CWF RAW #4 RATING: R/TV-14 DVL DISCLAIMER: Characters, sponsors and rants (although not actually sponsors), and such are property of their respective companies. E-MAIL: darkpowrjd@aol.com SPECIAL NOTE: Last RAW before Wrestlemania. ________________________________________________ Announcers: Serena Sommers Michael Cole Jerry "The King" Lawler Backstage: Kevin Kelly The New Guy Terry Taylor _________________________________________________ Before anything starts, we are treated to a "Countdown to the Millenium" clock, which is at 1 hour, 22 minutes, and is counting down the seconds to whatEVER it's counting DOWN to!! It gets to 23 seconds when Serena makes her voice known tonight. SERENA: What the hell...?! Then IMMEDIATLY following her question, the RAW IS WAR intro starts. It goes thorugh the intro, and, when it finishes, fireworks and pyros make Wheeling, WV shake!! And, after about a minute of this, they start to commentate. COLE: According to that clock, the Millenium begins TONIGHT!! Plus, two different championship tournament matches tonight. It will be Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Val Venus, and it's gonna be Edge vs. Queen Beryl, and the winner of those two matches will meet each other at Wrestlemania!! And last night on HEAT, we got a taste at a possible MATCH at Heat, Serena!! SERENA: That's right!! Last night, Stone Cold saved QB from what could've BEEN another heinous attack by Triple H, but once they saw each OTHER, they automatically knew that they could be down each other's THOATS at The Ultimate War!! KING: Well, I saw that, and I thought that those two would go at it right then and THERE, but I am SURE that Triple H wasn't happy about it, EITHER!! RING ANN.: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I would like to introduce to you, the proud owner of the CWF, Darkpower!! Crowd cheers. COLE: We heard last night on HEAT that he was gonna announce a very special referee for the Title match at Wrestlemania, but we had heard just before we went on the air that he had yet ANOTHER stipulation for the Ash vs. Team DX Rocket at Wrestlemania, and we had heard rumors that it favors TDXR!! KING: Why would he want to favor a VILLIAN?! SERENA: I want to know who this referee IS!! DARKPOWER: Hello, WHEELING!! COLE: Welcome to RAW IS WAR!! I am Michael Cole, alongside Serena Sommers and Jerry "The King" Lawler here!! DARKPOWER: Now, we are six days AWAY from Wrestlemania, and I wanted to add a few things to the already BULDGING list of things on the card. The FIRST thing is with Team ROCKET!! NOW, I saw that Ash had a leg UP, since he had an ultimate stipulation if he WON, and THAT gave him a incentive!! Then I saw YOURS, TR, and I didn't see anything for YOU, and I thought that it was unfair that he had something to look forward to if he won, and nothing for YOU to look forward to if YOU did, SO... KING: I'm not liking THIS!! DARKPOWER: Now, I know that I shouldn't be looking that far ahead, but seeing that the NEXT Pay-Per-View is gonna be UNFORGIVEN... SERENA: That's the next PPV after Wrestlemania!! DARKPOWER: And seeing that you DO work as a TAG TEAM, I decided that at Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War, IF you DO beat Ash, then not ONLY will his fat MOUTH stay the hell SHUT, but you will ALSO be the number ONE CONTENDERS FOR THE TAG TEAM TITLES COME UNFORGIVEN!! COLE: WOAH!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! That means if Ash wins, then Team Rocket is DONE here, but if Team Rocket WINS, that means that not only will they end Ash's speeches, but they get a Tag Team title shot at Unforgiven!! KING: My God, Cole, villians being the CHAMPS!! Ash has GOTTA win it NOW!! DARKPOWER: Now, moving ON!! World Title Match!! SERENA: UH OH!! Here we go!! DARKPOWER: Now, I told you on HEAT last night, that I was gonna have a VERY special guest referee for that match come Wrestlemania!! Now, let me explain some of his crudentials!! COLE: Oh man!! DARKPOWER: He is a legendary boxing referee!! He knows the rules to the match, and enforces them with great power and pride, among OTHER things. He has been in the navy, army, and other top U.S. services!! He is currently a judge on T.V., as well!! He ALSO has a sence of HUMOR!! If anyone has seen MTV's Celeberty Deathmatch, you know what I mean!! SERENA: OH HELL YEAH!! COLE: DID HE ACTUALLY GET...?! DARKPOWER: We are VERY privlage that he wanted to ref the match at Wrestlemania!! We hope that you'll be the same!! So, without further adue, let me introduce to you, the special referee for the World Title match at Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War...REFEREE MILLS LANE!! COLE: OH MY GOD!! HE GOT MILLS LANE AS REFEREE!! SERENA: THIS IS AMAZING!! I can't BELIEVE that he actually GOT Mills Lane as the ref for the Title match at Wrestlemania!! Mills Lane then comes out, showered with a standing obvation from the fans. COLE: MILLS LANE, WITH A LOT OF RESPECT FROM THE FANS HERE IN WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA!! KING: THE JUDGE AND THE JURY!! I THINK THEY ARE GLAD RIGHT NOW!! Mills Lane enters the ring with help from the CEO. SERENA: I think that the man is about to speak, and I am SURE that he has something to say about The Ultimate War this Sunday from Chicago, Illinois!! DARKPOWER: Now, Mills Lane, I think that you have some words of wisdom, so the forum is ALL YOURS!! Mills Lane takes the given mike from him. LANE: Thanks, Darkpower!! Ladies and gentlemen, it is with my GREAT honor that I referee the Cartoon Wrestling Federation's World Championship contest at Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War!! The crowd cheers. COLE: A lot of respect for someone so legendary as Mills Lane!! LANE: Now, I know the rules for the match!! Me and the CEO have gone over them, and I reconize them, and this Sunday, I will take my duties to the fullest extent of where it should be, and very seriously!! I will call the match straight down the middle, and I will enforce the rules at ALL times!! SERENA: Just the way it SHOULD be, as well!! KING: OH PLEEZE!! COLE: Well, it's the TRUTH!! LANE: Now, there will be only four words that seperate NOW and the match of the century, and those are...[crowd joins in] LET'S GET IT ON!! [crowd cheers] DARKPOWER: Mills Lane, everybody!! [they give the mikes back to the ring announcers as they exit the area] COLE: So Mills Lane will be the special guest referee for the title match at Wrestlemania!! KING: I can't BELIEVE it, Michael Cole!! Mills Lane, the special guest referee for a match of THAT calibur!! SERENA: I can't WAIT for The Ultimate War NOW!! Well, Raw has ALREADY gotten to an EXPLOSIVE start, and it's just the beginning of what may be the best nights of Raw YET!! COLE: Yes!! TONIGHT, speaking of the title match, [graphic starts and ends] Stone Cold Steve Austin will be against Val Venus, and the winner of THAT will go to Wrestlemania!! And ALSO, Edge will be going one on one with Queen Beryl. Now, I have seen that everyone is now EXPECTING the Austin vs. Beryl match that they might be WANTING for Wrestlemania, but that all holds in the balance TONGIHT!! KING: And ALSO, I can't BELIEVE that Team Rocket is getting a chance for a Title SHOT, but I hope that Val Venus and the Godfather can make it easy for Ash at Wrestlemania when they face them TONIGHT!! SERENA: And not only THAT, but before we went on the air, we SAW it!! The countdown to the millenium [the clock shows AGAIN, now down to 1 hour, 19 minutes, and some odd seconds, counting down with each second], and according to MY watch, it's gonna take more than an HOUR for the milleniunm to start!! What is the significance of that millenium clock!! COLE: And also, Hardcore Holly is gonna be up against Sailor Mercury in a hardcore rules match. Anything goes, pinfalls count anywhere!! Switch to the back, where the Big Show has arrived. COLE: Oh my God!! The Big Show is gonna go up against Tuxedo Mask here TONIGHT!! Switch AGAIN, this time to a limo pulling up!! SERENA: Wait a minute!! A limo has pulled up into the back there!! Who the hell is gonna come OUT of there?!! The limo stops, and the cheuffer comes out and opens the door for the guest, who is.......THE HEARTBREAK KID, SHAWN MICHALES!! COLE: WHAT THE HELL?! SHAWN MICHALES IS HERE, BUT WHY IS HE HERE?! SERENA: VERY GOOD QUESTION!! WHY THE HELL IS HE HERE?! KING: He's gonna be up to no GOOD!! COLE: The commissoner of the CWF is HERE, but WHY?! We'll be right BACK!! [start CWF commercial] ANN.: And now the rescue of the week, brought to you by the US Coast Guard. Join and you can save lives EVERYDAY!! Call now, 1-800-NOW-USCG!! [on HEAT last night] ASH: ...here's a PRESENT to Fred, from ASH KETHUM!! He pulls back, and NAILS Fred Durst in the face with a HUGE slap. SERENA: OH, COME ON!! He's just enjoying the festivities...[Fred retaliates and PUNCHES Ash in the FACE!! He gets knocked out] FRED DURST, NAILED Ash,... JESSIE: ...this guy is now OFFICIALLY a Team Rocket member!! They hand Fred a Team DX Rocket T-Shirt. ...Fred grabs the shirt...AND PUTS IT ON WITH A SMILE, then raises his arms, and cheers in excitement!! SERENA: Fred is now a Team DX Rocket member!! James and Jessie invite Fred over the barricade to join them, and he climbs OVER the barricade, and joins them as they exit the ringside area. SERENA: FRED DURST, A TEAM ROCKET MEMBER, AND HE'S LOVING EVERY SECOND OF THIS!!... [comes back] ANN.: That was the CWF Rescue of the Week, brought to you by the US Coast Guard. Join and you can save lives EVERYDAY!! Call now, 1-800-NOW-USCG!! [end CWF commercial] They then go to a break, then come back. SERENA: We saw HBK come out of that limo just before we went to a break, and God know WHAT he could be here for!! BG: WWWWEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL, WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW!!! COLE: Well, The Big Show will be up against Tuxedo Mask, but Darkpower considered this a warm-up match for Wrestlemania, because last night on HEAT, we heard that as a punishment for what happened a few weeks ago on RAW, that he'll have to face the CEO in a hardcore rules match. KING: I can't BELIEVE that the CEO can be THAT dumb!! The Big Show can snap him like a TWIG!! SERENA: Well, he said that he didn't want to defeat him, but wanted to kick his ass there at The Ultimate War!! COLE: Well, in any event, [Tuxedo Mask's music plays] here comes Tuxedo Mask, and tonight, RAW IS WAR is brought to you by 10-10-220. Talk up to 20 minutes for only 99 cents. SERENA: And by Burger King!! KING: HEY!! SERENA: When you have it your way, it just taste better!! KING: Oh, your gonna pay for THAT!! And by priceline.com, where you name your price and save on all airfares, hotels, and MORE!! COLE: Well, Mask is in the...OH MY, HE HAS THE MIKE!! MASK: Hey, Big SLOW!! Crowd cheers. COLE: OH BOY!! MASK: Tonight, you are gonna get your ass KICKED tonight, and when I am THROUGH with YOU, then... The lights then go out. SERENA: WHAT THE HELL?! COLE: The lights just...[the Undertaker's music starts to play] Oh my God!! The Undertaker is headed our way. What the hell is THIS all about?! KING: Where IS the Undertaker?! I don't SEE...[the lights come back on. The Undertaker is RIGHT BEHIND MASK] AHHH!! SERENA: HE'S RIGHT BEWHIND HIS OPPONENT AT WRESTLEMANIA, AND MASK DOESN'T KNOW HE'S THERE!! KING: HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND!! GO AND RESCUE HIM!! SERENA: I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR THE DEAD MAN!! Mask turns around, and sees the Undertaker, who IMMEDIATLY starts to choke slam Mask. He does so, then the Big Show and The Undertaker then proceed to kick his ass. COLE: COME ON, STOP THIS!! SERENA: There doing a number on the 6 footer here!! KING: STOMP ON HIM!! COLE: Mask has been dismantled here, and with only six days away from Wrestlemania, the Undertaker may have gotten an avantage, here!! SERENA: Well, I wouldn't say... Switch to a back outside door, where it shows The ROCK arriving!! SERENA: Oh man, The ROCK is in the house!! WAIT A MINUTE, there's ANOTHER limo!! COLE: We've seen Shawn Michals get out of one tonight!! Who's THIS now!! The person gets, out and it's...KID ROCK!! He comes out with Fred Durst of Limp Biskit and Team DX Rocket. SERENA: OH MY GOD, YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?! THAT'S KID ROCK!! TEAM ROCKET HAS KID ROCK WITH THEM!! KING: OH NO!! What's gonna go up with this WORLD?!! Now Ash HAS to get these JERKS out of the CWF!! Then we won't have to worry about anyone messing with children's minds!! COLE: Well, they're coming out HERE!! We're PROBABLY gonna see them NEXT!! They go to a break, then come back. BG: (LET'S ROCK IT) TEAM ROCKET, BLAST OFF, AND GONNA KICK SOME ASS (DX)...YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO (YEAH)...YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO WEAR (HA HA HA)(WEAR IT DOWN)...YOU THINK THAT YOUR BETTER (YEAH) ...WELL, YOU BETTER GET READY TO BOW TO THE MASTERS (SSSSSSSSSSSSSUCK IT)!! COLE: Are they coming out with...YES!! Kid Rock is with them, and so is Fred Durst!! Last night on Heat, Ash NAILED Fred with a big slap, but then Fred returned the favor with a hard right hand FIST to his FACE, and get THIS, guys, Fred Durst was, last night, officialy named a Team DX Rocket MEMBER!! KING: Yeah!! That was the most dreaded night in CWF HISTORY!! And no one RECONIZED it!! Even Serena didn't see it!! Serena, you should reconize who are the VILLIANS, here!! SERENA: Ash SHOULDN'T try to tell these fans who they should or shouldn't like!! That's THEIR business, NOT HIS!! KING: These chirdren don't know right from wrong!! COLE: PLEEZE!! DANIEL: HEY, WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA, THE NAILERS KICK ASS, WE'RE GONNA KICK ASH'S ASS AT WRESTLEMANIA, AND RIGHT NOW, WE ARE GONNA INTRODUCE A MAN WHO JUST KICKS ASS, HE JUST WANTS TO BE A COWBOY, AND HE'S THE INVENTOR OF BANWIDABA, KKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDD, KID ROCK!! SERENA: OH HELL YEAH!! KING: OH no!! Cole, tell this girl who the REAL heros are!! COLE: She likes who she WANTS, King!! I'M not gonna tell her who to like!! KING: We need Ash out here!! Kid Rock takes the mike. KID ROCK: NOW, FOR THOSE M.F.'S WHO DON'T KNOW MY NAME, MY NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID, KID ROCK!! AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE KID ROCK OR DX, WE'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA!! ALL IN RING AND CROWN: SUCK IT!! COLE: We know who these fans like!! KID ROCK: Now, I hear from you that you want to hear THESE people do their thing, SO JESSIE, JAMES, BLOW UP THIS F'N JOINT!! SERENA: MY GOD, HE'S ELECTRIFYING!! KING: Oh yeah, real electrifying. Do you know what he basically said with that 'if you don't like Kid Rock' line?! COLE: KING, why don't you just go to Ash's locker room and JOIN him in that stuff!! JESSIE: NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHAT ASH SHOULD DO COME WRESTLEMANIA, AND THAT IS TO....[crowd joins in] PERPARE FOR TROUBLE!! JAMES: AND, UM [starting to count all of the bodies in the ring]...1....2...OH SCREW IT AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!! JESSIE: NOW, WE'RE PROTECTING THIS DAMN WORLD FROM DEVISTATION!! JAMES: UNITING ALL...WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA WITHIN OUR M.F.'N NATION!! JESSIE: TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO WITH ASH, GIVING HIM ABSOLUTLY NO LOVE!! JAMES: TO EXTEND OUR REACHES FOR WRESTLEMANIA AND ALL THAT IS ABOVE, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS GONNA BE THOSE TAG TEAM TITLES COME UNFORGIVEN!! COLE: OH MY!! THEY WANTED THAT POSITION!! JESSIE: JESSIE!! JAMES: JAMES!! DANIEL: DANIEL, BABY, AND THESE ARE... FRED: THE NAME IS FRED DURST!! KID ROCK: AND MY NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID, KID ROCK!! COLE: WOW!! JESSIE: AND WERE TEAM DX ROCKET, GONNA GET THOSE TITLES AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!! JAMES: BUT FIRST, WE'RE GONNA MAKE ASH SURRENDER, AND HIS ASS WILL BE KICKED WITHOUT EVEN A FIGHT!! MEOWTH: MMMMMMEEEEOOOOWWWTTTTTHHHH, THAT GOD DAMN RIGHT!! KING: THAT'S WRONG!! Ash is gonna go to Wrestlemania, and HE will win the fight, and get RID of thse VILLIANS, and THEN the world won't have to worry about cheering the villian anymore!! COLE: WHAT villian, King?! DANIEL: NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH KID ROCK BEING AT WRESTLEMANIA, WITH FRED DURST, AND IF YOUR NOT DOWN WITH TEAM DX ROCKET, THEN WE'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA!! ALL IN RING AND CROWD: [preforming the crotch chop] SUCK IT!! Ash then shows up on the stage. ASH: WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO WE HAVE HERE!! Kid Rock!! KING: It's about TIME!! ASH: Now, Kid Rock, if they don't like you, they can go do what you SAID, and I'm not gonna go REPEAT it, because... BG: DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'!! COLE: OH BOY!! The Rock now enters the arena and appears on the stage with a mike in his hands. ROCK: AT LONG LAST, THE ROCK HAS FINALLY COME BACK TO WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA!! Crowd cheers. ROCK: Now, KID [reconizing Ash], what's your name?! ASH: My name is... ROCK: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!! THE ROCK KNOWS THAT YOUR TRYING TO BE A MASTER OF SOMETHING!! WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?! ASH: A POKEMON MA... ROCK: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE HELL IT WAS!! YOU ARE USING THOSE, THOSE ARE POKEBALLS, RIGHT?! [Ash nods a yes] WELL, THE ROCK GUARA-DAMN-TEES THAT IF YOU GET IN THE ROCK'S WAY, HE WILL TAKE THOSE POKEBALLS, TAKE THEM OFF OF THAT BELT OF YOURS, PUT ALL OF THEM IN HIS BIG HAND, TURN THEM SIDEWAYS, AND STICK THEM STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!! [crowd cheers] COLE: I don't think that The Rock realized what Ash said about him!! ROCK: Now, Team Rocket!! The Rock knows that it's either your career or his mouth, and the Rock doesn't give a monkey's ass HOW you win or lose that match, but The Rock does know that he will be at Wrestlemania, and he also knows that he will make an eletrifying entrance, does what he needs to do, and then he will exit. But, if you get in the Rock's path, he will take those retarded-ass 'R' T-Shirts, rip them off of your scrawny ass bodies, turn them sideways, and stick them straight up your candy asses!! COLE: We know that the Rock doesn't care about EITHER one of them tonight!! ROCK: Now, The Rock wants to mention this. The Rock WILL be at Wrestlemania, and he WILL get his 15 minutes of FAME on SOMEBODY there, and he will kick SOMEONE'S ASS all over God's Green Earth... IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK.... CROWD:...IS COOKIN'!! The Rock then, when his head is REALLY tilted up in the air, he puts his finger to his chin, forces his head down, and to the left, and then down towards the ring, and then he lowers his sunglasses, and then gives The People's Eyebrow. He then goes back to the tilitng the head up in the air. ROCK AND CROWD: ...IS COOKIN'!! [crowd cheers as he makes his exit and his music plays] COLE: So The Rock says that he's gonna be at Wrestlemania, and he's gonna take care of some BUSINESS, King!! KING: I've gotta tell you, this AIN'T good, knowing who he interrupted. Ash better be careful, because the Rock will screw you out of trying to get Team Rocket OUT of here!! SERENA: Well, what we DO know is that Team Rocket will be singing that speech later TONIGHT, when they take on Supply and Demand here tonight!! COLE: And coming up NEXT, we've got Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Val Venus, the winner to go to Wrestlemania this Sunday for the title. We'll be right back!! They go to a break, and then come back. When they come back... BG: HHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOO, LADIES!!! ...Val Venus makes his way to the ring. COLE: Well, we are ready for Val Venus vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, the winner to go to Wrestlemania, and will face the winner of the Edge vs. Queen Beryl match for the title, which will be later TONIGHT!! KING: Well, none of them I like NOW, but if I were to pick them, it may be this guy vs. Beryl!! SERENA: Well, EVERYONE is expecting the Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Queen Beryl match for Wrestlemania!! COLE: That's RIGHT, and SPEAKING of which, Universal Pictures presents Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War six days away from Chicago, Illinois, exclusivly on Pay-Per-View!! VENUS: HHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOO.... The sound of glass shattering interrupts him!! Stone Cold doesn't want to wait to go to Wrestlemania. SERENA: WOAH!! STONE COLD WANTS TO GO NOW!! AND INTO THE RING HE GOES!! COLE: Stone Cold, laying it down on Val Venus. Right hands now, from the Rattlesnake!! KING: He's stomping a mud hole in him!! SERENA: You may be 0 for 1, King!! KING: I may BE!! COLE: And Stone Cold, doing a NUMBER on Val Venus!! To the center of the ring, Stone Cold now, to the ropes, and....HE JUST GOT KNEED IN THE STOMACH BY VAL VENUS!! KING: NOW who's winning?!! SERENA: What a HELL of a knee!! Val now, getting some avantage form the ropes, and...HE MISSED with the elbow!! KING: AHHH!!! COLE: Austin now, gaining the upper hand once again, to the ropes, and...SHOLDER TACKLE by Austin and now Austin, landing those right hands there, and getting Val back up, kick and...STUNNER BY AUSTIN!! SERENA: PIN HIM!!! 1....2....3!! AUSTIN'S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!! KING: NO WAY!!! COLE: Austin is OFFICIALY now going to Chicago, Illinois!! And these fans are CHEERING him!! They are celebrating the fact that Austin is going to the Windy City!! SERENA: Well, he's NOW gonna have to see who will be facing him later TONIGHT, as Edge goes up against the woman with a DREAM, Queen Beryl!! KING: Plus, there gonna DESTROY each other!! Val is in action AGAIN as him and the Godfather of Supply and Demand, will be up against Team DX Rocket!! COLE: Plus, we have Shawn Michales HERE, but WHY is he here, and a lot MORE, when we come back!! They go off the air _____________________________________________________ CWF WAR ZONE #4 RATING: R/TV-14 DVL DISCLAIMER: Characters, sponsors and rants (although not actually sponsors), and such are property of their respective companies. E-MAIL: darkpowrjd@aol.com SPECIAL NOTE: Last WAR ZONE before Wrestlemania. _____________________________________________________ ANNOUNCERS: Jim Ross Jerry "The King" Lawler BACKSTAGE: Michael Cole Serena Sommers The New Guy Terry Taylor _____________________________________________________ They come back from the break. When the break is over, Jim Ross takes over the helm at commentary position. ROSS: Welcome to CWF WAR ZONE everybody!! I am Jim Ross alongside Jerry "The King" Lawler!! King, we saw EARLIER who ONE of the two men will be for the Title at Wrestlemania, and later TONIGHT, we will find out who will be the OTHER!! KING: Oh, you ain't KIDDING, JR!! Two big time stars, Edge and Queen Beryl, are gonna make their presence felt... All of a sudden, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels makes his way into the arena as his music starts to play. ROSS: KING, HBK IS HERE, AND SOMETHING TELLS ME HE DIDN'T COME TO WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA BY MISTAKE!! KING: I can't WAIT to find out why he's HERE!! ROSS: Well, he has the mike, so we are about to find OUT!! HBK: What's up, Wheeling!! Crowd cheers. HBK: Now, it seems to ME that Darkpower forgot one little equation to the problem at Wrestlemania, and that would be ME!! ROSS: Good POINT!! HBK: HOWEVER, I came here, KNOWING that I was gonna go to WRESTLEMANIA, one way or ANOTHER!! But Darkpower already PICKED the referee for the championship match at Wrestlemania, so I believed that I had to look ELSEWHERE!! But Darkpower said that I could be the ref in ANY MATCH I CHOOSE EXCEPT the World Title Match, in which Mills Lane will be the ref for that MATCH!! ROSS: That was said EARLIER tonight!! HBK: So, now I guess I could go to the next match DOWN, which is the INTERCONTNENTAL title match, so, guess who the guest ref will be for THAT?!! ME!! SO, without further adue, let me introduce MYSELF as the special guest referee in that match!! KING: WHAT?! ROSS: Let's see how THAT goes!! HBK: Now, HIT MY MUSIC!! [his music starts playing] ROSS: So HBK will be the special guest referee for the IC Title Match at Wrestlemania, and that will be Sailor mars vs. The Big Show!! KING: Ah YES!! But wait 'till you see what we've got NEXT!! A HARDCORE RULES match!! ROSS: But still to come, Edge vs. Queen Beryl, the winner goes to the Windy City and Wrestlemania, for the title!! KING: Damn RIGHT!! And ALSO, Val Venus and the Godfather, in the match that we were ROBBED of last night on HEAT, up against Team Rocket, and TONIGHT, it's Jessie and James!! ROSS: But up NEXT, Hardcore Holly vs. Sailor Mercury, up NEXT!! They go to a break, then come back. ROSS: Well, we are ready... At this time, the millenium clock comes back on, and it's counting down from 10 seconds. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0!! Then the lights go out, and wierd music starts. Then red and blue lights start to flicker in the ring, and then the Titantron shows the name "Jericho". ROSS: IT'S CHRIS JERICHO!! Jericho then appears on the stage, back turned, and then big pyros explode on the stage, while he turns around toward the crowd. And then he gets a mike, and he starts to speak. JERICHO: Welcome to the new millenium!! For those of you who don't know my name yet, I am Chris Jericho, and I am the new millenium!! You are ready for the ride of your LIFE!! Because I AM THE NEW MILLENIUM!! [crowd cheers]!! You know, for so long now, the CWF has WAITED for a SAVIOR to come to the aid!! They've WAITED for someone like Chris Jericho to come and SAVE them from total HELL!! Before ME, the CWF has been on the ratings slump!! The website their on has been going down, and for GOOD reason!! The CWF ALONE has slumped the hits of SM Romance to unmentionable LOWS!! ROSS: WHAT THE...?! THAT'S not TRUE THERE!! JERICHO: And the CWF needs a savior such as ME!! Pay-Per- View rates are going DOWN!! People are CANCELLING suscriptions for this Sunday's WrestleBOREDOM!! CROWD: BOOOO.... ROSS: Oh, COME ON!! JERICHO: That is, UNTIL I came and saved the day!! I am the new millenium!! You will NOT get this out of ANY OTHER!! For the LONGEST time, you have been BORED to DEATH by wrestlers like The CROCK!! Queen BITCH!! Sailor BRATS!! Stone Cold Steve Austin!! They are the people that have been boring us. But not only THAT!! You have also been bored by people like The Undertaker, The Big SLOW, and Ash Kethum!! You have been ANNOYED by those CREATURES!! But NOW, I have come!! I am your SAVIOR!! Finally, you can say to me GO, JERICHO, GO!!! GO, JERICHO, GO!!! [with the ego kicking it in full GEAR now, as if it WASN'T already] Finally, now that I am here, buy rates will be coming out the ASS!! SM Romance will crash each and every day for the CWF just because they will all be wanting to find out what Chris Jericho will do each and every WEEK!! AND, the CWF will soar to new hights!! They will be in the new millenium!! A new DAY has arrived, and your LOOKING at him!! I am Chris Jericho, and I am the new MILLENIUM!! Sailor Mars appears on the Titantron. MARS: The new MILLENIUM?! ROSS: UH OH!! MARS: I'm sorry, but the CWF was doing SO fine WITHOUT you, and will CONTINUE to do just FINE with or without YOUR ego filling the time!! ROSS: WOAH!! MARS: And what's MORE, I don't think you've NOTICED, but the CWF Wrestlemania thing has been SOLD OUT FOR WEEKS!! And if you've haden't NOTICED, we have been critically ACCLAIMED [trying to make a POINT here]!! And I don't know about YOU, but I wouldn't want to go to ANY website JUST to see YOUR lazy-ass every DAY!! KING: Oh come ON!! JERICHO: I think you were BLINDSIDED by the way Darkpower's EGO is ALSO driven!! Whenever you PRAISE the CWF or HIM, he gets a swelled HEAD!! He thinks he's GOD or something!! MARS: He may be an egomaniac at times, but he's ALSO one of the NICEST CEO's HERE [WARNING: EGO TRIP, EGO TRIP]!! Plus, isn't EVERYONE with an EGO at SOMEPOINT or another?! [EDITOR'S NOTE: the word 'EGO' is sounding STRANGE to me after hearing it for so many times] JERICHO: Well, YOU certanily have a thing for HIM!! MARS; And BESIDES, I was listening to you back HERE, and your VOICE made me downright SICK to my STOMACH!! You made ME want to kick your ASS right here and NOW!! JERICHO: Why don't you come down here and DO JUST THAT?!! MARS: Why don't you come back here and FIND me, ASSHOLE?! ROSS: WOAH!! KING: This is not GOOD!! JERICHO: I'm coming to find you!! [he drops the mike and exits] ROSS: So, Chris Jericho not only PO'ed about three-fourths of the CWF employees, fans, and CARRIERS, but ALSO PO'ed Sailor MARS, who called him out to the back to FIND her!! KING: Jericho might not have too much luck finding HER, but I do know who may HAVE luck accomplishing a DREAM!! ROSS: Yeah!! Queen Beryl vs. Edge is coming up, plus Supply and Demand vs. Team Rocket coming up, but up NEXT, it's Hardcore Holly vs. Sailor Mercury, NEXT!! They go to a break, then come back. Holly's music plays. ROSS: Welcome back to the War Zone, everybody!! Out comes hardcore Holly, and Sailor Mercury will be facing him, and this Sunday at Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War, her and the Big Bossman will be in it for the Hardcore Title, King!! KING: Oh, you ain't KIDDING!! We've seen a lot of sides from Amy, but this side of her's is all NEW!! We haven't SEEN it before!! ROSS: You're RIGHT, we HAVEN'T!! But we are gonna see it here TONIGHT!! Amy's music plays, and out she comes. KING: AHH!! She's running towards the ring!! ROSS: And the match is underway!! Mercury, now to the far side, missing with the closeline, comes BACK, and a SHOT IN THE FACE BY HARDCORE HOLLY!! And where is he GOING!! [he goes and gets a TABLE from under the ring] He has a TABLE here, and he's not gonna have a PICNIC on it, that's for DAMN sure!! He's putting it into the ring, and Mercury is getting back up here!! To the ropes, and...BASEBALL SLIDE by Mercury that sent Holly to the security railing!! KING: My GOSH, JR!! Holly WHIPLASHED off of that railing, and went DOWN!! ROSS: Mercury, now, to the outside...UH OH!! Look who's coming out!! KING: THE ACKOLYTES!! ROSS: Hardcore Holly has had problems in the past from Farroqq and Bradshaw!! But why are they out here NOW!! There up on the stage as this match continues here!! Mercury now, going and getting one of her favorite weapons, a damn FRYING PAN!! KING: Where does she GET those COOKING things from?! ROSS: Who CARES!! She's gonna [she hits Holly in the head with the frying pan] MY GOD!! That frying pan just NAILED... Bradshaw then grabs the mike and starts to SPEAK. BRADSHAW: Hey, MERCURY, once you are done with Holly, give him to US, that is, if there's anything LEFT!! ROSS: WHAT?! MERCURY: [getting a mike of her own] Hey, I don't care if you hand him his ass...RIGHT NOW!! ROSS: OH MY!! KING: WOW!! ROSS: And here COMES the Ackolytes, and there in the ring, and Mercury is HIGHTAILING it!! OBVIOUSLY, she thought that was unnecessary!! Either THAT, or she's not gonna BOTHER with PO'ing the Ackolytes any!! KING: I think the LATTER!! I would run if facing THEM!! ROSS: Well, the Ackolytes did a number on Holly, and coming up NEXT, it's Queen Beryl trying to edge out Edge, NEXT!! They go to a break, then come back. Edge's music starts. ROSS: We are BACK, ladies and gentlemen!! It will be Edge against Queen Beryl, and this will determine Stone Cold Steve Austin's opponent at Wrestlemania!! KING: Well, [as the camera sees Edge coming out of the crowd] THERE'S Edge, and there is gonna be some WARS coming out of this match, let me guarintee you THAT much!! The Negaverse music plays, but for a few seconds, then a guitar Kid Rock-type music plays along with the NV music. A new twist, as Queen Beryl makes her way to the ring. ROSS: And here she comes!! QB is here, and the match is underway, as right hand after right hand comes out of QB onto Edge!! To the ropes, and she comes and TACKLES EDGE!! RIGHT HANDS, RIGHT HANDS!! AND WHEELING, WEST VIRGINIA IS AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS, AND BERYL NOW, PICKS UP EDGE, AND...PSYCHADELIC DRIVER, AND 1....2....3!!! QUEEN BERYL, IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!! KING: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! THAT MEANS THAT WE ARE GONNA HAVE THE MATCH THAT THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!! ROSS: SUPPLY AND DEMAND VS. TEAM ROCKET, NEXT!! They go to their final commercial break. BG: (LET'S ROCK IT) TEAM ROCKET, BLAST OFF, AND GONNA KICK SOME ASS (DX)...YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO (YEAH)...YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO WEAR (HA HA HA)(WEAR IT DOWN)...YOU THINK THAT YOUR BETTER (YEAH) ...WELL, YOU BETTER GET READY TO BOW TO THE MASTERS (SSSSSSSSSSSSSUCK IT)!! ROSS: We've taken our final commercial break, and we are ready for Suplly and Demand, who is already in the ring, against Team Rocket, and HERE WE...[the lights then go out, and the darkness is blinding] OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?! KING: I CAN'T SEE A THING!! The lights come back on!! The Undertaker is standing in the ring, with all of the combatants knocked out. ROSS: Oh my God!! The Undertaker has done a num....WAIT A MINUTE!! TUXEDO MASK IS COMING OUT, AND HIM AND THE UNDERTAKER ARE SLUGGING IT OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE...THERE'S CHRIS JERICHO!! KING: WHAT?!! ROSS: CHRIS JERICHO IS TRYING TO....SAILOR MARS IS COMING OUT HERE!! MT GOD, KING, THE RING'S FILLING UP HERE...THE BIG SHOW NOW IS COMING OUT HERE, AND WE ARE HAVING THE RING FILLED WITH BEEF IN THE RING...OH MY GOD, TEAM ROCKET NOW IS COMING TO, AND THEY SEE ALL OF THE CARNAGE THAT IS HAPPENING IN THE RING. AND THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FIGHT HERE!! KING: THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY THE MEN WHO'LL BE AT WRESTLEMANIA!! ROSS: ASH NOW IS COMING OUT HERE!! ASH IS AFTER TEAM ROCKET, AND HE'S GOING AFTER THEM WITH ANGER...WAIT A MINUTE, TRIPLE H NOW IS GOING AFTER ANYTHING THAT MOVES HE...WAIT A MINUTE. HERE COMES QUEEN BERYL, AND WE KNOW WHO SHE'S AFTER AND HERE WE GO!! HER AND TRIPLE H ARE GOING AT IT, AND IN THE MEANTIME, VAL AND THE GODFATHER HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, AND HAD EXITED THE ARENA HERE. KING: I CAN'T...AHHH!! ROSS: STONE COLD!!! STONE COLD!! AND HE CHARGES THE RING, AND HAS ASH AND...STUNNER!! STUNNER!! TO THE BIG SHOW...STUNNER!!! UNDERTAKER GET A STUNNER AS WELL, AND TRIPLE H GETS....THE PSYCHADELIC DRIVER FROM QUEEN BERYL!! THE OTHERS HAVE GONE OUT OF THE RING TO RESUME THEIR OWN FIGHTS...UH OH!! KING: OH NO!! ROSS: QUEEN BERYL AND STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!! WILL THIS BE A PREVIEW OF WHAT WE WILL SEE AT WRESTLEMANIA?!! KING: ARE THEY GONNA GO AT IT HERE TONIGHT?!! ROSS: AND WE GO AT IT!! QUEEN BERYL AND AUSTIN, EXCHANGING BLOWS HERE!! BERYL, HAS AUSTIN, AND....PHYCHADELIC DRIVER FROM BERYL, AND IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT IT HAPPENS, QB WILL ACCOMPLISH HER DREAM AT WREST...WAIT A MINUTE, AUSTIN GETS UP, AND....STUNNER!! STUNNER!!! STUNNER!! [Austin's music plays] WHO WILL WIN THAT HELLATIOUS MATCHUP?! KING: I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY TO DEFEAT THE OTHER HERE!! ROSS; IT'S THE RATTLESNAKE VS. QUEEN BERYL FOR THE WORLD TITLE, AND AFTER IT'S DONE, NO ONE PERSON CAN SAY WHO'LL BE COMING OUT ALIVE!! They go off the air with that. ____________________________________________ E-Mail me at darkpowrjd@aol.com to get Wrestlemania: The Ultimate War, happening this coming Sunday!! Also, please E- Mail me if you want an event at a paticular city!! Until then, see ya later.