Konnichi wa! This is not my first attempt at a fanfic, but it is the first one that has gotten finished. ^_^ It's the classic "confession of love" scenario, which many Haruka and Michiru loving fanfic authors begin with. If you don't like their relationship, I feel very sorry for you, and you are free to leave at any time. Disclaimer (foolish, but necessary): I don't own Haruka, Michiru, or any of those other lovable characters. Takeuchi Naoko and many big scary companies with expensive lawyers do. Please, don't hurt me. Comments, constructive criticism, compliments, and curses are all welcome to be sent to haemonic@collegeclub.com . Be careful, though, as they will be replied to in kind. ^_^ This fic is dedicated to Mandy, who didn't kiss back the first time. More ranting after the story. Hope you like it! Breaking the Silence The tall blonde knocked on the front door of the classy apartment. "I am GOING to tell her, I am GOING to tell her, I am GOING to..." "Oh, hello, Haruka. Come in." The smiling, aqua-haired girl stood aside to let her visitor in. Haruka walked quickly into the room, trying not to let her resolve crumble. The fact that she had already failed at this same task three times only made her efforts more desperate. The tension had been building up inside of her for months and she had to let it out or she was going to explode. Whenever she came face to face with it, however, she decided she’d rather explode. The eternal dilemma: How do you tell your best friend you’re in love with him or her? A dilemma made far more interesting when your best friend is the same gender as you, and much more difficult when your best friend... is your only friend. On top of all the normal complications, this particular pair of best friends were partners in a quest to find the messiah who could, with the help of their talismans, save the world from the Silence... Haruka winced. A breakup of this friendship could be *bad*. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Just say it, just say it. "Michiru," Haruka said, then paused and cleared her throat. "Oh, I’m sorry, would you like some tea?" Michiru said before she could continue. ~Say no. It’ll only put off the inevitable. Just TELL HER!!~ screamed Haruka’s brain. "Yes, please." She sighed and leaned back as the elegant girl headed into the kitchen. The firm knock resounded through the living room. "She’s here." Michiru’s heart did the same little flip it always did when she knew Haruka was near. She blushed, then took a deep breath and composed herself. She couldn’t let it be so obvious. She rose and went to the door. "Oh, hello, Haruka," she said nonchalantly. "Come in." The tall blonde brushed past her, not even looking into her face as she entered the room. Michiru let out a small sigh. Haruka had never exactly been a warm fuzzy friend, but the past few days she had been especially tense and, true to her name, distant. Three times she had called Michiru, telling her that she had something she needed to discuss with her, and asking if she could come over. The 'important thing' consistently turned out to be something trivial, yet for some reason it was hard for her to get to the point. For instance, it took her twenty minutes of stuttering to ask for help on her Modern Japanese paper topic. ~She’s hiding something from me,~ Michiru thought. ~Something is eating her up inside and she *wants* to tell me, but she can’t. I wonder...~ She quelled her heart’s wishful thinking. No. It couldn’t be that. Haruka wasn’t the type to fall in love. Too much of a loner. Michiru was surprised that the quiet tomboy had actually adjusted to having to work with a partner. More surprising was that in the process, she had even managed to open up a little and find a friend in Michiru. ~Not a lover, though. Even if she was...~ yes, "homosexual" really was the correct word... ~why would she fall for me? Kami, I must have annoyed her so much, trying to get her to open up more.~ Haruka wasn’t one to share her feelings, and almost all of Michiru’s questions had been met with avoidances at first. Gradually her defenses fell, but they were still quite definitely there. ~Obviously,~ she thought, ~or this wouldn’t keep happening.~ She sighed again. Might as well get on with it. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" "Michiru..." Haruka paused to clear her throat. ~Baka, where are your manners?~ "Oh, I’m sorry, would you like some tea?" "Yes, please." Michiru stood and headed for the kitchen, silently cursing herself for her stupidity. ~I’m never going to do it at this rate. I just have to tell her. Just swallow hard and spit the words out.~ Not too hard. She quietly practiced it a few times. "Michiru, I love you. Michiru, I am in love with you. I love you, Michiru. Michiru, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, which makes the fact that you’re about to throw me out of yours all the more sad..." The last one was too long, she decided. The first one was probably the best... not that it was any easier. Michiru returned shortly and handed a cup of tea to her friend. "Now," she said, "what was it you were going to say?" Looking into the beautiful aqua eyes that she loved so well, Haruka lost all thought for a moment. Then thought found her. ~SAY SOMETHING, STUPID!!!!~ She regained full consciousness, but couldn’t remember exactly what she had to say. "Michiru, I...um..." She searched deep within herself for the words she wanted to say. "I... was hoping... we... could leave a little earlier for school tomorrow," she blurted. Not exactly what she had planned... "Certainly, why?" "I’ve... been having to rush to get to class and I don’t want to be late." Liar. Michiru narrowed her eyes at the nervous woman. "Is that all you came over here to tell me?" "Hai." Haruka tried desperately not to show that she was lying through her teeth. "Then why didn’t you just tell me on the phone?" "Oh, I was... on my way... to the library anyway, so I thought I’d just stop here... to say hello... and to say that, of course." "You just wanted the tea, didn’t you?" Michiru smiled. "Hai," Haruka grinned. "Thank you very much." Silence. "Well, I guess I’d better get going." Haruka popped up out of her seat and headed for the door. "All right... I’ll see you in the morning, then." Michiru followed in order to lock the door behind her. "Good night." "Good night." Haruka stared into Michiru’s eyes for one more moment before leaving, shutting the door behind her. "Baka, baka, baka," Michiru chastised herself while making the tea. "Yet ANOTHER reason why she could never love you." She managed to keep her self-destructive comments quiet enough so they wouldn’t be heard by the tall woman in the next room. Her curiosity was killing her. What on earth could be so difficult for Haruka to just SAY? As she poured the tea into two cups, she tried desperately to calm herself down, and most importantly, to rid herself of any false hopes that might be hiding in her heart. But she knew that task was hopeless. She sighed, took a gulp of tea to calm her nerves, and brought the other cup to her waiting friend. The blonde sat muttering to herself, but looked up and shut up the moment she heard Michiru glide back into the room. She handed her the cup, gathered her courage, and plunged ahead. "Now, what was it you were going to say?" Haruka looked thoughtfully at her for a moment, those piercing eyes seeming to stare right into her soul. Michiru hoped they would not see the many thoughts racing through her brain at that moment. Just as she began to become uncomfortable in the hypnotizing stare, Haruka began to speak. "Michiru, I... um..." ~Yes...~ Michiru mentally urged her friend on. "I was hoping... we..." ~Yes?~ Michiru barely kept herself from leaning forward in anticipation. "...could leave a little earlier for school tomorrow." Had she not been raised to have immense poise, Michiru would have facevaulted at that moment. ~Well, child,~ she thought, ~that’s what you get for allowing your hopes to rise.~ She sighed inwardly. "Certainly, why?" "I’ve... been in a rush to get to class and I don’t want to be late." Something in her voice caused Michiru’s eyes to narrow suspiciously. That was *not* what she came here to say. "Is that all you came over here to tell me?" Surely there was more... "Hai." There it was again--the definite vocal strain of an unsure liar. She had to be sure, though. "Then why didn’t you just tell me on the phone?" "Oh, I was... on my way... to the library anyway, so I just thought I’d stop here... to say hello..." Well, *that* certainly wasn’t like Haruka; friendly house calls were never quite her thing... "and to say that, of course." Obviously, no amount of interrogation was going to do any good. And, noticing a slight sweat breaking out on her friend’s brow, Michiru decided to let it rest. "You just wanted the tea, didn’t you?" she joked. "Hai," the blonde said, and great relief seemed to wash over her face, though she made all efforts to hide it. "Thank you very much." A pause followed. In the silence, Michiru lost track of time, half believing it all to be a dream... one of her reoccurring dreams other than the one about the coming disaster. However, instead of confessing anything, as Michiru hoped, Haruka drew in a quick breath and announced "Well, I guess I’d better get going," following her quick remark with an equally fast break for the door. "All right... I’ll see you in the morning, then," Michiru said, following her slowly, swallowing her disappointment. Haruka paused in the doorway and turned back, staring again into Michiru’s eyes. This time, Michiru met the gaze with an equally intense one, trying to peer into Haruka’s soul instead of the other way around. "Good night," the blonde murmured. "Good night." Haruka stayed a second more, then swiftly left, shutting the door behind her. Michiru stepped to the door, and after locking it securely, leaned back against it. ~Silly girl,~ she thought. Haruka knew as well as she that the library was only about a mile from her place... in the opposite direction from Michiru’s. ~She’s getting worse and worse at lying to me. Why does she bother to keep it up?~ Hearing a noise, Michiru turned around and peered out the fish eye in her door. There she saw a distraught Haruka banging her head against a pillar across the hall. ~Something is up with you, Tenoh Haruka,~ Her eyes narrowed again. ~And I *will* find out what it is.~ As she shut the door behind her, Haruka could no longer hold her frustration inside. ~Baka, blew it, baka, blew it, baka, blew it...~ Her mind repeated this mantra as she stomped across the carpet and, placing herself in front of the nearest plaster pillar, began to batter it with her head. Of course, she did so relatively gently, not wishing to fracture the pillar. Once she could control her anger, she made her way down the hall, muttering to herself. Reaching the elevators, she pressed the down button, and turned to examine herself in a mirror while she waited. "I can’t go on like this. And I can’t tell her." The dilemma was indeed a rich one. She couldn’t stand to be around Michiru without revealing her feelings, yet she knew that if she did, Michiru would no longer want to be around her. And worse, Michiru might be scarred for life by such a revelation. No, she couldn’t hurt Michiru like that. Michiru deserved to live a normal life, to marry a nice boy from a good family and settle down. Once they saved the world from the Silence. So the future was set in Haruka’s mind. ~The only problem, of course, is that Michiru has tried so hard to be friends with me...~ Well, her efforts would simply have to be in vain. Haruka glared at her reflection. ~Sacrifices must be made. You’ve already lost your heart once because of her. One more time won’t make any difference.~ She took a breath. ~From now on, Tenoh, you *will* keep your distance.~ Her resolve set, she turned and stalked into the elevator as it opened. As the sun rose over Tokyo, Haruka prepared for what would be the hardest day of her life. She woke early after a night which lacked comfortable sleep. Her muscles ached, and a cold pit was forming in her stomach. She groomed herself more carefully than usual, not so much for aesthetic value, but for the calming effect it had on her. Carefully she made sure her uniform was all in place, her tie straight, her jacket unwrinkled. But no amount of distraction helped, and the fear within her continued to grow. She gathered her books, and, swallowing her dread, headed out into the warm morning. She couldn’t back down. She had a friend to save. Michiru waited rather impatiently for her ride...one could almost see her fidgeting, if one looked closely. She wasn’t sure how much earlier Haruka would arrive, but she wanted to be ready. She needed to be a step ahead if she wanted to trick Haruka’s secret out of her. After what seemed like ages, the yellow sports car finally pulled up in front of the building. Michiru gracefully appeared and glided into the passenger seat. Haruka did not take her eyes from the road. "Good morning, Michiru-chan. How are you?" Michiru raised an eyebrow at the use of the honorific. "I’m just fine, Haruka-*kun*," she replied. The slight smile which followed made it obvious that two could play at this game. "How are you, Haruka-*kun*?" The title grated against Haruka’s ear like flint against steel, but she managed to keep the sparks contained. "Quite well," came the stilted reply. The game wore out quickly for Michiru, and after she ran out of trivial things to say, a heavy silence lay upon the car. It was a silence which continued throughout the day. Gone were the usual bits of banter and flirtation. Haruka barely spoke to anyone the entire day, and least of all to Michiru. At lunch, when Michiru took up her usual place beside Haruka, Haruka stared off into space, avoided her conversational attempts, and finally excused herself and walked away, leaving Michiru fuming over her bento. It was killing her. She wanted to stop, to reach out to Michiru, but she couldn’t. Even her skin tingled with need, with desire, but she stifled it. She knew if she allowed herself anything, she would not be able to stop. But the pain refused to back down. Every instant with Michiru was agonizing...but oh, what sweet agony. In a masochistic sort of way, it was wonderful. So close to her, and so far. She loved it. She loved her. No. Stop it. No more. Haruka paused in her flight from her best friend to compose herself. She had almost lost it back there. Michiru sounded so kind, so friendly, so... lonely. But didn’t she sound that way with everybody? No. Yes. No. Yes. No, yes, no, yes, no yes no yes noyesnoyesnoyesNO! It hurt. Composing herself just wasn’t working well at all. She sighed and walked on, for there was nothing else to be done. By the end of the day, Michiru was more than ready to go home. Classes had been unbearably boring without the silent jokes she normally shared with Haruka. Each time she looked to share a chuckle with her friend, she was greeted only with a nervous flick of the eyes. She wouldn’t even turn her head. Between classes, Haruka sped ahead, not even glancing at Michiru as she shot out of class, headed for the next at breakneck speeds. For herself, Michiru took her time, avoiding the looks she received from her surprised classmates. Some snickered, others frowned...all knew something was drastically wrong. Each stare exhausted Michiru a little more, making her walk all the slower, and plunging her deeper into her misery. ~Haruka...don’t leave me alone.~ By the end of the day, Haruka was more than ready to go home. Classes had been unbearable. She felt Michiru scrutinizing her on many occasions. She wanted desperately to gaze right back at her, but somehow she managed to keep her attention focused on various points at the front of the room. Between classes was the only time she could escape the tension, and she took the opportunity for all it was worth. She scooped up her things and raced away, carefully hiding her moist eyes from Michiru. She ignored the glares from people that she brushed past. None of it mattered. She was hurting the only person who cared about her, and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. ~Michiru... I’m sorry... I’m so, so sorry...~ When the pair got in the car to leave, the silence didn’t wait, but fell upon them immediately. Michiru stared blankly out the window, all her attention focused on keeping her emotions from crashing forth. Tears gently threatened her, clouding her vision occasionally, but she wasn’t about to scare Haruka any further away by blubbering like a baby in front of her. Haruka, for her part, was having just as much trouble keeping herself stoic. And so they sat, silence sitting like a glass wall between them, until a flash from a side street caught their attention. "Shimatta." Haruka quickly pulled the car to the side of the road, and both of them raced back to the corner. Peering around it, both of them saw exactly what they expected to see: yet another daimon stealing yet another heart crystal in yet another attempt to awaken the dark messiah. "Not while I’m around," Haruka muttered. She turned to her partner. "Henshin yo, Michiru-san." The syllable following her name dug into Michiru and ignited her rush of adrenaline. Instead of listening to her urges and smacking the now-transforming Uranus, she grabbed at her henshin stick and thrust it into the air, calling out to her power with a gruffness rarely heard in her voice. As her transformation finished, she leapt after her partner, who was already performing her usual introduction sequence. The daimon, a possessed phone booth, glared at her with confidence. Ignoring formalities, Neptune dove directly into battle, sending the daimon a "Deep Submerge" instead of her normal introduction. The shock was harder to recover from than the attack for the befuddled daimon. She may have been born yesterday, but she knew this was NOT how the senshi usually acted. Once she shook it off, she too put aside witty comebacks and prepared her attack. "Dialing!" Neptune ducked, avoiding the 5 button which had been aimed at her head. She continued to dodge the various numbers easily, causing the daimon a great deal of frustration. Finally, with a battle cry, the angry phone-booth woman vaulted towards the aqua-haired warrior. Neptune jumped aside, leaving the daimon to encounter only the pavement. Before the poor creature could right herself, she was thrust down by a stylish but practical heeled shoe. She also did not see the glove which struck her in the head. Blows rained down upon her, keeping her plastered to the street. Neptune swore under her breath as she pummeled the daimon. Words she had never used before streamed from her lips, venting her frustration upon the creature. But the anger only continued to build within her. As it reached a peak, she ripped her talisman from its pocket. "SUBMARINE REFLECTION!!!!!!" The energy came in a violent rush, vaporizing the daimon immediately, and putting plenty of wear and tear on the phone booth that reappeared in its place a second later. Neptune screamed again and threw her talisman at it. The mirror stopped in midair a few inches away from the booth at the senshi’s harsh mental command and obediently returned to its owner, who thrust it roughly back into its hiding place. Neptune spun around to see where her partner had gone, and found Uranus standing where she had been when her speech was interrupted, talisman in hand and mouth agape. She sneered involuntarily at the amazed soldier and stalked over to the unconscious victim of the monster. His heart crystal had already returned to its proper place, and he was beginning to stir, so Neptune motioned to her partner and both disappeared into an alley. Uranus continued to stare as her partner joined her in the dark recess between two buildings. She couldn’t believe that the elegant Sailorneptune had just bullied a daimon. Neptune, slowly calming a bit, began to cringe under the penetrating gaze. "What?" "You...um... were very rough out there, Neptune." "Well, I am a senshi. I’m expected to fight." Neptune stood her ground. She was still infuriated with her friend, and would not accept any comments about how odd her behavior was when Haruka suddenly wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole. "Hai. Good job, Kaioh-san," Haruka said as she turned away and detransformed. Softly stomping feet came up behind her, and an arm whirled her around as she tried to depart. "Haruka, I’ve had enough of this! All day you have been doing your best to make me feel as alienated as possible from you. I don’t know *what* has gotten into you or what is going through that brain of yours, but whatever it is, I DON’T LIKE IT." Neptune grabbed Haruka’s collar and stared directly into her eyes as she tried to control both her volume and her fury. "We’re partners and we’re friends, and if there is something wrong, you are supposed to tell me, because keeping secrets angers me, and when you anger me, that endangers our mission." The venom in her voice began to increase. "I’m giving you one last chance, Haruka. Tell me what is wrong with you *right now*, or I swear, by everything I hold dear, that you will regret it." Neptune’s final word thickened the air, and both girls froze for what was either a split-second or an eternity. And then the dam broke, shattering the silence. "All right, Michiru," Haruka hissed, "you want to know what is wrong with me? It’s me, Michiru, and it’s you. It’s you, it’s every time you touch me, every time you smile at me, every time you even look at me, and me, the way I feel, the way my heart twists, the way I just can’t stand it any longer, and I have to tell you..." Haruka’s arms held Neptune’s down as her lips sought those which now were paralyzed with shock. It was instant, a desperate, furious, and almost violent close-mouthed ravishment of Neptune’s soft and unresisting lips. Unresisting... and unresponsive. She froze as her heart did the same. ~Oh, Kami-sama... I didn’t...~ Haruka’s head began to spin with shame and fear as she slowly pulled away from the rash mistake she had just made. "...I have to tell you..." Haruka swallowed hard, "...I love you, Michiru." The eternal dilemma: How fast do you move when you’ve just told your best friend you love her? Do you walk calmly away, or do you turn and run as fast as your feet will let you? With her head continuing to spin, confusing her vision, Haruka chose a very fast walk bordering on a run. She would have increased her speed soon enough, had a quiet voice not drifted to her on the breeze. Gentle, pleading... "Haruka..." She slowed to a stop and turned back. Was she forgiven that easily? "...don’t leave me alone." Haruka’s eyes went wide. "M--Michiru..." Neptune smiled a bit as tears began to run down her soft cheeks. "You think you’re the only one with a problem, Haruka?" she asked softly. "You really haven’t noticed how I blush when you’re near me, how my breath catches every time you speak my name?" The senshi of Neptune faded away as Michiru began to glide forward. "You honestly believe that I feel something less than the most intensely passionate love for you, Tenoh Haruka?" Michiru reached her destination and slid her arms around Haruka’s waist. "I dare you to kiss me again, and then tell me you don’t believe it." Before Haruka could utter a sound of surprise, Michiru reached up and pushed her head down, gently pressing her own lips to those which belonged to the taller girl. This time, the receiver’s response was instant. Haruka’s arms slowly wrapped around Michiru as she leaned deeply into the kiss. Passion met passion, and slowly danced, twisting, curving, caressing itself. The two only held each other tighter, each afraid of waking up at any moment. After a long few moments, the lips slowly separated, and aqua met blue as their eyes locked as passionately as their lips just had. For a moment, neither moved. Haruka smiled slightly. "You..." "Yes." "But... the first time... you--you didn’t..." Michiru sighed, cutting her off, and laid her head on Haruka’s chest, nuzzling her chin gently. "Haruka no baka," she murmured, "if you had done it *right* the first time, I would have kissed back." For the first time in months, Haruka relaxed, embracing Michiru with her whole self. She bent her head, kissing the aqua hair over and over again. When the kissing paused, Michiru raised her head to look at her love’s face. She found one tear tracing a path down Haruka’s smiling face. "Haruka...love...what is it?" "I--I’m happy, Michiru." Haruka smiled broadly. "How in the world did that happen?" Michiru laughed and pushed herself forward for another kiss. When they separated this time, she brought her fingers to Haruka’s chin, gently stroking her jaw. "Haruka...?" Haruka brought Michiru’s hand to her lips for one kiss before answering. "Yes, love?" "Don’t leave me alone?" "Never, Michiru. I promise." The two human forms intertwined again, each gently caressing the other, kisses flowing between them. Kisses, not given, not taken, but shared, which last a lifetime. Kuchibiru ni nokoshita no wa yakusoku no kiss >Still left on my lips is the kiss of our promise< From "Initial U" Alex Glover translation Hi again. Yeah, that's it. For those of you that don't speak a word of Japanese, here's what all them crazy words meant. Kami--God baka--silly, stupid hai-- yes bento--lunchbox shimatta--damn henshin yo--let's transform The honorifics run something like this--I haven't taken Japanese, so I'm kind of guessing... -chan: usually for girls, those younger than you (always) or those the same age as you, if you're kinda close. Also a term of endearment, but no honorific is much more intimate. -kun: usually for boys, same circumstances as above. -san: for people older than you, or just about anyone you don't know very well. Term of respect, like Ms. or Mr. -sama: term of extreme respect, like Lord or Lady or something. And the attack "Dialing" would be pronounced differently in Japanese: something along the lines of "di-ah-li-nn-guh!" Trust me, it would be very frightening. ^_^ I got some people to thank. I would like to thank the entire self-proclaimed Outer Senshi Trio (Amanda Anderson, Tim Nolan, and Jackie Chaing) for writing awesome fics which have helped thousands better understand the characters known as the Outer Senshi. I've probably stolen ideas from all of them, but I'm not sure exactly what. In fact, kudos go out to lots of authors for writing good H+M fics. There are too many for me to remember at this hour of the morning. ^_^ You still here? Neat. If you're really bored, I have a webpage. It's not good for much, but if you're looking for fansubs, it's neat-o. ^_^ It's at http://members.xoom.com/haemonic/index.html. And once again, my email (well, one of them, anyway) is haemonic@collegeclub.com Arigato!