SOL bridge. All the boxes are gone, the place is quite, and Tom is standing around with nothing to do. Mike walks in. Mike: Ok, what happened to the spring water business? Tom: Well, there where complaints about the quality and purity of our water, as well as if it was spring water, and a couple of lawsuits, so we declared bankruptcy. Then we billed the legal expenses to you credit card. Mad's light goes off. Tom: Oh Pearl's calling. Looking upset, Mike hits the button. Pearl and Bobo are on the planet in a primitive village, surrounded by natives with spears. Bobo holds a water-filled brain bowl. Pearl: Well, this whole trip just took a turn for the crappy. It turns out that that pool was some sort of "holy water sacred area" thingy, and now theses guys are p.o.ed at us for taking some. Like how were we supposed to know it was sacred?! Some of the natives pokes them with spears to move them forward. Bobo yelps and stumbles forward. Pearl turns and grabs the spear. Pearl: Stop it already! She throws the spear to the side. It hits a torch, knocking it into a large thatch building, causing a fire to start. The natives become enraged, and start jostling Pearl and Bobo towards a temple-like building. Pearl: (annoyed) Now what? I'm going to give the head honcho a piece of my mind. Mike you get back in that theater. SOL 6...5...4...3...2...1 Mike and the bots enter the theater. >Serena's eye lids twitched. Her eyes slowly opened. Crow: (as Frankenstein) IT'S ALIVE!!! >She looked around this strange room. Machines surrounded her. Tubes and >wires were hooked on to her. Tom: She probably wished she took the blue pill now... >She noticed some movement at the side of her >vision. She turned her head and saw Darien sleeping silently at the >edge of the bed. Mike: (as author) The thing that was moving however, was the monster coming back to finish the job. >She ran her fingers through his dark hair. He slowly >raised his head. Serena saw tears in his eyes. > "Serena..." > "Morning Darien." > "Oh Serena..." Darien leaned forward and gave her a long hug. >"I thought I'd lost you. I...I couldn't stand losing you." Tom: (as Darien) So I sat down. >He hugged >her again. > "It's okay,Darien. I'm fine. I'm just fine." Serena said,even >though she felt ANYTHING but fine. Crow: Well, she dose have those massive head injuries... >"Where is everyone?" Mike: (as Darien, matter-of-fact) Oh, The monster killed them in the 5 years you've been in a coma. Crow: No, monsters put scouts in "comma's", remember? > "They had to leave late last night. I asked the nurse to let me >stay." he explained. "I couldn't leave you. Crow: (as Darien) Not since that accident when I was sniffing glue anyway. >I can't now and I never >will." > "Darien..." They sat there looking at each other,smiling with >tear filled eyes. The sound of a door opening broke the silence. They >looked at he door and saw the smiling faces of Serena's family. Mike: (as Serena's dad) Her policy's worth ten... CRAP! She's awake! >At the window next to the door stood Raye,Amy,Lita,and Mina with tears of >happieness rolling down their faces. Eveyone was smiling. Crow: (as author) They'd "borrowed" some morphine and were in a rather good mood. >They slowly >filed in. > "Hi honey,how are you? You okay? I was so worried about you last >night. You sure you okay?..." Mrs. Tsukino went on and on Mike: (sarcastically) Unlike the author of course. >without giving Serena time to answer. > "Hi kiddo." Serena's father sat down in the chair next to >Darien. He didn't really want Darien around,but he knew that they >loved each other and he couldn't stop that. Crow: (as author) But he could keep Darien the hell away from his daughter. >"Sammy..." > Sammy stepped up to the head of the bed. His hands were behind >his back. When he showed his hands,a bunch of flowers lay in them. > "Oh,Sammy!" Serena said out of surprise. He handed her the >flowers and took a step back. Serena reached out to give him a hug and >he quickly backed away out of reach. > "Ahhh! No!" > Eveybody got a good laugh out of it. Mike: (as author) Then they saw that Sammy had screamed because Serena had passed out and started to bleed all over. >The girls had made cards >for Serena and,in turn, gave them to her. Crow: (as Lita, snickering) It's a get-well-soon card. It's cute. Tom: (as Serena, reading card) Die Serena die?! They had also gotten her a >cute teddy bear. "Oh,he's so cute! I think I'll call him...Darien," Crow: (as Raye) Um, Serena, it's a she. >Serena said, >glancing at her blushing true love. Sammy and Mr. Tsukino rolled their >eyes. > "Serena!" Darien scolded her. She smiled at him. > "So,how long am I gonna be stuck here?" she asked. > "Maybe a week. We're not sure," Serena's dad answered. > "A week?!" Serena yelled. Mike: (as Serena) But I have massive skull fractures, concussions, and brain hemorrhages! Crow: (as Mr. Tsukino) Ah, they should be healed in a week. > "Sounds like a plan to get out of school to me..." Sammy joked. Tom: Yea, lots of people get head injuries in a battle with a monster just to get out of school. > "Sammy!" his parents scolded. > "Well,speaking of school, we'd better get going," Amy said. > "Right,well,we'll see you later,Serena. We'll visit after >shool," Mina said. The four girls nodded,said their goodbyes,and left >for school. > "We'd better go,too," Serena's mom said,getting up. Mike: (as Mrs. Tsukino) You're OK, so we don't want to spend time with you. >Serena's family said goodbye and left. Darien and Serena were again alone. > "Are you leaving,too?" Serena asked. > "In a while," he replied. > "I love you,Darien." Tom: (as Darien) I love you too, Ashley... ! I mean Serena! > "I love you to,Serena." > They both kissed each other for a long time. Darien left a time >later,leaving Serena alone. > "Now what am I going to do?" she said to herself,as she looked >around the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > School ended. Amy and Mina jumped out of their seats and ran >out the door. Mike: (as Amy) Man, I HATE school! >They walked down the street silently. Crow: So they're in no real hurry to see their injured friend. >They joined Lita >and Raye on their way to the hospital. They stopped suddenly at the >door when they saw Serena inside walking to the door. Her parents led >her out of the hospital. > "Hi guys!" Serena greeted her friends. > "Serena?! What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be in bed?" >they asked. > "Nope,they're letting me out early." she explained. "They said >that I'm fine and could go home any time." Crow: So having your head violently smashed into a wall causes no serious injuries whatsoever. Mike: Not according to her HMO anyway... > "That was a short visit." Amy stated. > "Come on,Serena. Let's get into the car..." Mrs. Tsukino said. > "I want to *walk* home." she begged. "With my friends." > "Well...alright,but come home in one piece." Serena's mom said. > Serena's parents got in the car and drove off. > "So guys, let's go get something to eat. That hospital food was >*terrible*!" Serena said. > "That's the old Serena," Raye sighed. Mike: (monotone) That funny. Ha, ha, ha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "What is this?!" Rubeus boomed. "Sailor Moon is alive?!" He >turned to his henchman. "You!" he yelled. > "It's not my fault!" it defended itself. Crow: (as monster) It's a crappy fanfic! She can't die! >"I thought that she was >dead!" > "Well,she's not!" Rubeus snapped. > "I'll kill them *all* now." the monster said. Tom: (as monster) Even though that's not the way I work. > "You'd better!" Rubeus said. Crow: (as Rubeus) Or else. Tom: (as monster) Or else what? Crow: (as Rubeus) Exactly. >The creature disappeared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Serena finished her hamburger happily while her friends talked. > "So what are we going to do about that monster?" Mina asked. > Everyone was silent as they thought about what to do. > "Well...I've kinda got a plan..." Raye said. All eyes turned to >her. > "Let's hear it," Luna said as he appeared out of nowhere. Mike: Whoa! Luna had a sex change and can teleport! THAT'S not in the North American version! > Raye cleared her throat. "Well, what I had in mind is..." Crow: (as Raye) ...we get a gun and we shoot the monster with it. >she started. She told her plan and ideas were added. > They agreed just before they heard a loud growl and lots of >screams. They rushed to the sounds. Mike: (as author) But it was just a hungry Roseanne wearing a bikini. > The streetlights had started to light the darkening streets. Tom: Must be Gothem, it's always night. >Serena and her friends stood frozen in the street. Standing down the >street was the monster. Crow: Really. How shocking. >People were running away from it. The five >friends went around a corner and checked to make sure they were >alone. Mike: (as author) They weren't. > "MOON PRISM POWER!" > "MERCURY STAR POWER!" > "MARS STAR POWER!" > "JUPITER STAR POWER!" > "VENUS STAR POWER!" Tom: SATURN PRISM MOON KITTY MAGIC CRYSTAL TRANSFORM MAKE-UP LUNAR STAR POWER!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "Stop right there!" Sailor Moon yelled at the monster. Crow: HE'S JUST STANDING THERE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! > "What?! You again?" it grinned evilly. >"Back for more?" > She glared at it. She and the monster stood alone in the street. Mike: (as author) The other scouts were smarter and left when the getting was good, so as not to be killed. > "Where are your little friends?" it taunted. > "I can handle you by myself." Sailor Moon retorted. > "Can you now?" it teased. It raised its arms and pointed its >fingers at her. Crow: (as monster) Take that! > She froze where she stood. It seemed the same. > Same dark street. > Same enemy. > Same positions. Tom & Crow snicker. Mike: It's PG guys, I'm sure it's just another result of lousy editing. > Energy bolts shot out of his fingers. The bolts sent Sailor Moon tumbling >backward to the ground. Mike: Um, just sitting there and letting the snot be beaten out of you is not a good way to win a fight. > Same attack. > "Is that all you've got?" she said between clenched teeth. She >stood and quickly glanced around. > The creature took a step forward. Tom: (as author) And smashed her head into the wall the same way. It smirked. Crow: (as author) Same smirk. > "JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!" > "MERCURY BUBBLES BLAST!" > "MARS FIRE IGNITE!" > "VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!" Mike: PLANET-OF-THE-APES LUMINARY CELESTIAL HYPERNOVA SILVER STAR TRANSLUCENT THUNDER CRYSTAL DEEP FIREBIRD FLAME DRAGON PRISMATIC ASTRAL SMASH LIGHTNING STORM CHAIN SURROUND SHATTER KITTY MAGIC LUNAR CRESCENT BUBBLE MOON TIARA LOVE SCEPTER HEALING ELIMINATION PLASMA ICEBEAM CRASH ENCIRCLE STELLAR SOLAR STRIKE MAGIC ACTIVATION BLAST TIMES TWENTY!!!! Tom: (as author) Same ineffectual attacks. > "Huh?" the monster looked around but saw no one but Sailor Moon. >It didn't see the attacks coming since he didn't see the attackers. Mike: So because he can't see the scouts, he can't see the large, bright, shiny energy attack racing towards him?!?! >It fell to its hands and knees. Crow: (as author)...For no damn reason. The attacks soared over his head and hit Serena, who did not see them because the other scouts were out of view. Tom: (as author) Serena flew backwards, taking out several cement pillars with her head. This did not do any serious damage however. Mike: (as Serena) Ow. Oh well, I still fine. >It slowly recovered and got back on its >feet. > "Where did that come from?!" it demanded. Crow: So all of a sudden, the attacks HURT him, because he can't SEE them?!?! > "MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!" > "MERCURY ICESTORM BLAST!" > "VENUS CRESCENT BEAM SMASH!" > "JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!" Tom: SURGE! > The monster was extremely confused. Mike: We can't follow your logic either. >It didn't have time to look >around and see the attacks come. It fell backwards with a loud thud. Mike: (as author) ...causing the attacks to miss,... > "MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION!" Tom: (as Serena) Well that eliminated that pesky moon scepter. > The rest of the Sailor Scouts appeared from their four different >hiding places. Shafts of light shot out from the creature's body. Crow: (as author) They hit and killed all the scouts. Having killed the scouts with his attack, the monster returned to Rubeus. >A large very bright beam shot out into the sky. Small energy bolts >surrounded the monster. The light brightened and then quickly >disappeared. When the light was gone,so was the monster. Tom: (as author) Again, it had been replaced by a frowning monster. >It had disintegrated. Mike: (As author) Same disintegration. Crow: Wait! He could see that attack, so it would not hurt him! > The Scouts smiled triumphantly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Darien rushed down the street. He had heard about the monster's >return. Tom: (as author) It had been all over the news in the last five minutes. Mike: (as author) Same wimpy Tuxedo Mask. >Before he could reach the place where it had been,he spotted >the girls on the other side of the street. >He ran over to them. > "Didn't you hear about the monster?" he asked. > "Yeah,we already took care of him." Raye smiled. > "You mean you got rid of him?" he asked. Crow: (as Raye, very sarcastically) No! We fed him and gave him a nice home! Tom: Maybe it was Darien that got his head smashed on the wall. > "Yep." Mina said. > "Serena?!" he noticed the girl next to him. "But I thought you >were..." > "In the hospital?" she finished for him. "They let me go this >afternoon." Tom: (as Serena) Massive head injuries are no reason to stay in a hospital! > He hugged her gently. "So how'd you kill the monster?" Crow: (as Serena) Well, we shot him in the back, and this hurt him because he couldn't see the attack! Then I toasted him when he was down! We had to kill him because he attacked me in self-defense earlier. > "Well,Serena went up to him while we were hiding." Mina started. > "And when he least expected it...WHAM! We started attacking it." >Lita said excitedly. Mike: (as author) The scouts were quite proud of their ability to kill a monster that could not see them by shooting him in the back. > "And now he's gone." Raye finished. > "I figured out one possibility why he won the first fight." Crow: But we live in a world of infinite possibilities! >Amy said. She explained her theory of how the monster could 'absorb' and >use the attacks he knew were coming from enemies he could see. Mike: (as Amy) He couldn't just be 'tough' enough to 'withstand' the attacks and 'counterattack' with similar attacks, and it is 'impossible' to 'absorb' attacks when you don't see the 'attacker'! You learn that in biology. >"But he couldn't see us. That's why he didn't know we would attack. Tom: Hmm, You'd think them yelling out the attack would tip him off. >We caught >him off gaurd." she finished. > Darien slipped an arm around Serena's waist. "I'm glad you're >okay." he whispered in her ear. Mike: (as Darien) It's a good thing that being brained against a wall causes no lasting effects at all. > They all walked silently down the street. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Rubeus was enraged. He paced back and forward like a caged >animal. Crow: Despite all his rage, he's still just a Rubius in a cage. > "They beat him!" he yelled. "I sent my *best* down and they beat >him!!!" He stopped in his tracks. Hatred burned like a fire in his >eyes. "You'll pay for this Sailor Scouts! Some day,you'll pay!" Crow: (as Rubeus) And since they beat my best, making them pay should be no problem! ~THE END~ Mike and the bots leave the theater. 1...2...3...4...5...6 SOL bridge. Tom is there, wearing a Sailor Moon-like costume. Crow comes in from the left. He is clad in fur and has horns on his head as well as large jagged claws on his hands. Crow: (unholy voice) Excuse me miss, could you please tell me where I might dispose of an empty soda bottle? I do not wish to litter. Tom: (high-pitched female voice) A MONSTER!!! You're here to steal energy! DIE!!!!! MOON TIARA MAGIC!! Tom blasts Crow with a disk of energy. Crow: (unholy voice) No, I assure you, I mean you no harm. Tom: (High-pitched female voice) DIE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY YOU SCUM!!!! Tom proceeds to fire several energy bust from his scepter. These char parts of Crow's torso and head. Crow: (unholy voice) Please stop that! Crow pushes the scepter aside so that Tom can't shoot him. Tom: (high-pitched female voice) YOU ATTACKED ME!!! NOW I HAVE TO KILL YOU TO DEFEND THE EARTH IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, JUSTICE, AND LOVE!!! Tom knocks Crow down, and starts to fire bursts of energy into Crow's back. Mike walks in, sees what is happening and quickly restrains Tom. Tom: (high-pitched voice) NOOO!!! I HAVE TO KILL THE EVIL MONSTER!!! LET ME GO OR I'LL KILL YOU TOO!!!! Tom struggles, then starts to calm down. Crow stands back up. His fur is falling off, and some of it is still burning. Mike: What's going on?! Tom: (now calm) Oh we were just playing Sailor Moon, based on the fanfic. I guess I got into this Serena character too much. I saw monster Crow and was filled with an immediate urge to kill. Crow: Just like in the fanfic, the scouts want to kill the monster when it's just standing there. Mike: Well, the fanfic, the monster told Rubeus it was going to kill the scouts. Crow: People say stuff like that all the time, they don't mean it. You assume that just because he is a monster he wants to kill and destroy. Why, the scouts out-numbered the monster, and yet they still blasted him first! They didn't even give him the option of surrendering even though he had hurt no one! When he did defend himself, he used the same attacks. He was just doing what they had done to him! Tom: Admit it Mike, the author is deeply prejudice against monsters. If she had it her way, every monster would be hunted down and killed, even if they were productive, law-abiding members of society. The mad's light starts flashing. Mike hits the button. Pearl is standing with Bobo in front of a large fire pit. They are surrounded by angry chanting natives. There leader is by the pit leading the chants. Pearl: Hi Mike. Well it seems that the leader wants to sacrifice me to the gods or something. I don't know what happened, we met him, and then all of a sudden he started to flip out. Bobo: Lawgiver, do you think maybe it was because you used that withered dead person in the temple as a foot rest? Pearl promptly punches Bobo in the face. The chanting starts to get louder. Pearl: So I want you to create a distraction again, WITHOUT destroying the planet. (turns to natives, who's chanting is even louder) SHUT UP!!! The village goes quiet. Pearl: (crossing fingers) If you do it, I will never send you another movie, ever again. SOL Tom & Servo: Yay! Do it! Mike: Well, you've lied about that before... Planet Pearl: (still with fingers crossed) But this time it's fer-real! SOL Mike: I don't know... Planet Pearl: (defeated) Fine, how about I sign a contract? SOL Mike: Well... alright. Planet Pearl takes out a napkin and starts to write on it. Pearl: (mad, reading what she writes) I, Pearl Forester, swear that I will never send Mike, Tom, and Crow another bad movie for all eternity. Pearl signs it, holds it up. Pearl: (angry) There! Now make with the distraction. SOL Mike & the bots are cheering, overjoyed at their new freedom. Mike: Yay! No movie forever! OK, now lets see about a distraction. Mike goes to the nanoscope. Ned: Hi-ya Mike, what can I do for you? Mike: Could you create a distraction so that Pearl can get to the van, WITHOUT destroying the planet? Ned: Um, yea, I think so... OH! I've got it! (off to side) We've got a 17! Planet. Near the village, a gothic 300 foot spider-like robot materializes as it is nano-assembled. Numerous weapons, sensors and complex mecanisms jut out of the structure at random angles. It's finished and begins to advance on the village, firing a large laser blast. Several huts are instantly vaporized in a ball of super-hot plasma. The natives run panic stricken into the forest as the monster wreaks havoc, firing lasers and plasma weapons into the remaining structures. Pearl and Bobo run to the van with the water in the brain bowl. They hop in and Pearl starts the van after a few tries, and blasts off. Below the robot is firing indiscriminately into the burning ruble, leaving huge craters. End credits.