love you have for Moon. Stop blushing, you know it's there and so do the viewers. It's a soft, touching side to your character. "Venus, what off the wall thing will you do next? People will only find out if they tune in next week! "Jupiter, your desire to fit in and be socially accepted is such a common tale with the viewers. It allows them to relate with you better. "Moon, your love and compassion is something that everyone wishes they possessed. You embody the hopes of the people. "Mercury, you have the brains everyone wishes they had but know realistically they will never. You are the mascot for struggling students everywhere. "So you see, my friends, it is not us poor nameless Daimons that bring the viewers back. It is you! Please, I am insignificant. Let me go to follow my dreams as you carry on with yours." "You talk a lot," Uranus commented. "But it was a beautiful speech," Neptune finished. Her hands raised above her head as the waters began to gather. "Wait!" "Haven't you wasted enough of this episode babbling," Mars sneered, she too powered up her attack. "Okay, you're right, I talk a lot, but I also have information. Let me go and I'll tell you where the Death Busters hideout is!" "How about you tell us where it is and we destroy you quickly?" Uranus offered. "Mugen Gakuen," I whispered softly. "What was that?" Neptune gasped. "Infinite Academy, that is where they are based." Uranus looked over at Neptune. "The winds are restless. Okay, Daimon, spill it." "My name is Whiplash," I nearly growled. "You have a name?" Moon blurted out. She blushed. "I didn't think Daimons have names." "We have names. We have feelings. We are alive too, you know!" I snapped. "Fine then," Uranus said coolly. "Spill your guts Boulder Dash." I sighed. Yes, I admit it. I was the one who gave the Senshi the idea to investigate Mugen Gakuen. Am I ashamed of myself? Not in the least. Because while the school is now a pile of rubble, I am still alive and writing this story. You see, while the Outer Senshi seem to be cold and heartless on the outside, they do have a soft spot. Neptune had been intrigued by my desires to write. Uranus had been intrigued by my knowledge of the Death Busters. To maintain their reputation of 'always getting the job done', they had set me up with a small house in the rural areas outside of Tokyo. I live quite comfortably in the peace and quiet it offers. I have everything I could want. Satellite tv, a T-1 connection, and a nice Espresso machine that they gave me for Christmas. I don't leave the residence unless I am escorted by one of them. Uranus had made it clear early on that if she ever caught me sneaking out I would suffer the THN again. Indeed, that was reason enough for me to enjoy the life they had provided me. There is only one annoyance in my life. It is the commercial on tv that begins with a over zealous announcer asking 'Out of Cash?!' You can see my objections to it, I'm certain. No, it's not a bad life at all. I'm not forced to fight, just the opposite. I publish my works on the Internet. Well, I will once I start writing them, this is my first work. Thus, I finish with a hearty, THE END! ***** Upon reading the draft of this Neptune pointed a few things out to me. This first is that I must say that, alas, the characters in this story are not my own. I did not create them. She then suggested the I state what episode each of the mentioned Daimons come from so that the reader could look them up if they wished. Here's the list: Temple Daimon: 90 Racing Car Daimon: 93 Handkerchief Daimon: 96 Swimming Pool Daimon: 97 Twin Tire Daimons: 98 Training Retreat Daimon: 105 Manga-esque Daimon: 106 And I never had an episode, sigh. I would like to thank those who have encouraged this telling of my tale, Neko-chan, Crystal Keeper, and Krystal.